(Closed) Grad School, Work, & Wedding Planning

posted 5 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My two cents is that life is never going to get easier or settle down—there will always be something! Even though it seems like dealing with grad school as a newlywed is not ideal, I don’t think it’s any better or worse than other things you will have going on.  I am slowly learning there is no ideal time in your life for anything—you just have to decide to make it work. That said, I thin it’s totally valid to want to finish school before you are married (we did a very long engaement so that I could finish grad school before the wedding–this was more a product of me being able to move though, rather than wanting to be done with school).  If you are going to have to really put your nose to the grindstone to crank out school before the wedding, you may be setting yourself up for a lot of stress come April, when you are one month out from the wedding and one month out from exams.  That sounds brutal.  I don’t think there is any rush to finish grad school before you get married, unless you have other financial pressures to finish more quickly.  I assume the date is set in stone now and you couldn’t give yourself a month buffer b/t graduation in May and a wedding? 

Post # 4
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I can only share my personal experience, but I am a grad student as well and we are waiting to have the wedding until I am totally finished. I will finish my classroom education in May 2014, finish my clinical residency in December 2014, and take my board exams and [officially] graduate in spring 2015. So we are waiting til then! It just works best for us. I would love to be married sooner, but I’m also totally content with our relationship as it is – and a longer engagement means more time to plan and more opportunity to get our pick of the best vendors! Anyway, hope that helps, I can definitely relate to your dilemma!

Post # 5
Member
13081 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I took my time and went part time for my MA, full time for my job, and planned a wedding. I paid a fortune for my degree, so I wasn’t going to shortchange it and just rush through to get it done.  I took my time, actually learned things, and enjoyed my coursework instead of struggling to get it done while working and planning a wedding…  

Post # 6
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I am going to be in grad school as a newlywed and am actually looking forward to it! I will also be working full time but I have always enjoyed school and grad school is so different from undergrad. Take your time, don’t stress out about it and it really won’t be bad being married and in grad school. 

Post # 7
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My fiance and I are both in grad school as well for our Ph.D’s (its where we met!) He also has 2 jobs, and I have 1, and in addition we both do ‘practicums’ (which is basically us offering free labor in exchange for hours of experience) each 3 days a week…leaving us with only a day off each week.

We are currently in our 4th out of 5th year, so we have a ton on our plates like our dissertations and applying and interviewing for internships (kind like med school residency). Unfortunately, it is not guranteed that we will end up in same place, so its a big possibility we may get married and the month after, move apart for 1-3 years (depending on post-docs…arg!). I told him I didn’t want to wait till we had our Ph.D’s to get married because that would mean planning a wedding across the country during an even busier year, but doing it sooner was also out of the question. We decided to compromise and do it May, 2014…right before we move across the country (either together or seperately) in June.

Basically, I feel you!!! It’s hard to explain how difficult things can be planning a wedding, dissertation, seeing patients, jobs and the million other things we do as grad students. What helped me was not allowing myself to do wedding things until I accomplished something I needed to do school related. For example, I reallllly wanted to look and go try on dresses, but Fiance suggested that it would be a reward for doing a first draft of my dissertation lit review. I started that lit review right away…I knew the faster I had it done, the faster I could try dresses.

It also helped to just set aside a few weeks to figure out our venue, photographer, dj,dress (The big things) to get them out of the way. We basically have the entire wedding planned minus the florals and some other things, which has been a HUGE weight off my shoulders and will allow me to focus on school. I’m no longer constantly trying to plan it and distracting myself from school work. Perhaps something like that may help you as well? Of course, its difficult to not to want to check various sites…but I let that be my reward for the work I did throught the day.

Post # 8
Member
930 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

For the past 2 years I’ve been a full time grad student and worked full time.  (Along with maintaining a LDR and wedding planning since December)  It has been very exhausting, but I’m very glad that I powered through it.  I’m very happy that I’ll be finishing up my classes before getting married, but trust me, there have been nights where I asked myself “Why do I do this to myself? I should be sleeping instead!”  

I think it is a personal descision that only you can make.  Both have positives and negatives, but make sure you take care of yourself.  (I neglected myself for a while there)

Post # 9
Member
972 posts
Busy bee

I don’t have any good advice but wanted to say I know how you feel! I work full time, and am also planning my wedding April 2014, close to yours! I also am in MBA school part time, and just purchased a house so there is a lot of hw, housework, yardwork, and repairs. And we just got a puppy too, a big rottweiler baby who eats up a ton of money and time!

I’d take it slow so you enjoy the ride as much as you can. But I know its so tempting to do it and get it done asap!

Post # 10
Member
2050 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m and currently going full time to school for my BS, working 50+ hour weeks, and planning my wedding (which is in about two weeks now).  I was planning my wedding for a year, and doing those things also.  Its doable…but SOOOO stressful but once everything is finished, I know I’ll be so relieved and happy.  🙂  I have about 4 different planners, one for the wedding, one for school, one for work, and one for my social life.  LOL

Post # 12
Member
1070 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@sheri531:  I am working full time and going to school to get my MA in spanish full time.  My Fiance is working part time and going to school full time to get his MA in political science. We also both coach high school kids on the weekends.  We dont see each other as much as we would like to even though we live together, but we make it work.  Its hard but definitely doable

Post # 14
Member
3283 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I will have 5.5 more years of grad school when we get married!! (Eeek! Lol.) That was what worked for us, though, and I know I won’t mind being in grad school and being married. I might still be in grad school when we start TTC!

 

That said, you know your program at this point–would you mind doing it while you’re married? It’s definitely a personal decision, and I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to do it!

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