(Closed) Grandma is making a scene..again long rant

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@FutureMrsClayshulte:  I’m going to assume that what makes her happy about being in the hospital is that she’s the center of attention and people come to visit her!

 

That may sound mean… but it seems too obvious.

 

I wouldn’t worry about her making a scene at your wedding.  Sounds like her family knows how to handle her and usually her protestations end up in her NOT wanting to go somewhere… so she wouldn’t be at your wedding to make a scene.

 

Honestly I hardly spent any time with my grandparents at our wedding.  There is just too many people to visit with.

Post # 4
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Awww I have a crazy grandma too. She tries to be the centre of attention though and it just causes fall outs in the family, no one generally pandas to her.

I dont know what else to say except it sucks 🙁

Post # 5
Member
3300 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

this sounds just like my grandmother. Incidentally, I did not invite her. People can judge, but nobody knows your family better than you. I’m certain that she would ruin at least part of the day, so we’ll go over to house and show photos and videos after the fact. She’ll be ok.

Post # 6
Member
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@Overjoyed:  +1!  I didn’t invite my great-grandmother, I hate that racist old hag….

Post # 8
Member
1328 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

My grandma must be living a double life, because you just described her to a tee. 

 

Luckily most of our family is on to her, and learned to ignore her drama.  If she pulls any of the “oh I can’t possibly go woe is me” we just tell her that we are driving her there and that’s that.  With people like that you really just have to be firm and almost force them. 

 

If I were you I would call her (or have Fiance call) and say “Grandma it is very important to me that you attend my wedding.  You mean a lot to me and it would make me very sad if you are not there.  Aunt Betty would like to drive you there and she will pick you up 2pm.”  Rinse and repeat until she gives in and stops the silly stuff.

ETA:  Also, at the wedding sit her at a table with family members that you can trust to deal with her.  His family has been dealing with her for years so I’m sure there are a few of them who can keep her in check for half a day.

Post # 9
Member
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@FutureMrsClayshulte:  Unless her age and/or medications or medical conditions are impacting her behavior, she sounds horribly selfish and manipulative. I cannot imagine the stress of trying to plan any kind of family event just knowing g-ma is going to decide at the last minute she wants to stay home and everyone else should stay too.

If she’s in good health then I think her family needs to start leaving her ass at home.  Its a planned event.  If she wants to be flaky and back out at the last minute, fine.  But to insist everyone else back out too?  Insane. 

As for the attention seeking calls to the EMT’s – what a shame.  Her need for attention could cost a real patient their lives when resources are being wasted on her.

Post # 10
Member
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Kit_Kath:  Or, when she says she can’t/won’t come then respond, “Oh, we’re sorry to hear that.  We’ll miss you!”

Stop begging and pleading with her to come and giving her so much power over everyone.  If she realizes no one is taking the bait, getting upset and are more than willing to proceed without her, maybe she” stop being a PITA. 

Post # 12
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

You have her pegged to a tee.  The only reason she is as bad as she is because it works!  She starts pulling her crap and the family caves.  There is a pattern here folks.

It would be great if one of her kids could look her in the eye and say “Mom, it is time for you to start acting like the Matriarch of this family and caring about the wedding and the new baby.  Don’t you want to be the one who people say sets the good example in our family?”  but that ship has sailed.

I hope you and Fiance can keep after the family to start using “Mom, I’m sorry you don’t feel like going.  You will be missed.”  Your Fiance and Future Sister-In-Law are paying the price now because everyone has caved in all these years.  I am so sorry for that.

I hope you, Fiance, and Future Sister-In-Law can remember that you can’t control how SHE reacts to things but you guys CHOOSE how you react to her.  (sounds like you’ve got this one and they need some work still).  You need to choose not to let her actions affect your wedding.  Leave her behind and she might knock some of this off.

Post # 14
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

I’ll bet if you tell her she had a special little job at the wedding that would put all eyes on her she would have a miraculous recover.  What does your Fiance think of calling her and having that discussion with her?

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