Post # 167
I can’t believe people are actually telling you that you need to stick it out and try counseling. You’re married to an ASSHOLE. He’s been cutting you down for your entire relationship, and it’s beginning to escalate day by day. Leave. Just leave. He isn’t going to change.
Post # 168
HUGS! I believe you said your counseling session was today… hoping it went/goes well! Just focus on YOU and what makes you happiest in life, and if thats not him… then its not!
Post # 169
I think it’s sad that he is acting this way, but I don’t think it’s about your hair…or his friends….I think he has something else going on. Like an insecurity? I’m not sure but he needs to explore why he is acting this way towards you.
I always feel most beautiful when my hair is blown out and my makeup is all done up………but my SO prefers me makeup free, hair in a pony and sweats. I feel like MOST men prefer their lady in her most natural state. So, for him to make these comments makes me question his “interest” in you.
Obviously he loves you or he wouldn’t have married you. But, if he (for whatever reason) suddenly feels unattracted to you-then HE needs to work on it. NOT YOU!
Post # 170
Also, after reading other comments I went searching for your picture. You are SO attractive for a young woman. You are also very young, 23, IF you decide to leave him, this will not reflect poorly on you. Good luck however this turns out!!!!!!!!!!!
Post # 171
I just want to echo the PPs who have said that you should divorce this man and move on. I don’t think counseling will change the very fundamental problem here that your husband is an abuser. What he is going is very obvious emotional abuse.
Even the strongest woman can’t endure long term, persistent bullying and tormenting. Personally, I was in a relationship for less than a year with an emotionally abusive man and it nearly killed me. I dropped to 98 pounds at 5’7″ and had no idea that I looked like death. I completely mentally and emotionally checked out, I had no idea what was going on around me. we broke up and he kept manipulating me back to him. I thought I needed him.
5 days after I found the strength to cut him out of my life ffor good, I started seeing my SO, the love of my life, who treats me like a queen always. I didn’t realize I deserved that until I met him.
You deserve that too, you deserve a man that worships the ground you work on and feels lucky to be with you and lucky to heaters on your team.
as PPs have said, hindsight is 20/20. While maybe you didnt pick up on all of the signs during the years, Im sure that he has ggradually eroded your confidence in yourself and uyour feelings of self worth and efficacy.
my so’s ex wife was emotionally abusive, he also got married very young, and even as it escalated he didn’t want to accept hhis failure at the marriage. They didn’t get divorced until they had their first child. You don’t want to add kids to the picture, and allow him to damage them too.
you have this opportunity to build a better life for yourself than you’ve ever really known in your adult life. Go take your life back, divorce this douche, and find yourself a real man. That’s not a failure, that’s a success story.
Post # 172
@MrsBeck: Any updates, OP?
Post # 173
There is nothing to salvage with this guy. He’s not worth it. I am sorry.
Post # 174
Can’t believe he actually said “sometimes I just hate you.” Man. This guy is scum. Pure scum.
I do hope that somehow counseling will make him suddenly see the error of his ways and be completely apologetic, but with how he has been acting to you, I guess I just don’t see it happening. But who knows!
If this does end in a divorce, I want you to take a nice, long, tropical vacation!
Post # 175
Please update, OP! *hugs*
Post # 176
My boyfriend would never insulted me persnally while arguing, maybe the B word in extreme anger (and honestly I’m a brat lol and he is justified in the B word usage simply because it’s never like “I’m going to kill you, you’re a b” it’s generally, “I know you think I’m being an a-hole and I think you’re being kind of a b right now and we both need to cool off or this convo will go nowhere and I don’t want us saying things we will regret”. NEVER EVER have my looks come up. NOT ONCE, I walk around with clay face masks in granny panties eating ice cream from the carton and the worst comment I’ve ever gotten is “you look like avatar!” while getting kissed on the nose to purposely smear my mask. Your husband is allowed to have opinions but if you pinning your hair back is a real problem (which REALLY shouldn’t be) all he has to say is “Hey MrsBeck, I miss the way you used to dress up for me, let’s try to have 1 night a week where we get fancy for each other after work and make it a date night even if it’s just us at home!” He should never call you ugly. I am so sorry you’re going thru this 🙁
Post # 177
Thanks for following up bees! Things have been going well! I’m actually happier than I have been in a long time. Counseling has helped as we are both talking about ways we can change and make our relationship work. He expressed his fears immediately (with my encouragment) that this would be one sided counseling and that he would be blamed for everything going wrong.
Now granted, quite a few of the things that happened were based on mean things he said but I’m learning that there are different ways to react and treat him as well that have really helped things.
Things aren’t perfect and we are still working on it but I’m optimistic at this point. Even though he has apologized for all of the hurtful things he has said I still carry them around with me and ocassionally even cry when I think about it. We have been spending more time together and have been finding things we like to do together (we have started disc golfing and playing tennis together) and we are enjoying each other’s company.
One of the things we discussed is fighting fair and I gave him my list of deal breakers. He knows that if he puts his friends before me or tells me he hates me again that this will be over.
I know some bees would probably have left already due to some of the things that happened but I wanted to give it a shot as I moved my life 8 hours away from my family and friends for him. Also, despite the things I have vented about on the bee he really has done wonderful things for me as well.
Post # 178
@Mrs_Amanda: You read my mind!
Post # 179
@MrsBeck: Hey, glad to hear such a positive update! I hope things continue looking up, but it seems like things are certainly on the right path!