Grandma making baby needy?

posted 3 months ago in Babies
Post # 31
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878 posts
Busy bee

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@mrsssb:  Uh. That may not “feel accurate” to you but it is exactly what the research shows. Unless you are an epidemiologist with research training on the question, next time its best to research an actual medical question before going with your uneducated gut response. 

Post # 32
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31 posts
Newbee

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@gimmepretty:  I am currently pregnant and have talked to 3 different women whos Pediatricians have cleared them for minimal visistors. And obviously OP has extensive knowledge herself. We won’t be having guests to get a break, but so our paretns can meet thier first grandchild. I’m sure her visit is more about being with family and growing that bond then just saying, I need a break so lets expose my newborn to COVID? COVID is absolutley not going anywhere any time soon. Not everyone has the option to just lock themselves in thier house with their baby for the forseeable future. 

Post # 33
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2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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@cassandra7:  lots of babies spend vast amounts of time away from their mothers and don’t scream their heads off. I’m kind of over the mom-shaming, tbh.

Post # 35
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404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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@Sunshine024:  I do everything I can to avoid mom-shaming, but what the fuck? 9 lbs is a newborn. What is wrong with you? Sorry if this baby is inconveniencing your life. Do research and do better. You are in the wrong here.

Post # 36
Member
9524 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

the 4th trimester is real.  your child was just inside you for 9 months, of course he wants to be held close.

i held my 2nd baby ALL THE TIME.  my first was in the NICU, we had trouble nursing ( i had a breast reduction with low supply) so lots of people held him.  when my 2nd was born, bfing was easier and she just wanted me and only me, so i held her.  she slept when i was wearing her, so i could run after my toddler, i bedshared/nursed bc i needed sleep to fuction.  let me tell you, she is miss independent at 2.5 and has been for a while. 

my mom used to tell me i held her too much, but i didn’t care. i was doing what i felt was right.

you will NOT spoil a baby by holding them.

Post # 37
Member
9524 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@Sunshine024:  sleep experts recommend sleep training as early as 6 months.

Post # 38
Member
982 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 1984

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@bluebell83:  While I realize that this post is not about COVID and self isolation, as an ICU nurse, I appreciate your informative and supportive post about visiting. 

As to your baby, as a mother of three, I can tell you that a baby’s personality and needs can change dramatically week to week in the early months. I do not think that such a young baby is ready to “self soothe” or is being manipulative by crying. They cry ’cause they need something. 

I am also now a grandma. At about the age of one, when my son and DIL started preparing their LO for daycare, they allowed us to babysit for extended periods of time. We follow the parents’ wishes and always ask when we want to try something different but our little granddaughter reacts differently to us – and I think that’s ok. There will be subtle differences in how we do things even if we are all doing the same thing. Our two younger sons still live with us and, when LO comes over for a visit (with or without our DIL and son,) there are a lot of activities packed into one day – bread baking, tricycle rides, hunts in the ravine behind our house, etc. Maybe it’s my grandma rose coloured glasses but, even my son and DIL agree, she seems to eat more and sleep better at our house. 

If your Mother-In-Law is overriding your wishes then, yes, you should defiinitely speak up. This is your child and you have every right to do what you think is best. And your husband should back you up and maybe even be the one who talks to his mom depending on the relationship you have with her. In my case, I always ask DIL and she always expresses her wishes directly to me.

Post # 39
Member
2244 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

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@bluebell83:  Yikes! Yeah, if she is overstepping like that, I can see why you would be annoyed! When we announced our pregnancy my Mother-In-Law said something about “my baby” or “our baby” and I stopped that immediately! That drives me absolutely bonkers! (She did some other boundary stopping items that ended up in a little TO from us, but that’s a whole other post! Covid is definitely helping the boundary issues!) My advice is to definitely say something right away when she accidentally calls herself “mummy” or anything else inappropriate! Those little things need to be addressed immediately. Anything else like “I wish I could carry them for you” or just off the wall bonkers I have found that a “what a weird/horrible thing to say” usually stops them in their tracks. Good luck, boundary stomping MILs are a pain! 

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@RoseandShine:  Thanks for your absolutely rude and useless opinion! My baby is not intruding on my life, and I have done the research. I misspoke when I said we would start at 9lbs. In speaking with our actual doctor (but I’m sure your google PhD is great, too!) he said that if we wanted to sleep train, after the first few weeks, if they have reached 9lbs then we should start to see how much they are eating and when. I don’t need to justify the rest to you but we have a plan, I have friends that have used the same approach and we’re good, but thanks for the mommy shaming! I can always count on strangers on the internet to have better opinions than real doctors! 

Post # 40
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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@Sunshine024: deleting my comment because it was rude. But please , do more research. You’re just wrong here. If your pediatrician supports this, get a new one.

Post # 41
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3581 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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@Sunshine024:  please look into this more. 9lbs is an arbitary weight and has nothing to do with this. Like I said both my kids were over 9lbs at birth and no way should I have done any type of sleep support at that age.

i can understand not waking to feed at night if they are 4 or so weeks AND regained their birth weight.

in terms of sleep support from newborn there isn’t much you can do. Supporting them to sleep flat on their back and helping get their day vs night sorted is fine. 

proper sleep training should not be before 6 months. Before that regressions and mental development will mean that any training won’t stick for long.

routines can be started from day one but expect them to be vague and changable. Responsive feeding and napping is important. 

I don’t want mum shame, but please double check on this 9lb thing. I’ve never heard it before and sounds like it could actually be dangerous. 

Post # 42
Member
1884 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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@personaperson:  uhhhh I asked the question and OP answered it with specifics and as an ER doctor. Pretty sure she nor I need your to help explain it to me again, and I’m allowed to ask any questions I want on these boards. Lol 

Post # 43
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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@Twizbe:  you stated this much better than me. Thank you. I’m having a pretty emotional reaction to this one.

Post # 44
Member
1456 posts
Bumble bee

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@RoseandShine:  I’m only 9 weeks pregnant and honestly some of the discussions I’m seeing on this thread make me nervous that this is what the world of moms is really like….if so, I’ll just stay to myself, thanks.  The tone of this convo is wayyyyy different than my TTC group, which was so supportive and encouraging.

Post # 45
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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@krm1984:  I’m sorry, what she is stated is dangerous. I truly believe she grossly misunderstood the doctor that told her this was ok. There is a difference between establishing routines and sleep training a newborn. I have never done anything I would describe as mom-shaming until today, but this is not ok 
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@Twizbe:  approached it better than I did, I’ll admit, but the thought of a mom doing this to a baby is making me physically ill.

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