Post # 1
:/ I’m frustrated, bees.
I know a lot of you have read about my fertility issues and the fact that we are NTNT right now and will be “fully” TTC in March. If not, well that’s what the plan is. It’s a little sooner than we had planned age-wise but it makes the most sense for our new situation…I think.
I’m looking into Grad School programs right now. The one I’m most interested in is a 3-year program (2 years for M.Ed. and 1 year for Ed.S.) It can take up to 4 years to complete, but no more than 4 or they can remove you from the program.
So we’re thinking, okay, you can be in Grad School when we have baby number 1. In theory, that doesn’t sound terrible. But then I’m thinking…Oh gosh. Is that even smart? Should I just wait? Can we afford that? What does that mean for my schedule? Ahhhh! Frustration!
So, any bees have a baby while in Grad School? Anyone also planning on TTC while in Grad School? Anyone think I’m insane? Other?
Post # 3
Nothing? Anything would be appreciated! Even a “Stop over-thinking your life” comment. Lol
Post # 4
I personally did not have a baby in grad school but I am finishing up my M.S and EdS program in April and there are two girls that have young children. One just gave birth last January. It has been tough on them but they both have good support systems and babysitters for when they are in class/internship. It may take you a little bit longer to finish the program with a child but I definitely do not think it is unreasonable! If it is something that you want then I say go for it. Plenty of moms have gone to school and been sucessful while raising children 🙂 Good luck to you in whatever decisions you make 🙂
Post # 5
@AmeliaBedelia: Not a ma my self, but there are TONS of law school classmates and friends that have had babies in school (not guy friends with their outside-of-school wives, but female classmates). One is having her 5th child and her husband is also a student at the U! It can be done, and IMO, while it’s stressful, you’ll theoretically have more down time to spend with the kiddo than if you were working a set hour job. You also usually have more flexibility in your schedule.
I’d say roll with it if you guys are considering seriously TTC. It may be stressful, but I can’t really imagine having a baby and not being stressed a little 🙂
Post # 6
I know it can be done. It will be very stressful and while I don’t personally know how it feels to go through something like that I’ve heard of people being able to do it. If it’s something you feel you need/want to do it can be done! You are not over thinking your life, sweetheart, you are being smart and taking everything into consideration before bringing another life into this world.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)
You know, it will be tough, but it can be done, and it can actually be really beneficial! DH’s uncle had his first child when he was in the midst of an incredibly grueling graduate program (coursework, teaching, taking on clients, etc.). Even though his life was crazy, he said having a baby then brought balance to his life. He couldn’t be totally consumed by his program because he had this little life that demanded attention, and he learned the importance of stepping away from his all-consuming work and enjoying all the other things that life has to offer. So I think that having a baby in grad school will be challenging and difficult, but it can also be an incredibly positive experience if you let it.
And if you decide to take this step now, know that I’m sending lots of baby juju your way. 🙂
Post # 8
I know a girl who had a baby in Medical School and is currently juggling clinicals and a baby. She’s doing a great job and I’m sure you’ll do a great job if you have a baby in graduate school.
Post # 9
@theredhead: I wouldn’t mind if it took me the extra year, I think I may actually prefer that – less of a courseload over the 4 years. I’m not at all concerned with that aspect, as I think I *may* (and don’t hold me to this! haha) also get my Doctorate following this, as it’s pretty beneficial in the field I’m looking into. So an extra year of school may be fairly inconsequential. 🙂 You are so very right that people do this all the time successfully – my own mother being one of them! I guess I forget that sometimes. She was working on her Masters when I was born, her Specialist when my first brother was born, and finally finished her Doctorate when my youngest brother was around 8? So it took her a bit longer than some, but she did it. 🙂
@indibee: 5th? Well if she can do it, lol. That is true, there would/should be more down-time and hopefully a decent class schedule. I’m not positive about that aspect, but it would be nice if it were mostly night classes…haha, a girl can dream right? And very true. The baby/TTC part is starting to stress me out a bit in general, I’m sure that’s contributing. 🙂
@SleepingWithNuns: It does feel right in that I don’t regret our decision to TTC and the program feels right (assuming I can get in, of course!) I think just combining the two makes me stop and think much more. I’m an over-analyzer/thinker in general, so poor Fiance is like, “Do what makes you happy.” Oh lord. Lol.
@parasol: That is an interesting way to look at it! At least I would come home to a bundle of love when I got home every day. Having my puppies automatically de-stressed me in Undergrad I imagine it would be even more true with my doggies PLUS a baby. 🙂 haha. Makes me think of the phrase, “It is what you make it.” And btw, thank you! I really hope that choosing to TTC a bit younger will significantly reduce any issues I have (I have PCOS, Endo, and another weird fertility issue) but my Doc said before 24 was “ideal.” So, here we are. Lol.
Post # 10
@misskoala: 🙂 Thank you. I do know that we can do it, I just am left wondering, “At what cost?” I think one of my biggest fears is that I’ll feel like I’m missing out on my baby or not have enough “us time” in our marriage. And then again, I know Fiance knew what he was signing up for. Plus he listens to me talk this into the ground often, poor guy.
Post # 11
There are 7 girls who had babies last year at my law school…one gave birth to TWINS right after her finals. About 10% of the class has kids. It totally can be done.
Post # 12
@Rubies: I would look like this –> If I had twins. Lol. You’re right, it can be done and IS done quite often.
I feel much calmer now, bees. 🙂 Thank you all!
Post # 13
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
A few fellow older grad students have kids in my program. It seems really tough for them. I don’t think I could do it – but I’m basing it on our income situation. We don’t make enough with my grad school pay being sooo low, and my fiancee’s pay being lower-ish, too.
If you think you could do it financially with a graduate stipend (if you get one?) then go for it. You’ll make it work, life-balance-wise.
Post # 14
Like others have said, it can be done. I’m in an M.Ed. and teaching credential program and one of my classmates has four young daughters. For me (and mind you, I am NOT ready to have kids!) I can’t imagine having kids and going through this program. I barely have time for myself! My down time had dwindled to almost nothing. That said, I’m sure there are ways you could prioritize your time (see, I apparently have time to be on Weddingbee right now) to make it work. Just think about yourself and if you would want to do this. Is there a way to wait until after you’re done with school?
Post # 15
My husband is in grad school with our first. It wasn’t planned, it just happened because he was out of work for so long. He enjoys it so far because he can be home with her for half the day and then goes to school. Money is tight, but I’m breastfeeding, we bought used cloth diapers, use cloth wipes, and will make our own baby food. It can be done.
Post # 16
@Ms.GoodEarth: Not really. My fertility issues basically mean, “the younger the better.” My Doctor literally said to me, “If you wait until after 24, then you’re asking for it to take you well over a year.” At this rate, I will be 26/27 when I graduate from both programs – they are a combo M.Ed./Ed.S. which takes 3 years. Starting at 23 = finishing at 26 or 27. For us, that just seems really irresponsible knowing what we do know. (I can further explain my fertility issues if you want, that’s just the basics.) That’s why this decision is difficult for me – I don’t really want to sacrifice either thing. I can’t imagine waiting 4 years to start trying when we KNOW it’s going to be a bit more complicated for us. But I also can’t imagine waiting and not getting my degrees until I’m 30-ish when I got my BA at 20. Complicated. Lol
What are you getting your degree in, if you don’t mind me asking?
@eagle: The financial decision really depends. FI’s working in his career (he is 2 years older than I am) and makes “ok” money. He is in line for a pretty much guaranteed promotion in the next 3-4 months. He is our sole provider at this point anyway, as I don’t make much with my Undergrad. Psychology as a Bachelors isn’t exactly the most useful/marketable. So we’ll stay fairly similar, if I can keep my current job. And if I can’t, I can apply for GRA positions and look into other funding. Getting another degree is essential to me being able to do what I want to do and to make decent money, ya know? Like I said, Psychology Undergrad? Not very useful. But the degrees I’m looking at are MUCH more in line with how I see my career progressing.
@TheFutureMcBride: We’re definitely going to be tight money-wise, but I don’t think it is anything we can’t do. Having a baby means our spending will change anyways, so for me it isn’t the main issue. I love that you pointed out him getting to stay at home basically half the day – that is what I really would love. Now that I’m thinking it through further, I could already have a baby when I begin the program and not have to do the “pregnant in school” thing and rather just “mother in school.” Which to me sounds a little better, as far as being able to structure my time. Part of my hesitance came from thinking of having pregnancy complications during school, which scares me.