(Closed) Got into a fight with DH about my hair…

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 167
Member
5 posts
Newbee

I can’t believe people are actually telling you that you need to stick it out and try counseling. You’re married to an ASSHOLE. He’s been cutting you down for your entire relationship, and it’s beginning to escalate day by day. Leave. Just leave. He isn’t going to change. 

Post # 168
Member
1938 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

HUGS! I believe you said your counseling session was today… hoping it went/goes well! Just focus on YOU and what makes you happiest in life, and if thats not him… then its not! 

Post # 169
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I think it’s sad that he is acting this way, but I don’t think it’s about your hair…or his friends….I think he has something else going on. Like an insecurity? I’m not sure but he needs to explore why he is acting this way towards you. 

 

I always feel most beautiful when my hair is blown out and my makeup is all done up………but my SO prefers me makeup free, hair in a pony and sweats. I feel like MOST men prefer their lady in her most natural state. So, for him to make these comments makes me question his “interest” in you.

 

Obviously he loves you or he wouldn’t have married you. But, if he (for whatever reason) suddenly feels unattracted to you-then HE needs to work on it. NOT YOU!

Post # 170
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Also, after reading other comments I went searching for your picture. You are SO attractive for a young woman. You are also very young, 23, IF you decide to leave him, this will not reflect poorly on you. Good luck however this turns out!!!!!!!!!!!

Post # 171
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

I just want to echo the PPs who have said that you should divorce this man and move on.  I don’t think counseling will change the very fundamental problem here that your husband is an abuser.  What he is going is very obvious emotional abuse.

 

 Even the strongest woman can’t endure long term, persistent bullying and tormenting.  Personally, I was in a relationship for less than a year with an emotionally abusive man and it nearly killed me.  I dropped to 98 pounds at 5’7″ and had no idea that I looked like death.  I completely mentally and emotionally checked out, I had no idea what was going on around me. we broke up and he kept manipulating me back to him.  I thought I needed him.

5 days after I found the strength to cut him out of my life ffor good, I started seeing my SO, the love of my life, who treats me like a queen always.  I didn’t realize I deserved that until I met him.

You deserve that too, you deserve a man that worships the ground you work on and feels lucky to be with you and lucky to heaters on your team.  

as PPs have said, hindsight is 20/20.  While maybe you didnt pick up on all of the signs during the years, Im sure that he has ggradually eroded your confidence in yourself and uyour feelings of self worth and efficacy.

my so’s ex wife was emotionally abusive, he also got married very young, and even as it escalated he didn’t want to accept hhis failure at the marriage.  They didn’t get divorced until they had their first child.  You don’t want to add kids to the picture, and allow him to damage them too.

you have this opportunity to build a better life for yourself than you’ve ever really known in your  adult life.  Go take your life back, divorce this douche, and find yourself a real man.  That’s not a failure, that’s a success story.

 

 

Post # 172
Member
1457 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@MrsBeck:  Any updates, OP?

Post # 173
Member
6117 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

There is nothing to salvage with this guy.  He’s not worth it.  I am sorry.

Post # 174
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Can’t believe he actually said “sometimes I just hate you.” Man. This guy is scum. Pure scum.

I do hope that somehow counseling will make him suddenly see the error of his ways and be completely apologetic, but with how he has been acting to you, I guess I just don’t see it happening. But who knows!

If this does end in a divorce, I want you to take a nice, long, tropical vacation!

Post # 175
Member
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Please update, OP! *hugs*

Post # 176
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

My boyfriend would never insulted me persnally while arguing, maybe the B word in extreme anger (and honestly I’m a brat lol and he is justified in the B word usage simply because it’s never like “I’m going to kill you, you’re a b” it’s generally, “I know you think I’m being an a-hole and I think you’re being kind of a b right now and we both need to cool off or this convo will go nowhere and I don’t want us saying things we will regret”. NEVER EVER have my looks come up. NOT ONCE, I walk around with clay face masks in granny panties eating ice cream from the carton and the worst comment I’ve ever gotten is “you look like avatar!” while getting kissed on the nose to purposely smear my mask. Your husband is allowed to have opinions but if you pinning your hair back is a real problem (which REALLY shouldn’t be) all he has to say is “Hey MrsBeck, I miss the way you used to dress up for me, let’s try to have 1 night a week where we get fancy for each other after work and make it a date night even if it’s just us at home!” He should never call you ugly. I am so sorry you’re going thru this 🙁

Post # 179
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@MrsBeck:  Hey, glad to hear such a positive update! I hope things continue looking up, but it seems like things are certainly on the right path!

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