Grandma making baby needy?

posted 4 months ago in Babies
Post # 16
Member
4792 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@gimmepretty: not all the world is in the same position regarding covid restrictions. OP could be from New Zealand or for example South Australia or Western Australia where border restrictions exist and they have eased social distancing restrictions due to not having new cases diagnosed. You are making an assumption based on your reality but forget that not every person on this site is from the same country…. 🙄

Post # 17
Member
2169 posts
Buzzing bee

I also have a 3mo, so right there with you. They change constantly at this age, literally every day their world is expanding and widening and what works one day to soothe and calm them might not work the next. My mom friends and I joke that we “crack the baby code” only for them to reset it and what worked no longer does.

At 2.5/3m you’re still kind of in the winging it mode, but they’re able to start getting on some semblance of a schedule now. Luckily, they’re still NB enough to sleep through a hurricane, but they do start to have longer wake windows and are more open to stimulation– which can make them cranky. Also, a lot of babies have a witching hour they go through. All of these things are totally normal. Like you said, you can’t spoil them at this age– but you do need to realize that moving forward they’ll be more active, vocal and their patterns will change as they grow. If you haven’t looked into “leaps”, check it out. You likely are in Leap 2 right now, which does include some additional fussiness.

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@gimmepretty:  holy jumping to conclusions, Batman! You have no idea what they’re doing. And plenty of people have to resume work and send their kids to daycare by this age, not every mom gets to or wants to stay at home with a baby all day. Have you had a baby during a pandemic (I have!), let me tell you– it has been quite the experience. Being holed up for months with no help, I’d jump at the opportunity for a 2 week visit from family (or vice versa) where I could get a damn break– even if it was just to sleep, watch crappy TV or go sit at a park for a couple hours to regroup.

Post # 19
Member
521 posts
Busy bee

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@gimmepretty:  This! When my mom has the kids they magically never misbehave, learn new skills immediately, put themselves to bed and nap, and are angelic according to her.

My sister let me know once that those were just some rosy glasses my mom was wearing, because she was so thrilled to see her grandkids.

Post # 20
Member
1937 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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@bluebell83:  how is covid more of a risk to an adult than a 2 month old baby? That doesn’t seem accurate at all. 

Post # 21
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2047 posts
Buzzing bee

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@fromatoz:  

So, in context, you would welcome a two week visit with or from family in a time and circumstance that exposed your baby to covid so you could get a break? I’ve experienced caring for children plus work hours so extreme that it threw me into preterm labor. I know what it’s like to go without breaks night and day. Exhausting doesn’t cover it. And I worked at home, so I experienced not getting out except grocery shopping and dr visits. Yep. I can say, I wouldn’t do the “visiting” during covid. Her visit was clearly a “visit,” not for work. I never said anything about stay at home moms. I said daycare for work justifies sudden long separations which can be upsetting for baby at that age. But not for visits. For my son at that age, I eased him in gradually. For my second and third babies I resumed work at three/four weeks postpartum so they adjusted easily. I had to work. Give OP a covid pass.  Sure. Go ahead.

Post # 23
Member
2169 posts
Buzzing bee

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@gimmepretty:  dunno why you’re so upset over my comment, and I nor OP have to answer to you as to how they’re navigating PP life during a pandemic. Sorry not sorry, no one *owes* you an explanation of why they choose to do what they do right now. Cool story, you had kids and did one thing. Another mom has kids and does another. Some moms had family come over immediately, some held off. Some went back to work. Some are still at home. No one sits around wondering if Gimmepretty on Weddingbee approves of what they’re doing and what is best for their mental health/work balance/marriage/pp recovery

Post # 24
Member
2859 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

He probably just misses you when you’re gone so he’s more needy with you when you’re around. 

Post # 25
Member
2047 posts
Buzzing bee

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@fromatoz:  

I’m so upset? You’re the one who’s upset. This is a public forum where people comment on the posts from all angles. You got in a tiff that I posted my view of the situation. People post all kinds of views here. It’s nothing new. 

Post # 27
Member
1538 posts
Bumble bee

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@gimmepretty:  This post sounds like my mother-in-law telling me how she was up working the day after she had all her kids, fed them all organic baby food, and gained nearly no weight during her pregnancies.  None of which I gave a rat’s ass about, because it has nothing to do with me or my child.

Respectfully, everyone is different, and this comes off really judge-y.  All moms do things according to what’s best for them and what they’re comfortable with – that’s great that you did all these wonderful things, etc. etc….but that was you.  You say that this board is for sharing of perspectives, which is true, but this seems like a step farther than that.  You’re implying that somehow you’re in a superior position to make a judgment call for someone else.  Clearly OP knows what she’s doing as an ER physician and this kind of attacking tone isn’t helpful.

Post # 28
Member
2231 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

While I don’t think that your Mother-In-Law is going to “spoil” your kid, if she is not waking him up to feed him and putting him to sleep according to his normal schedule, he could be overtired, over stimulated or hungry when he comes back to you. And don’t let her act like he is perfect with her. Its definitely rose colored glasses. I was over when my parents were watching my nieces and nephews once and when my brother and SIL came home my mom said how great they were and how they went right to bed for her (bedtime had been a struggle with my brother and SIL) I was like “what kids were these you speak of? Unless right to bed and having them stay up late and come down to ask for something at least a dozen times is the same thing, they definitely did not go right to bed”. My SIL appreciated the candor for sure! My mom tends to think they are angels because they are her grandkids, which all grandmas do, so don’t sweat it! And if she is normally overstepping boundaries, that is something else you really need to address before it gets too bad. 

We are pregnant and have already had boundary conversations with our parents. My parents don’t believe in schedules, so I told her that if we decide to do a schedule (we are going to sleep train as soon as our daughter hits 9lbs) and she doesn’t want to follow it, then thats fine, she won’t get to watch her until we are done with sleep training. It earned a scoff, but its your kid. Don’t let your Mother-In-Law do whatever she wants. 

Post # 29
Member
3553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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@Sunshine024:  sleep training at 9lbs? I’ve never heard of this. Why 9lbs and what type of training? I ask because both my babies were over 9lbs at birth and that is WAY too young to sleep train 

Post # 30
Member
896 posts
Busy bee

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@bluebell83:  Young they really arent capable of being manipulative. They can’t be spoiled and they cant really learn to self-sooth until later. 

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