(Closed) Graduation vs. Wedding

posted 11 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

i cant believe anyone would expect a college graduate and their parents to miss out on THEIR once in a lifetime event…even if the ceremony itself is uneventful, its what it stands for that matters.  .

Post # 18
Member
2006 posts
Buzzing bee

The UC system in California graduates in late June (except Berkley I think). I understand this is an unusal situation, because most other schools graduate in May so it is not something you would have thought about.

However, as someone who will be graduating college soon I would not miss the actual ceremony in a million years. I have worked so hard for my degree and I want to ahve my special day. Yes, I plan to go to grad school and will have another graduation and that will be important too. But there is something that seems really special about going to your first college graduation. And I would be very, very upset if my immediate family chose a wedding over my graduation.

I know you are upset, but please realize that this will be a special day for the both of you. If you were in their shoes you might choose the wedding over your graduation, but everyone has different priorities. You can’t place your wedding above someone elses graduation because they are both very special and important days.

Post # 19
Member
2716 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I feel that you shouldn’t have to move your date, but I really don’t blame them for not going. I’m graduating college (undergrad) in May & my brother’s graduating high school in June-and if someone scheduled a wedding on that day, I wouldn’t go to the wedding-and you can bet no one in the immediate family’s going too. I agree with what babyboo said.

I feel that it does depend on how close the family is-if they’re closer they may care more about a graduation. Graduation is just as big a step as a wedding. They’re just different. 

Post # 20
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t really think you have any right to be mad at them. Its a bit presumptous to think that your cousins should think your wedding is a bigger deal than their graduation. They worked hard towards earning a degree and deserve to celebrate that accomplishment. Graduations also tend to happen on the exact same day every year or are know WAY in advance, so its really not their fault you didn’t consider this possibility.

 

Post # 21
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t miss my college graduation for a cousin’s wedding. A sister or a best friend? Definitely. But I’d have to be VERY close or somehow involved in the wedding to be willing to miss my graduation for it.

I agree that weddings are very important, but a graduation is something they’ve worked towards for so long! I think it’s a huge deal.

Post # 23
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I understand why this is frustrating for you, but I think that the family members who are attending the graduations are right in doing so. My parents were in attendance at my undergraduate graduation and I would have been upset if they had skipped it for a cousin’s wedding! 

Graduations are part of the deal when planning a May wedding in my opinion. A good friend got married last May and her wedding attendance was smaller than she had initially thought because of graduations happening the same weekend.

Post # 24
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I dont know why they dont go to the graduation and then come to the wedding after?

Post # 26
Member
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I actually graduated around that time in June and for my family it was a big deal because I was the first one to graduate from a college.

I can see why your mad but I don’t think you can be mad at the people who chose a graduation over your wedding.  If I was in your situation, I would be more mad at myself that I didn’t think about that. 

 

Is there anyway, to move your wedding to later in the day?  So that they could come to your weddign afterwards.  I know my ceremony was in the morning and I was pretty much free in the afternoon.

Post # 27
Bee
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Family Lake House

I planned my wedding for late in June because my fiance is a professor, and I know most UCs hold graduations in mid-June (mine was June 17), and we wanted all family and cousins to be able to come. My graduation from UCSC was a big deal, with a caterer and my huge family all in attendance. If one of my cousins had planned a wedding on that day, I’d be pretty upset. Cuz it’s really incumbent upon the person setting their wedding date to make sure none of their close relatives are graduating from college on that date! It’s a big deal to a lot of people, I think. If one of my cousins was graduating, and another getting married, and I was equally close to them, I would probably go to the graduation. Plus, graduation is something that person cannot move on the calendar. I feel like, in my family, if a family member really wanted all family to be able to attend their wedding, they would send out a quick e-mail prior to setting the date, in order to get a feel for who would be able to go and when.

Post # 28
Member
2006 posts
Buzzing bee

Not to upset you any more, but I have one more thing to add:

If you are close enough to your cousins to be upset that they and their family won’t be at your wedding, I assume you would be close enough to have remembered they would be graduating soon and sent them a note asking when their graduation was before you picked your date. 

I know you can’t plan your wedding around everyones availibility, but I assume as you are so upset they won’t be coming, you would have thought about their availability in advance.

Post # 29
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

We pushed our wedding back a week when we found out it fell the day of my baby sister’s college graduation.  Granted, we’re still more than a year away so it wasn’t a big deal.  Graduations are pretty important in my family, and although I know they would have come to my wedding instead- I certainly didn’t want them to have to make that decision.  Plus I wanted to be there to support her!!  Sorry you’re dealing with this, i’m sure it will all work out.  Good luck!

Post # 30
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I can definitely see why you are mad and I understand that to you and your immediate family, graduations are no big deal. But maybe to you’re cousins, it is. I didn’t go to a single one of my cousin’s graduations or even my Best Friends’/MOH because I too find them to be agonizing. But I never got to walk for my HS graduation and so to walk at my college graduation means nearly as much to me as my wedding. When I have invested that much time and money into getting that piece of paper, I want everyone to see me receive it come hell or high water.

I really wish there was an easy solution to your conundrum, like what simpleandchic suggested. But there doesn’t seem to be one…

Do you know what time their ceremonies are? If they are morning ceremonies could they catch flights and make the evening festivities of your wedding if you really want them to be there. Yes it could be an inconvenience to you and your local family, but if you really want them there, then you need to be accomadating.

And I am in your shoes…

One of our groomsmen has his graduation ceremony the morning after our wedding. Not a big deal except for our wedding being 500 miles away from his school. We told him there was no way we could force him to be in or come to our wedding b/c walking in his graduation was WAY more important. After some deliberation we found a perfect (though slightly inconvenient) solution. He’s driving down with another groomsman a couple days before, doing the wedding and reception with us and then we (yes the FH and myself) are driving him to the airport after the reception to catch a redeye flight to Dallas.

Ideal? No. Memorable? Hell yeah!

So I hope you can work something like that out and I hope everyone involved can be understanding and keep there cool. Good luck, hun! and hugs! to you for having to deal w/ this.

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