(Closed) Got my first awkward e-mail…

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5473 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@capitalbee:  I think your response is perfect.  It’s polite and very clear.  

We didn’t invite many children either, and that meant that some out of town family was unable to attend.  No big deal, we have the right to invite (or not invite) whomever we choose, and those invited have the right to decline if they so choose.

Post # 4
1678 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@capitalbee:  i am going through the kid battle as well…its so tough! i think your response was perfect. i’m waiting for my first mesage/email – my invites went out tuesday…

Post # 5
1798 posts
Buzzing bee

I think your response was the right one, and I don’t think his cousin was coming from a spiteful place when she sent the email in the first place. I think some people truly can’t or won’t leave their children for a night, and that is totally up to them. If she does get upset about it there’s not much you can do. As long as you have sent invititations specifically for people to bring their children I don’t see that it will become a problem with people not bringing their children.

Post # 6
4424 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I think that was well put. You were clear and to the  point and very polite. We didn’t have kids at our wedding except our niece (the flower girl and only member of the wedding “party”) and my 13-year-old cousins because they were traveling from out of state. There are no other kid members of our families except these 3, so that made it super easy. For guests, only one couple had younger children and we just told them it was an adult event since it was an evening wedding on NYE. They had a blast, but left a little earlier than the rest. Totally cool. 

Post # 7
2529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

You’re fine – ya did good with that reply.

Also: GOOD, maybe she won’t go.
Who wants THAT at their wedding?
Sending an email that (politely) threatens her sending her “regrets” if her kids aren’t allowed to go?? OMG, lady – get a babysitter! There is life outside of your children, they’ll live if you step out for a few hours!!!

Post # 8
2677 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

I think I’d leave out the “we’ll miss you” line just in case they do decide to come, plus I kind of read it with a snarky-ish tone.  I don’t think you meant it that way though & otherwise your response sounds very clear, polite, & empathetic.

Post # 9
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
@stephanie091512:  totally agree!

she may still decide to come without kids so I would just omit that last part assuming that’s her final decision. 

Post # 10
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@capitalbee:  Your reply is sweet and enttirely appropriate.  

Frankly, I don’t really care for the cousin stating that they can’t/won’t come if their kids aren’t invited.  They should have merely asked the question (if the invitation baffled them) and responded accordingly.

Don’t feel bad.  You’ve done nothing wrong, you have nothing to feel bad about.

Post # 13
3571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

View original reply
@CakeyP:  Wow, that’s a bit harsh IMO. We have no idea where those people live and if they live around family. It’s nearly impossible to get an overnight/multi-night “babysitter.” 

Sure, it would have been perhaps a bit more tactful to not mention that they might not be able to attend if the kids weren’t invited but for once this particular instance actually doesn’t sound at all like a threat. Just like she wasn’t sure and wanted to make sure she understood correctly so they could reply accordingly.

OP, I think you did a great job. E-mails like this can be tricky, but it sounds like you both handled it well. 


Post # 14
14 posts

I think your message was totally appropriate.

One thing we did was for people who were coming into town and had to bring kids (our venue couldn’t accomodate them either), we hooked up a few friends who were willing to babysit. One person watched the others’ kids for a night. The parents came to the wedding kid-free, then the kids still came around our house the next day. Worked out pretty well.

But in terms of what you said to the cousin, it sounded great to me.


Post # 15
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@capitalbee:  I think you handled that pretty well!  I see you’re getting married a week after we are in the Capital!!!  What venue did you select?  And good on you for already having your invites out!  We still haven’t sent them, but hoping we have them in our hands early next week to get those shipped out.  Hope your planning is coming along nicelyLaughing

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