(Closed) Gotta get something off my chest LONG

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
13082 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m really sorry this all happened to you.  Family is important, and it sucks that it was basically taken from you over chicken pox.  Addressing this with any of them is going to be really hard because there are so many emotions involved.  Could you try writing a detailed (and calm) letter to your mother, your uncle, anyone else who wronged you in this regard, and explain how you feel about it?  Maybe your wedding can be what brings the entire family back together!

Good luck!  I’m sorry I don’t have better advice for you.

Post # 5
3943 posts
Honey bee

Throughout the years my mom has also aliented herself from all family members. In turn, my siblings and I were also shunned. As a result, I dont have a single aunt, uncle or cousin to invite to my wedding. Literally out of 80 guests, 3 will be my family members ( my mom and my 2 siblings).

I totally sympathsize with the pain and anger you are experiencing. There isn’t much I can do about it now, except to break the cycle when I have kids. I want them to understand the value of family, and never want to get in the way of their relationships.

Good luck!

Post # 6
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Maybe your mom’s subconsiously blaming you for all this mess. After all, YOU got the chicken pox. Not your fault of course but seems like your mom is in denial that she did anything wrong. She is using you as a scapgoat. If you hadn’t contracted chicken pox, then she would have been able to go see her mom that Christmas 20 years ago. And now she wouldn’t have lost out in the will.

Fault is between both your mom and your mom’s mom. Not you.

If you want to invite your uncle, please try to pay for your entire wedding yourself. You really should try to scale back on something or other so that you do not have to ask your mom (or as you say “butter her up”) for cash. You will feel a lot better paying for it all by yourselves and this problem you seem to be having about inviting your uncle will disappear! Who pays the piper, plays the tune. (Whether it’s 25% of the piper’s money or 100%. There will always be SOME input from the person who is footing part of the bill. You can’t avoid that.)

Post # 7
2316 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Old Stone House in Brookyn

How is it your uncle’s fault that his mother left him more money? Honestly, your mom sounds really unreasonable, and I don’t think it’s worth tip-toeing around her feelings when she gets upset over such meaningless things. If she’s this sensitive, she’ll find reasons to fight with you no matter what, so screw it! Do what YOU want and what YOU think is right.

Post # 9
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You have every reason to feel upset, of course. I know you are upset with your mom for her actions and rightfully so but, be strong and try not to perpetuate what your mom has done in the past, or rather don’t let your relationship with your mother deteriorate becasue of this. I only say this because my parents have lied to me about big things and I have felt so betrayed by my mom but I have her in my life in a way that she is weaved in well but not toxic. When my mom becomes toxic I put up a barrier but I decited that it was better to forgive her actions ( not forget them) and keep our relationship going:)  everyone has a little drama in their life! I hope you find Mary and that you do invite your uncle to your wedding.


Post # 11
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

That’s awful. I’m so sorry for you. : (

I would veto your mom. Even if it meant losing her contribution, I would want the rest of my family there. But, then again, it sounds like your mom might consider not attending your wedding, and you probably wouldn’t want that either. : /

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. There’s no easy solution, that’s for sure.

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