Post # 1
Ugh. We had been doing so well…
So my Fiance and I are getting married this April in a Destination Wedding. It was always our plan to have a big at-home reception later in June. The plan was to do it at my parents’ house. They were going to get a tent and also clear out their whole first floor. We figured we’d definitely have enough room. That was a huge mistake.
Well, we were wrong. The tent person just came to their property on Monday and basically we have to cut the guest list by over 100 people. I guess our spatial reasoning was just waaay off. So now, obviously, I’m freaking out. We took a long look at our list last night and it’s just so hard to cut people. It’s all “well we can’t invite so and so and then not invite so and so.” I was having a panic attack last night trying to work this out!
As of now we’ve cut all +1s (unless the person is in a relationship). But even that didn’t help much because we’re basically the last of our group to get married so its mostly couples! Plus FI’s extended family is just very large so that doesn’t help.
My parents are going to look over the list this week and see who they can cut too. If we had more time it’d be one thing but we already have the date and it’s next June so it’s not like we can just find a new venue because most places would’ve been booked already. Also, Fiance brews beer and the ONE thing he wanted was to brew the beer for this. Unfortunately most venues I looked at don’t allow for that so that’s one main reason we chose my parents’ place. Everything else is basically mine and my parents’ show so I at least wanted to give Fiance that…
I’m just going crazy right now. Fiance thinks we’ll be able to make it work, he just says we have to stop worrying about offending people with every decision we make. I just feel horrible. It’s so hard to cut this list fairly and I really didn’t want to take away +1s but we don’t have much of a choice.
I guess this is mostly just venting because it is what it is. I know it was SO DUMB to pick a date and everything before we got the tent situation squared away but my parents really thought we’d be okay. If anything, maybe we’d have to cut a few people…but 100?! Ugh!
Post # 2
Don’t try to cut the list. Scrap the list entirely. Seriously, just throw it away, delete it, just get rid of it.
Then start again. Build up your list from scratch.
Keep in your mind who you and your fiance REALLY want there, and limit yourself to only those people. Don’t fret about offending people.
Post # 3
My suggestion would be to start a list over from scratch – so instead of cutting people, which if course is difficult mentally – you are adding people. Start with the nearest and dearest and go from there. Stop when you need to. *hugs* Hang in there – your wedding plans sound wonderful. It will be a fabulous event!
Post # 4
Well either cut all extended family or make it a family only event. How many people were you planning to invite for a backyard reception since “have to cut over 100 people”. Also did you tent guys guest number include the empty first floor? That may be backyard only and you have to have musical chairs for your guest if you do want to keep close to all the invitees.
Post # 5
Could you possibly use more space, like overflow into your neighbors yard?? Are the tent people only saying that a certain amount will fit under the tent, or that the whole backyard space isn’t big enough for everyone?
Post # 6
i’m not quite understanding why you have to cut the guest list…
i’m not sure how big your space is or how many guests you were planning to invite. but if the tent person said i only do x number seated under the tent. why does it have to be seated? rent some tables and chairs for those that are older and need seats, do some high tops and make it a cocktail party instead of a seated dinner.
Post # 7
Maybe you could rent a pavilion in a park and add an extra tent? Most parks allow you to buy an alcohol permit for pretty cheap too 🙂
Post # 8
Don’t give up on the possibility of finding another venue. Have you checked local fire halls, parks with space to rent, and less fancy wedding venues? Could you change it to a different day that same weekend, like from a Saturday to a Sunday? It’s far enough in advance that even if you’ve already given guests a date, you could probably bump that by one day and they’d be fine. That might give you more options for alternate venues as Sunday’s not as popular of a day for an event. My cousin planned an elaborate wedding at a popular wedding site in San Diego in seven months. If she could pull that off, you can probably find some other option for your party with this much time.
Post # 9
Scrap the whole list and start over. Or why not just scrap the whole AHR all together?
Post # 10
Cutting the guest list by over 100 people? That’s nuts. Honestly, don’t do it. Have a rethink. Can you not use a different marquee? Is there no way you can fit in a larger one? Can you do it somewhere else?
Post # 11
How many guests would you be inviting if you did cut the list by 100?
Post # 12
How big is your original guest list? Will you be cutting it down more than half in order to fit in your parent’s house? Or is the original list 500 people… What style party are you planning? Do you want a sit down dinner or could you have a more casual “open house” style event? The open house options allows people to come and go, so the number of people in you parent’s backyard at any given time will be smaller.
Post # 13
Cutting Guest list is part of getting married. You simply can not invite everyone. Plus think of it this way there will people who decline, people who are no shows, and people who will just show up. You really have no control. So you might as well invite the people who are close to you and forget those who you may see every few years. you don’t want a venue because there are all these rules and they charge a lot per plate. We actually moved our wedding to a park. I really did want to get mad at people. Anyone who want to come can come and if you don’t well thats fine too. The problem with most parks is no alcohol. We found a very cheap recreation center in the park where for a fee we could have alcohol.
Post # 14
I agree with the idea to scrap the list and begin anew. To have to cut 100 means your list must be enormous to begin with. Have you guys thought about how many people can use the toilet at your parents’ house without overwhelming the system? (only applies if you have septic, but even so, it’s food for thought).
If you can’t identify a person by their picture (and they’re not connected to someone you can), then don’t add them to the list. If you don’t know their last name, their SO’s name or similar, you’re just not that close. I left off almost the entire family on my father’s side because I hadn’t seen them in 15 years or more. I invited the three I felt closest to and called it quits there – none came anyway. Otherwise I’d have had well over 20 extra people I didn’t even really know. If they were offended, I don’t know about it – we still make pleasantries over facebook.
I dont’ know how big your family is, but just start with parents and siblings, grandparents, aunts/uncles and cousins. How big is your list with just them? Add your very closest friends. If you haven’t met up in the last year, leave them out. It’s not an insult, it’s practicality. Your list sounds so out of hand (at a guess based on how many they’re saying to cut) that I’m thinking you probably don’t really know half or more of the invitees.
Post # 15
Thanks everyone for the suggestions. I like the idea about starting over completely with the guest list. That may help.
As far as either limiting it to only family or cutting the extended family…that’s a tough one. None of the extended family is invited to our Destination Wedding. For that it’s super small. Just immediate family and bridal party. And, like I said, FI’s family is huge. So even though we’re only close with PART of the extended family, it’s not like we could just cut part of them. That would piss off a lot of people. And we don’t want to JUST invite family because we’re much closer with our group of friends than most of FI’s family anyway. So if we HAD to go by who was important to us…that just wouldn’t make sense.
As far as the number…that was a huge mistake on my parents’ part (and mine). They honestly thought (from previous parties they’ve hosted) that they could fit 200 or so people in the yard. And I kept asking them to get the tent guy out as soon as possible but they’re super busy and they just didn’t realize how big of a priority it should have been. Well, like I said, I guess our spatial reasoning is seriously off because the tent guy said it was impossible. I think part of it has to do with some recent landscaping (like in the last couple years). The tent guy says definitely no more than 120 people in the tent. If we added tables to the first floor we could get another 60 or so. But I think that’ll get seriously crowded because that’s where the caterer was going to be, plus we were using part as our dance floor. Our guest list was around 250 before. So technically we could get away with 180 but…ugh, it just hurts to think this way. Now we’re looking to rent flooring to basically go over the driveway for the dance floor…
Fiance wishes we were just having a cocktail and app reception which would make this soooo much easier. But my parents keep saying that if we expect people to fly out for this event (my whole family lives out of state) then we have to feed them properly, which means a seated dinner. Also, my parents are paying for this whole thing so they definitely have some say in stuff.
I’m sure there’s other stuff I’m not even thinking of. My mind is going a million miles a minute.