(Closed) Grab your popcorn: We told my MIL I'm pregnant

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 46
Member
888 posts
Busy bee

She sounds like a psychopath. Who the hell says that to a pregnant woman??? I would have said “Actually it’s a great sign of a strong healthy baby, did they not know that back when you had kids?” It’s pointless trying to reason with someone like that, so I would just aim to treat her like the deluded nutcase that she is. Thank god she lives six hours away is all I can say.

I would definilty talk to your man about how he can support you in this, but I guess it’s also worth remembering that she is his mother and he is probably in a bit of deniel about things I mean who would want to accept the fact that their own mother can be so insane 🙁

Congrats on your pregnancy!! Focus on the little miracle that is growing inside you and let whatever words this stupid woman has to say wash over you like they’re nothing.

Post # 47
Member
1592 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

What an absolute B.

I also got the “she’s not intending to be rude” comment from my Fiance about Future Mother-In-Law – nowhere near as offensive as what was said to you, but Future Mother-In-Law kept telling me all about Fi’s exes and how beautiful they were and how they would have made attractive children. I told Fiance that regardless of FMIL’s intentions, the comments came across as rude, and upset me. He talked to her about it and she’s been better since.

A similar thing happened to my mother, who had my dad tell her “she’s just odd, she doesn’t mean to be rude” about my grandmother until she started criticising my mother’s parenting (while she was suffering from postnatal depression, no less) – at which point my father said to his mother “you can either back off, or not see your grandchildren again”. She got the hint. Perhaps soon it will be time for a very frank conversation between your Darling Husband and his mum.

Post # 48
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Your husband is just as bad as her. I’d be appalled if my husband shrugged that off. 

Post # 49
Member
25 posts
Newbee

Congrats on your expecting 😉 take well sleep 

Post # 50
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee

 

theatrejulia:  I like how this has nearly 40 “likes”!!! YASSS!

Post # 51
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

loden:  my worry is her behaviour when your child is born … I’m sorry I forsee undermining you, saying nasty comments about you to the baby, most grandmas start to dote on their grandkids I don’t thi she will be any different in fact i bet she will be over the top So you need to iron out ground rules and get your husband on board. 

Post # 52
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Ambient + Studio

I can’t believe she said that.  Sometime in the next 7-8 months you will need to lay into her real good and then you can blame it on your hormones.  😁  Whatever you do, make sure she is NOT in your delivery room! 😱  She’s going to be a total piece of work if you don’t make that clear to your husband from Day 1! .  Just tell hubby, him (and your mom) ONLY! 

Post # 53
Member
1919 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

loden:  Congrats on the little one! How exciting!!! =)

I have to agree with PP, that your husband is just as bad as his mother for brushing off her awful comments. He needs to stand with you as his wife. Darling Husband needs to talk to his horrid mother.

You stated that your husband goes to visit his mother alone… I agree, no way in hell would I visit that woman. However, is your husband planning on taking the child to visit awful Mother-In-Law without you? If you two haven’t talked about this, I would. Set ground rules. Child DOES NOT go to visit Mother-In-Law. MIL may visit once a year BUT IS NOT staying in your house. She needs to be at a hotel! I really hope your husband sees he needs to be stand with his family… his wife and child… not his awful mother.

Post # 56
Member
230 posts
Helper bee

loden:  Take it into your own hands. When my gran asks me what I’m cooking for my boyfriend for dinner, I tell her, “Gran, he has two hands. If he gets hungry, he can feed himself. And me, while he’s at it.” She doesn’t like it (and I’m not really like that) but it keeps her quiet.

If Darling Husband thinks there’s nothing wrong with her behavious now, then you do it right back to her and see if he tries to justify her behaviour. You deserve to be happy and relaxed, especially when pregnant so if you can’t beat ’em, at least have fun with ’em ;o)

Post # 57
Member
848 posts
Busy bee

loden:  I am so sorry you have to deal with that!! I’ve posted several times about my monster in law and honestly I expect 100% of these answers when we do get pregnant.. everytime we have discussed having kids around her she shuts down and changes the subject.. she’s also 100% told us “no you guys shouldn’t have kids”

I’m dreading it. Don’t let her steal your excitement. Do like I did for wedding planning.. she should no longer be included in anything.  Be excited and don’t let her ruin this for you!! It’s a great time and stress isn’t good for an unborn baby so don’t let her ignorance and negativity change the excitement for you! 

Post # 58
Member
2799 posts
Sugar bee

loden:  Your mil has your husband wrapped around his finger and he doesn’t have the balls to stand up for his family. That’s sad. And to set an expectation that it would be ok for her to butt in parenting in the future as old people do it is just absurd. Doesnt look like Darling Husband would be stepping up for you or his kid or setting boundaries. But you can cut all contact with her. 

Post # 59
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

loden:  if this is why you think hes defensive why don’t you tell him that?  or at least say that you won’t do it unless they physically/emotionally harm your kids.  He might then put his defensive wall down and work in the issue (Still keep the counseling session though).  Someone asked if your Mother-In-Law was foreign but you didn’t answer.  If she is there is a lot more to her response than her being a massive B (although still completely inappropriate).  If not remember as a soon to be mother you will have to show not to take to heart what people say (because someone will always try to put you down especially at school and even friends).  Be confident in yourself laugh at how ridiculous and petty she is and at worst be glad you don’t have to involve her!

DWIL is great but they also can give very bad advice depending on your particular circumstances which is why you should go to an impartial counselor who can deal with the issues you are going through (eg cultural differences).

Post # 60
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

loden:  I think you need to tell your husband that you have no intention of cutting his mom out of the baby’s life AS LONG AS THE STATUS QUO DOES NOT CONTINUE.  And that means that he MUST stand up for you, which means calling his mom out on her passive-aggressive bullshit.  If he can’t do that, then you have no choice but to cut her off completely.

Also, I think you definitely need a new therapist – one that believes in the “each person deals with their own parents” philosophy.

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