Got some unwanted news…

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
240 posts
Helper bee

I’m so sorry for what you went through. Bad relationships can feel like they go on forever, even when they’re over. I think you have every right to feel hurt and upset.

My situation is a little different, but I can understand where you’re coming from. I was engaged to my bf of 7 years. A month before the wedding, he came clean that he’d had sex with a coworker and was leaving me to be with her. Regardless of starting my life over, the worst was the updates: when he changed his relationship status to dating her, posting pictures of the two of them on Facebook, waiting for the inevitable proposal and engagement, etc.

So I did exactly what you did with ridding him from social media and trying to put as much distance between us as humanly possible. It definitely helped, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Therapy was great, but I think what helped me the most was trying to create a life that was entirely different than the life I would’ve lived with him. I started traveling more, got into new hobbies, even saved up money and got a puppy that he NEVER would’ve let me get.

I know you’re hurting. Try to remember that he’s a total jerk and, as lame as it is to hear, you’re so much better off without him. And to avoid feeling like this again, literally tell every friend and family member to get rid of him on social media and not mention him anymore. Let people know that you’d appreciate them shutting the hell up. You can get through this just like you’ve gotten through the rest of it ❤️

Post # 3
Member
1432 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

Bee you are going to be so happy someday when your find your person.  I’m so sorry this happened to you.  What he did to you was shitty but he freed you to meet the one.  He didn’t marry you being too cowardly to admit his feelings.  

As a fellow bee who was cheated on and left for someone else (but I was married), take all the time you need to heal.  I advocate for counseling.  It helps!  I’m so happy now and you will be too. 

Post # 4
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Well you weren’t the right woman for him… that’s sad and feel your pain but he didn’t leave you for a one night stand or a fling but for the woman who was right for him…. and if he met the right person things can go fast! Believe me! When I met the right person things went so fast I still am in awe when I take a moment to look at things.

Something similar happend to me about 12 years ago after a 5.5 year relationship. And they are still together as far as I know.  Good for them. Then it was the right choice for him. 

And there’s someone out there for you! It took me almost 35 years to find my soulmate. And I wouldn’t want it any other way!

what I personally don’t get is how some people manage to change horses in full gallop. I personally believe one needs a break but who am I to judge…

Post # 5
Member
4692 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Your cousin should know better than telling you that. People really don’t think sometimes. Karma’s a b***h, focus on yourself and your happiness. Leave him in the dust. You’re most important now! Stay strong. Everything happens for a reason.

Post # 6
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

its ok to be sad and feel pain, these things take time. 

time will heal all and one day you will go back to thinking less and less of him. although i am married and have moved on from my ex, there is still some days it haunts me in my dreams. i remember all the bullshit he put me through and i remembered everything and all the time it took to overcome the pain. 

take the effort to fall in love with yourself. remeber to love and pamper yourself.

 

Post # 7
Member
3203 posts
Sugar bee

He will eventually cheat on her. Be glad you dodged a bullet.

Post # 8
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee

I read your previous post. It’s hard when people treat us badly and then seem to go on and live a happy life. But this guy sounded like trouble to me. He doesn’t believe relationships should take work and there should just be a “spark”? I wouldn’t want to start a life, much less a family, with someone who had those unrealistic expectations.

Like PPs said, these things take time to heal. Don’t focus on it, but don’t feel like a failure because the shitty thing he did still hurts. He’s someone else’s problem now.

 

Post # 10
Hostess
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Shmacaaa : you’re strong bee, you will get through this. I know this sort of information really hurts about an ex and it’s difficult but you have such strong moral character I know you’ll be fine.

Post # 11
Member
10587 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Shmacaaa :  

Well, isn’t his new gf just one lucky lady?  She snagged herself a cheater. Mazel tov.

Post # 12
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee

Shmacaaa :  I had a really similar situation, right down to people occasionally dropping unwanted updates on me (they felt I *should * know).  I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but by cutting off reminders of him and cutting off contact, you are doing the right things to get to a happier place.  A real turning point for me was when I realized that I wasn’t really sad because I missed him anymore, I was angry and embarrassed that this had happened to me, and that he had found someone so much “better.” I can still work up that anger if I really think about it, but eventually I just moved on with my life and had nothing to sustain those feelings.  A couple years after all this went down, he felt the need to tell me he was having a baby with his wife he left me for (and got engaged to after a year), and all I felt was annoyed that he thought he had any right to intrude on my much happier life.  You will get there, it just takes time, especially since you were together so long.  The best thing I did besides cutting off contact was cutting off the “ruminating” – whenever he came to mind, I consciously forced myself to think of something else.  Eventually it worked. 

Post # 14
Member
1505 posts
Bumble bee

Why was she harassing you? That is so fucked up. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. Be kind to yourself. It’s ok to be angry. Time will help you heal.

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