- 4 months ago
- Wedding: November 1999
I also have a 3mo, so right there with you. They change constantly at this age, literally every day their world is expanding and widening and what works one day to soothe and calm them might not work the next. My mom friends and I joke that we “crack the baby code” only for them to reset it and what worked no longer does.
At 2.5/3m you’re still kind of in the winging it mode, but they’re able to start getting on some semblance of a schedule now. Luckily, they’re still NB enough to sleep through a hurricane, but they do start to have longer wake windows and are more open to stimulation– which can make them cranky. Also, a lot of babies have a witching hour they go through. All of these things are totally normal. Like you said, you can’t spoil them at this age– but you do need to realize that moving forward they’ll be more active, vocal and their patterns will change as they grow. If you haven’t looked into “leaps”, check it out. You likely are in Leap 2 right now, which does include some additional fussiness.
Thanks for the support everyone! I agree that this is probably just coincidental with his age development (leap 2 I think someone mentioned) and my issues with it may be just be projected Bc grandma has boundary issues in general.
I always address them with her directly but I need to pick my battles Bc she is sensitive and discussions with her that she interprets as critical can be counterproductive. And you are all right that it is especially frustrating when it’s your baby!
As for the visit, we are here with her so that she can meet him Bc I didn’t want her traveling with the risks of covid (she’s at greater risk than the baby). As such, we are here for much longer than usual Bc of covid restrictions/precautions. I’m not leaving him with her for entire days, just a few hours at a time so I can get some work done/go for a run/spend time with my husband that I can’t do when it’s just me taking care of him all the time.
I know this happens with grandparents but I guess I just needed to vent/get some advice Bc I find it so frustrating when she’s seemingly making things harder on me than helping.
My sister let me know once that those were just some rosy glasses my mom was wearing, because she was so thrilled to see her grandkids.
So, in context, you would welcome a two week visit with or from family in a time and circumstance that exposed your baby to covid so you could get a break? I’ve experienced caring for children plus work hours so extreme that it threw me into preterm labor. I know what it’s like to go without breaks night and day. Exhausting doesn’t cover it. And I worked at home, so I experienced not getting out except grocery shopping and dr visits. Yep. I can say, I wouldn’t do the “visiting” during covid. Her visit was clearly a “visit,” not for work. I never said anything about stay at home moms. I said daycare for work justifies sudden long separations which can be upsetting for baby at that age. But not for visits. For my son at that age, I eased him in gradually. For my second and third babies I resumed work at three/four weeks postpartum so they adjusted easily. I had to work. Give OP a covid pass. Sure. Go ahead.
Finally, with respect to my own baby, I am an ER doctor so contracted covid with him at the end of my pregnancy (when we still had PPE shortages) so I have antibodies. Preliminary research suggests that IgA (secretory) antibodies found in breastmilk may actually confer greater immunity than the IgG ones they test for in serum. While we def don’t know enough about this virus yet to be certain, this data is promising. But, even without him receiving breastmilk antibodies, older individuals with underlying conditions are at far greater risk of bad outcomes from covid than are babies.
He probably just misses you when you’re gone so he’s more needy with you when you’re around.
For me, as I mentioned, I had covid at the end of pregnancy after contracting it during my work as an ER doctor. I have antibodies which *may* confer some immunity to both me and my breastfed baby. Either way, for grandma’s and my mental health it was best for us to quarantine prior to our visit and drive to visit her (when she had already been quarantined) so that she could meet her first grandson.
I will finish maternity leave in a month and after that will be in the thick of it at the hospital again. Our PPE resources are in good stock now, but that exposure will likely be far greater than now when I’m on maternity and not seeing anyone so if we didn’t go now, baby wouldn’t see grandma for who knows how long.
Covid isn’t going anywhere, vaccines are a ways away and even once we get one, it won’t be 100% effective. There will always be risk. But, every family needs to make an informed decision about what covid risks they are willing to take to avoid other negative complications of quarantine itself. For us, it was this. Of course people need to be wise about the public health consequences as well, but given that we aren’t seeing anyone else during our trip, this isn’t really relevant.
Anyway, this wasn’t really a covid-post but thanks everyone else for their input.
Respectfully, everyone is different, and this comes off really judge-y. All moms do things according to what’s best for them and what they’re comfortable with – that’s great that you did all these wonderful things, etc. etc….but that was you. You say that this board is for sharing of perspectives, which is true, but this seems like a step farther than that. You’re implying that somehow you’re in a superior position to make a judgment call for someone else. Clearly OP knows what she’s doing as an ER physician and this kind of attacking tone isn’t helpful.
While I don’t think that your Mother-In-Law is going to “spoil” your kid, if she is not waking him up to feed him and putting him to sleep according to his normal schedule, he could be overtired, over stimulated or hungry when he comes back to you. And don’t let her act like he is perfect with her. Its definitely rose colored glasses. I was over when my parents were watching my nieces and nephews once and when my brother and SIL came home my mom said how great they were and how they went right to bed for her (bedtime had been a struggle with my brother and SIL) I was like “what kids were these you speak of? Unless right to bed and having them stay up late and come down to ask for something at least a dozen times is the same thing, they definitely did not go right to bed”. My SIL appreciated the candor for sure! My mom tends to think they are angels because they are her grandkids, which all grandmas do, so don’t sweat it! And if she is normally overstepping boundaries, that is something else you really need to address before it gets too bad.
We are pregnant and have already had boundary conversations with our parents. My parents don’t believe in schedules, so I told her that if we decide to do a schedule (we are going to sleep train as soon as our daughter hits 9lbs) and she doesn’t want to follow it, then thats fine, she won’t get to watch her until we are done with sleep training. It earned a scoff, but its your kid. Don’t let your Mother-In-Law do whatever she wants.