Post # 1
A bit of background: My dad has two younger brother’s, K & J. K (wrongfully) sued the rest of the family after my grandfather passed away because he thought his inheritance wasn’t substantial enough. My parents have not spoken to K in 6 years and I don’t want him at the wedding. I sent a save-the-date to my grandma and to J. Grandma is threatening to not come to the wedding if K isn’t invited. K has lied to my grandma and told him that he never sued anyone.
I am very sad because I want my grandma to be there. She has never met my 3 year old son and I was really looking forward to that interaction.
Should I try talking to my grandma, or do you think I should just let my dad handle this?
Post # 3
Oh boy…it is never advisable to try and out someone on a lie they’ve told…it only discredits you and makes things worse…I understand you want your Grandma there, but I don’t negotiate with terrorists, even if they are 92 year old ladies with hair like cotton and an amazing peanut brittle recipe…call her on her bluff, and simply say how sad you are that these family issues have become something that will keep her from attending the wedding, but the guest list is set…I bet she folds and if not, her loss.
Post # 4
Edit: K lied to my grandma and told her that he never sued anyone. So, my grandma was the one lied to by my uncle K.
Post # 5
@minniemluv: It depends, does your dad agree with you? Maybe you, your dad and your grandmother can sit down together and discuss it. For your sake, you need back up support from your family and do make sure you have it on lock before you bring anything up. Be prepared for her to still insist your uncle be invited..afterall, she’s his mother. I am in a “uncle behaving badly” situation myself and was surprised that my grandmother kind of chooses to turn a blind eye to things because she just can’t bring herself to be angry at her own son, no matter how crappy he treats her or the family. If she’s really unwilling to budge then just invite him because it’d be worse to not have her there than to have him there. He’ll probably be sorry he came since no one will want to have much to do with him. I think your uncle’s offense is about the most trifling thing I’ve ever heard though..sorry ’bout the drama 🙁
Post # 6
well if he sued and there are court documents, then you (or your dad) can prove that K. sued. i know it would be harsh to be so blunt with your grandma but it is an option.
Post # 7
@Nona99: “simply say how sad you are that these family issues have become something that will keep her from attending the wedding, but the guest list is set” This, plus everything you said.
When you’re telling her how much you’d like her to be there throw in that your son was looking forward to meeting his great-granny for the first time. And that you’re very sad that she is CHOOSING not to come. She is trying to guilt you into her way, so throw some of that back at her (in a very polite, sweet way of course).
Post # 8
My dad does agree with me. My parents haven’t spoken to K. in over 6 years and absolutely do not want him at the wedding. My mom said my dad is thinking about scanning & emailing my grandma the court documents.