(Closed) Grandma hasn’t decided if she will be at the wedding next year (long vent)

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

God that’s awful! The thing to remember is that you have done nothing wrong and this is her and not you. I think you have done the right thing by focusing on you and your special day.

I think she is being very prejudiced just because you lived together first – just because you do things differently I doesn’t mean it is wrong or any less the right thing for you so please remember that!

My Grandparents are very old school and frown upon everything I do but we have never got on so I just ignore them! However if it had been my other grandma I would have been devistated so I do understand how it must feel.

Just keep smiling and try not to let this taint your day. I hope that your grandfather and the rest of the family will make her see sense before the wedding anyway!

Sending you virtual hugs!


Post # 4
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My grandpa (my only living grandparent) wasn’t at my wedding.  No one knew why because my dad couldn’t get in touch with him.  It turned out that he and his girlfriend decided to go on a weekend trip 6 hours away that weekend.  He called my dad later that week and asked if he missed the wedding.  I don’t blame him because he’s in his 90s and getting very forgetful.  I do blame his girlfriend who knew what weekend it was and went out of town on purpose.  Moral of the story:  I didn’t notice on the day of the wedding.  I had an amazing time with my friends, family and husband and that’s all I thought about.  I didn’t get upset until after. 

Just trust that no matter what happens, everything will be fine.

Post # 5
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wow–Beth2010 I could have written that post for you about my family!! My only living grandparent (my father’s mother) has never really been a part of my adult life, she was around when I was younger, but moved across the country several years ago, and my dad’s side of the family is HORRIBLE at keeping in touch with each other! She has in the last 3 years, moved back into the state to take care of my great-grandparents, who are in their upper 90s. They are not doing well–so I don’t expect that they would travel to my wedding. When we announced our engagement, my grandmother (who had never met my fiance) started drilling him with questions–it was horrible! My philosphy is this, and I’m sure someone will jump all over me, but to each their own…I want my wedding day to be drama free…I want to be surrounded by the people that have loved and cared for my fiance and I, and I only want people to be there that actually want to be there. It’s not about the money or the gifts that either party is shelling out that day–it’s a day about two families coming together as one. And if a guest can’t put aside their differences of opinion for one day, and come to celebrate the journey that is about to take place before their eyes–then I’d rather them not be there. Life is too short to take to heart what others have already tossed aside.

Post # 7
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It sounds like your grandma is being really emotionally manipulative, and it isn’t fair to you that she is treating you that way.

I don’t think it sounds like you have done anything wrong, and I think your grandma is being kind of bratty to keep harping on things the way she is. Does she treat others (your dad, cousins, etc.) this way as well?

Have you considered standing up to her a little? Telling her, “Gran, I appreciate all that you’ve done for me, and I have tried to show you that over the years, but you have chosen not to see it. Fiance and I are so happy together, and we love you, but we are going to have our wedding where we choose to have our wedding, and while you are invited, and we hope you can make it, this wedding is not about you – it is about us, our love, and our marriage.” or something like that?

Post # 8
1390 posts
Bumble bee

Unfortunately you can’t pick your relatives and it appears that your paternal grandmother is a giant bitch. If she’s going to threaten missing the wedding, let her. It’s your day not hers. It’s your life, not hers. Just like it doesn’t matter if she approves of you living with your Boyfriend or Best Friend, it doesn’t matter if she approves of your wedding, you’re going to do it anyway. Sometimes there are people we’re obligated to see and be kind to in our lives and sometimes, that’s just not worth it. If someone does not treat me with respect, I feel no obligation to them. She obviously wants you to beg and weep and give her all sorts of attention so that she’s at your wedding. Don’t do it. It’s not worth it. Let your dad talk to her. Invite her, invite her to any showers, etc. If she doesn’t come, well that’s one less negative person at your wedding and given her previous behavior, it may be a blessing if she stays home. Certainly it would be better if she skipped it than if she came and bitched out your other grandma or your mom or you, etc.

Old women can be extremely catty and the only way to deal with them is to ignore them. I promise.

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