(Closed) Grab your popcorn: We told my MIL I'm pregnant

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 62
Member
12076 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

loden:  I don’t know that you can blame the therapist, though it’s certainly possible she wasn’t a great fit. People still have to be motivated and willing to put into practice the advice that they receive. I also don’t think that expecting H to stand up to his mother in support of you means that you can’t also respond to something that was said right to your face. The two are not mutually exclusive. 

For example, “MIL, your comment was not only untrue, it was very upsetting and hurtful to me.  I can’t imagine why you would dream of saying something like that.”  Then leave and let H deal with her. 

Since he refuses to recognize that there is any problem, some additional counseling sessions could help, but only if he is willing to put the effort in.

Post # 63
Member
2969 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

loden:  She seems lovely. You should totally move her in! Seriously though, i would just avoid her. If your husband doesn’t understand why you’re annoyed then he really is living on another planet. The only good thing in this situation is the fact that she is 6 hours away. Now that you told her you can live in peace and quiet without her negativity while she “gets used to” the news. lol

Post # 64
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’m sorry.  I have kind of a similar relationship with my Mother-In-Law (only not to the point of counceling yet).  She says stuff like that all the time- honestly I think she is jealous and intimidated.  She never went to college, and I have a PhD, I am much more cultured than her and she probably thinks that her son moved away because of me- I may have influenced the where but he wanted to move away from his super rural hometown before he even knew me, and together my husband and I are more successful and have a higher valued home than them.  You think she would want more for her son than she had (they do well- but I thought that is supposed to be the dream of all parents), but maybe she is jealous.  I don’t think she means it to be pointed at me… but that doesn’t change the way it feels.  My husband doesn’t really see it either- I just he is blinded by the fact that it is his parents who raised him- I would be defensive of my parents too.  Just appreciated the fact that even though she is hard to be around she raised a son who you love.  Try to brush it off and just be excited about your soon to be first born!  Sorry about that though- it doesn’t change the fact that it sucks!

Post # 65
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: South Lodge. 2nd of Dec 2017

loden:  my consultant told me after dropping three stone because of morning sickness, sign of a good strong pregnancy, your body is giving the baby everything, not a lot left for you mum.  Great man.

Post # 66
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

loden:  that’s horrible I’m so sorry 🙁 I was hoping for a difference in culture that might explain some of it but it seems you just have one very nasty Mother-In-Law.  I hope counseling will help your husband realize that your Mother-In-Law actions are not appropriate and provide you with more support in the future.  Also cut that disgusting woman out of ANY information train regarding your pregnancy!  She deserves nothing!

Post # 67
Member
889 posts
Busy bee

loden:  I think your husband will realise what she is doing once the baby comes because by the sounds of it she is likely to end up bossing him around as well and I think he will prbably get the sh*ts with her once this starts to happen. The main thing is you know what youre dealing with so you can start putting up boundaries regarding the baby now. Yes it is frustrating if he can’t see what is going on but I really think things will change once the baby is here, because I doubt he will want anyone telling himm that his parenting is wrong.

This crazy woman is bound to make more evil comments so if I were you I would try a different approach from now on, and reflect them back on to her. For example with the morning sickness bs she said you could ask her “Where did you hear such a silly thing??” and if she says a Dr told her or some crap I would say, “do you think that is accurate though, I mean wouldnt almost every woman end up misarrying? Did you not have any morning sickness?” and try to say it really calmly and almost curiously as though you are trying to really understand her.

Or with money comment I would ask her “What do you mean by dont get used to it? Do you think our financial situation might be changing in the future? Actually while I’ve got you Im curious how things where back in the day when you were starting a family, did you have access to your husbands money, Im really curious”

I think if you do that enough she might lay off a bit because she will be needing to be explaining herself and because you are doing it calmly she can’t accuse you of overreacting or getting offended even though that’s probably what she wants.

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