(Closed) Grad school Bees! How often do you feel like you're drowning?

posted 6 years ago in College
Post # 2
Member
256 posts
Helper bee

Girl, yes. I’m finishing up my degree and I can tell you, the entire first year I felt like I was on the verge of dropping out and selling fruit on the interstate. I work, take extra courses, have clinic/externship placements, and I take everything very seriously. 

It does get better over time, though. It helps to even take a few minutes for yourself every day (even if you have to schedule it in). You’ll be okay, and it will be worth it in the end. 

Post # 3
Member
1754 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I understand where you’re coming from. I’m in a humanities masters program, and essentially everyone enrolled but me is doing this in preparation for a PhD program – whereas I’m doing it because I wanted to, and will return to high school teaching after graduation (not considered “academia” by peers).

My classmates also talk a lot about drinking (I swear some of them go out and drink on a daily basis), and I’m kind of out of that loop – plus, I’m the only one in my cohort who doesn’t live downtown within easy walking distance of campus. I live out in the suburbs with Fiance – and once I’m home, I’m home – not returning to the city for drinks or whatever, or even working in the library, so I miss out on some of those things.

If I did every single thing for every single class or meeting, I would 100% be drowning and probably quit for my own sanity. I know it’s frowned upon by some people, but I try to limit myself to the work and research and reading I can reasonably accomplish while still living my non-academic life. I try to tackle the things most relevant to my career goals and interests first – and if that means I don’t get to the 50 page article on how to prepare for a PhD interview (because it’s not relevant to me), eh. I can’t let myself feel inadequate because of it. 

Hang in there!

Post # 7
Member
1754 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

View original reply
SeaOfLove:  “They make me feel like I’m 30, but I came in as the youngest in the department.”

We live the same life! I’m the youngest in my cohort. I’m almost 23, so some of them are just a little older, but some are 26 and 27 if not older… but I’m the lame one because I don’t want to go to pint night every Wednesday because I have really busy Thursdays!

Also, this is my first year of two and I’ve already dropped off from the organizations I wanted to be a part of. We have a graduate association that I was super pumped for, and I don’t go to meetings anymore – they’re always in the evenings and I can’t sit around on campus all day waiting for them (especially since I work a lot better at home). The other organization I briefly joined has their meetings Thursday nights in the back room at a bar… and I teach early Friday morning. No thanks. It sucks being invited to less stuff, but it also sucks trying to explain why you can’t come to stuff and knowing that they don’t get it and think you’re just making excuses. 

Post # 8
Member
5517 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France

I was in a similar position a few years ago.. I was in a PhD program (biochem).. engaged.. planning a wedding.. I have a daughter. And…something broke in me.. or was fixed. Im not quite sure. I quit the program when I decided that its not what I wanted to be doing anymore.. ended my relationship with my Fiance and started traveling the world. Took up photography. Started spending time with my kid and my friends and actually living a life. ( I had a high paying job throughout grad school so money wasnt an issue.. and they were actually paying me to go to school) .. But it wasnt where I wanted to be.. so I felt like I was drowning ALL THE TIME. But mostly it was because I knew in my heart it wasnt where I wanted to be. However, I can relate to going into the lab and wanting to kill everyone else in there lol 

Post # 9
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

If it makes you feel any better, regarding your unconventional grad school life and the not fitting in,….I have a good friend who is an attorney. When she was in law school, I met her because we both hung out with the local music scene. Her steady SO was in the coolest local band – he and his friends still were into the getting drunk phase. She was nothing like her law school classmates but she was also not a big drinker or partier either. I always marveled that she was a law student because she was so into music, had a social life, and wore vintage and doc martins. Talk about unconventional. Today she is a music entertainment attorney, and a part time ballet teacher/choreographer who managed on to hang on to her identity while succeeding in professional school.

From your posts, you seem hip, into your studies and family oriented. Just keep being you and keep studying while your colleagues are out getting drunk. I hear grad school is difficult but this stress will too pass! 

Post # 10
Member
333 posts
Helper bee

Dental school is like getting kicked in the ass day after day after day after day.

It’ll be worth it in the end.

Post # 12
Member
5517 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France

View original reply
SeaOfLove:  oh god.. you are definately taking me back to a time in my life I hoped to never revisit lol. Thinking about it gives me this tighness right in the center of my chest. I guess the question I want to ask you is the same thing I was forced to ask myself over and over.. Are you happy? Is this making you more happy? Do you think you will be happy?

Post # 14
Member
5517 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France

well you def sound excited about your work! thats a great thing! when you are feeling low..just remind yourself its temporary ๐Ÿ™‚ i wish you lots of success

Post # 15
Member
5517 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France

AND HAPPINESS! — thats most important

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