Post # 46
She sounds like a psychopath. Who the hell says that to a pregnant woman??? I would have said “Actually it’s a great sign of a strong healthy baby, did they not know that back when you had kids?” It’s pointless trying to reason with someone like that, so I would just aim to treat her like the deluded nutcase that she is. Thank god she lives six hours away is all I can say.
I would definilty talk to your man about how he can support you in this, but I guess it’s also worth remembering that she is his mother and he is probably in a bit of deniel about things I mean who would want to accept the fact that their own mother can be so insane 🙁
Congrats on your pregnancy!! Focus on the little miracle that is growing inside you and let whatever words this stupid woman has to say wash over you like they’re nothing.
Post # 47
What an absolute B.
I also got the “she’s not intending to be rude” comment from my Fiance about Future Mother-In-Law – nowhere near as offensive as what was said to you, but Future Mother-In-Law kept telling me all about Fi’s exes and how beautiful they were and how they would have made attractive children. I told Fiance that regardless of FMIL’s intentions, the comments came across as rude, and upset me. He talked to her about it and she’s been better since.
A similar thing happened to my mother, who had my dad tell her “she’s just odd, she doesn’t mean to be rude” about my grandmother until she started criticising my mother’s parenting (while she was suffering from postnatal depression, no less) – at which point my father said to his mother “you can either back off, or not see your grandchildren again”. She got the hint. Perhaps soon it will be time for a very frank conversation between your Darling Husband and his mum.
Post # 48
Your husband is just as bad as her. I’d be appalled if my husband shrugged that off.
Post # 49
Congrats on your expecting 😉 take well sleep
Post # 50
theatrejulia: I like how this has nearly 40 “likes”!!! YASSS!
Post # 51
loden: my worry is her behaviour when your child is born … I’m sorry I forsee undermining you, saying nasty comments about you to the baby, most grandmas start to dote on their grandkids I don’t thi she will be any different in fact i bet she will be over the top So you need to iron out ground rules and get your husband on board.
Post # 52
- Wedding: September 2016 - Ambient + Studio
I can’t believe she said that. Sometime in the next 7-8 months you will need to lay into her real good and then you can blame it on your hormones. 😁 Whatever you do, make sure she is NOT in your delivery room! 😱 She’s going to be a total piece of work if you don’t make that clear to your husband from Day 1! . Just tell hubby, him (and your mom) ONLY!
Post # 53
loden: Congrats on the little one! How exciting!!! =)
I have to agree with PP, that your husband is just as bad as his mother for brushing off her awful comments. He needs to stand with you as his wife. Darling Husband needs to talk to his horrid mother.
You stated that your husband goes to visit his mother alone… I agree, no way in hell would I visit that woman. However, is your husband planning on taking the child to visit awful Mother-In-Law without you? If you two haven’t talked about this, I would. Set ground rules. Child DOES NOT go to visit Mother-In-Law. MIL may visit once a year BUT IS NOT staying in your house. She needs to be at a hotel! I really hope your husband sees he needs to be stand with his family… his wife and child… not his awful mother.
Post # 54
Unfortunately my husband and I aren’t seeing eye to eye on this one. In the past he has definitely stood up for me – calling out his mother for her behavior in front of family more times than one, setting boundaries during our visits, limiting phone calls to a few per week rather than every single day – but this time he says he just doesn’t see that she said anything rude. He said her reaction WAS excitement…that’s just how she reacts to unexpected news. The question about the baby being an accident was just a question and the remark about morning sickness being my body’s way of trying to get rid of the child was just something she read. He feels I cannot get angry at her for being “uneducated”. We talked about this last night until we were blue in the face. It wasn’t a productive conversation so we decided not to continue until we are in a counseling session.
I’m struggling because I know with a baby this will be a different ballgame. In the past I have been able to hold my tongue when she tells me that I don’t cook enough, or that I have my kitchen set-up the wrong way but I will not tolerate remarks about how I parent my child. I expressed this concern to my husband last night and he said that most older people do give advice about children so basically he doesn’t understand why that would be an issue. It makes me sad because I realize that we did not make any progress in our previous counseling sessions even though I had thought we were on the same page. Perhaps the counselor wasn’t the right fit for us.
I do know this has to be resolved before the baby comes. You all can be assured that Mother-In-Law will be absolutely nowhere near the delivery room 😉
Post # 55
Also I should add that I think my husband may be hesitant to agree that Mother-In-Law was out of line last night because I think he’s afraid of what door that will open. As in I think he may be afraid that I will not allow DH’s family to be part of baby’s life (which would break his heart, he is very close to his family and he has a great dad, siblings, aunts/uncles, etc.). I can’t think of any other reason why he would be so defensive of her in this one particular situation. In past situations it wasn’t even a question as he agreed that she was obviously out of line.
Post # 56
loden: Take it into your own hands. When my gran asks me what I’m cooking for my boyfriend for dinner, I tell her, “Gran, he has two hands. If he gets hungry, he can feed himself. And me, while he’s at it.” She doesn’t like it (and I’m not really like that) but it keeps her quiet.
If Darling Husband thinks there’s nothing wrong with her behavious now, then you do it right back to her and see if he tries to justify her behaviour. You deserve to be happy and relaxed, especially when pregnant so if you can’t beat ’em, at least have fun with ’em ;o)
Post # 57
loden: I am so sorry you have to deal with that!! I’ve posted several times about my monster in law and honestly I expect 100% of these answers when we do get pregnant.. everytime we have discussed having kids around her she shuts down and changes the subject.. she’s also 100% told us “no you guys shouldn’t have kids”
I’m dreading it. Don’t let her steal your excitement. Do like I did for wedding planning.. she should no longer be included in anything. Be excited and don’t let her ruin this for you!! It’s a great time and stress isn’t good for an unborn baby so don’t let her ignorance and negativity change the excitement for you!
Post # 58
loden: Your mil has your husband wrapped around his finger and he doesn’t have the balls to stand up for his family. That’s sad. And to set an expectation that it would be ok for her to butt in parenting in the future as old people do it is just absurd. Doesnt look like Darling Husband would be stepping up for you or his kid or setting boundaries. But you can cut all contact with her.
Post # 59
loden: if this is why you think hes defensive why don’t you tell him that? or at least say that you won’t do it unless they physically/emotionally harm your kids. He might then put his defensive wall down and work in the issue (Still keep the counseling session though). Someone asked if your Mother-In-Law was foreign but you didn’t answer. If she is there is a lot more to her response than her being a massive B (although still completely inappropriate). If not remember as a soon to be mother you will have to show not to take to heart what people say (because someone will always try to put you down especially at school and even friends). Be confident in yourself laugh at how ridiculous and petty she is and at worst be glad you don’t have to involve her!
DWIL is great but they also can give very bad advice depending on your particular circumstances which is why you should go to an impartial counselor who can deal with the issues you are going through (eg cultural differences).
Post # 60
loden: I think you need to tell your husband that you have no intention of cutting his mom out of the baby’s life AS LONG AS THE STATUS QUO DOES NOT CONTINUE. And that means that he MUST stand up for you, which means calling his mom out on her passive-aggressive bullshit. If he can’t do that, then you have no choice but to cut her off completely.
Also, I think you definitely need a new therapist – one that believes in the “each person deals with their own parents” philosophy.