(Closed) Got into a fight with DH about my hair…

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 93
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

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@MrsBeck:  I feel for you! If you ever want to chat you can PM me! Good luck.

Post # 94
Member
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

What an ass, I am so sorry you’re dealing with this but better to get out now than later on down the line.  There is someone out there who does deserve you and will think you’re beautiful no matter what!

Post # 95
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@MrsBeck:  Wow, I am hashing out some of the newest things you posted, mentally.

We know he gaslights you, that it started almost immediately after marriage, that he is confident you won’t divorce him no matter what because it is “difficult,” and that you didn’t even push to be married.

Do you think it is possible he wanted to marry you specifically so he could stop trying to win your affection and start controlling you instead, and you would be “stuck” because in his mind, you won’t leave because of the difficulties of divorce? So he could just treat you like crap for as long as he wants and have you under this thumb?

I think he is very emotionally abusive, and that is every bit as bad as physical abuse, and at only 1.5 months in, I would imagine it will only escalate if it is already this bad. The fact that he not only refuses counseling, but is furious that you are going, and says he won’t listen to anything a counseler says, shows to me that he does indeed enjoy controlling you, and does not want to stop. He wants your relationship to be this way.

Did you find out anything about a civil annulment?

Post # 96
Member
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

He sounds like an asshole who isn’t ready to be married. He’s picking fights with you because he’s pissed about not being out with the guys. Get rid of him.

Post # 97
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Wow — I can’t imagine my SO ever talking to me like that. You don’t deserve that sort of treatment. Has he talked to you like this in the past?

Post # 99
Member
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Something is not adding up, OP. I don’t usually condone this but have you looked at his phone or email?

Post # 100
Member
2615 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@MrsBeck:  being divorced or having a failed marriage by NO FAULT OF your own is not to be ashamed. better divorcee/have one bad marriage then to be in a body bag. IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE!! PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!! i have been there- i was 24 and divorced but i was alive-  the verbal abuse is just the start of the horrible cycle.  emotional abuse,finaical abuse and physical abuse will  folow- i realized my ex was capable of laying a finger on me when he broke through a door after a heated arguement- he took my cell phone and threw it against the wall. leaving me virtually stranded from getting help.  only reason he stopped yelling and threatening was becuase a neighbor heard the noise and decided to try to intervene….

Post # 102
Member
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@MrsBeck:  I was in your same situation with my ex, and all I can say is he is my ex for a very good reason. No one deserves to put up with abuse, whether it be emotional, verbal, or physical. I know it is hard giving up on a marriage when you’re only 1.5 months in, but it seems you guys get nowhere and he picks on you for really BS stuff. Do you really, truly, want to go through this for the rest of your life?

Post # 103
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@MrsBeck:  Yes, I think it is fair. What exactly does he think is unfair about it? The fact is, if things continue as they are you are going to leave him anyhow, so honestly counseling is more to his benefit than yours. You are giving him a chance to redeem himself before you walk. 

Of course he is going to be more opposed to it – he has a wife who does everything for him, with little happening in return. He is not the one being made to feel like total crap everyday, so of course it isn’t important to him.

Post # 104
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrsBeck:  So with the other thread, I was ready to give him the benefit of the doubt since you guys are young and he’s obviously immature but this has now gotten to an abusive level and I think you need to do something drastic.

I’m all for counseling IF he’ll go but I’m not sure he will. If he will not, move on. Separate from him and see if the time apart wakes him up to his shitty, abusive behavior. If it doesn’t, look to planning a future without him in it because no one has a right to talk to you like that.

If you can’t be at your worst in front of your life partner who made a vow to love you for better or for worse (and BELIEVE ME pinned back hair is far from the worst the vow is referring to) without being called names then why make they vow in the first place.

I am so, so sorry this happened. I promise you that you will move on from this. It’s time to focus on you and your well-being, his right to your love and attention was squandered when he decided to become verbally and emotionally abusive.

((HUGS)) 

Post # 105
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@MrsBeck:  I just want to say I’m so sorry you are going through this.  I’ve read your updates and I think it is absolutely fair to give an ultimatum of a trial separation if he doesn’t agree to counselling… just please follow through with it if he continues to refuse.  I’m not surprised he freaked out when you told him that, because it sounds like he doesn’t expect you would ever leave him (based on his comments on divorce being too difficult).  He is the one who is treating you unfairly and if he won’t make an effort to make the situation better, you are better off without him.

Post # 106
Member
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

My fiance questions why I’m wearing makeup when I wear it on rare occasions because he thinks that I’m beautiful without augmentation of any sort. He has never said a single negative thing about my appearance in the nearly four years we’ve been together.

You really should look into a civil annulment, especially if he isn’t willing to go to counselling.

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