(Closed) Grandma threatens she and my dad won't come to my wedding

posted 6 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

Go ahead with how you’d planned to have your Dad walk you down and have your Step-Dad waiting at the end. Tell your Dad and Grandma that your Dad will be walking you down the aisle, don’t even mention the part with your Step-Dad until your about to walk down the aisle. Too late for them to threaten and say silly things by then and surely your Dad would not be stupid enough to ruin your wedding. 🙂

Post # 3
Member
1829 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Weddings bring out the worst in some people, stick to your decision, talk directly to your dad regarding stuff that may affect his feelings. 

Post # 4
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

View original reply
elombardo:  If youre paying for the wedding do exactly as you want. Youre a grown almost married woman. Don’t give in grandma’s blackmail. Also, don’t throw a fit over it. I wouldn’t worry about giving Grandma satisfaction, give her CREDIT. I would say something along the lines of, you know you were absolutely right, once I really thought about it that was the right idea. In my opinion people play the victim because they feel they can’t get what they want any other way. Giving them a little validation often smoothes the future…

Post # 7
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I agree with not giving her the credit. Not to be mean but it sounds like your grandma is a piece of work they usually only get worse with age, I say this about my grandma. I love her to death and I spend a lot of time with her but her mouth is crazy sometimes lol and as she says she’s old she can say waht she wants. She’s earned the right. I think your plan is great and I also think you are entitled to invite ALL of your family depsite other people’s sore feelings about it. Good luck and congratulations.

Post # 9
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
elombardo:  Why would you have to disinvite 25 people? 

Post # 10
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

If I was you I would run off and get wed. I feel really sorry for you that your family can’t all just shut up and pull together for your big day. Good luck x

Post # 11
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
elombardo:  Good call!!! I love that you are standing your ground. Also, this is a fair compromise that you have come up with. Any reasonable person should be ok with it.

I think it’s crazy when people are like, “soandso is making me do X or they won’t attend my wedding!”. I say, let them choose and let the chips fall where they may. Obviously take feelings into account, but the only other person that MUST attend is your future husband. If you want to invite all the parents, you should. 

Post # 13
Member
4038 posts
Honey bee

I vote for eloping for Hawaii. There’s already enough drama, in this wedding, that you could choke on it. And if one problem get solves with grandmom, I’m sure another one would pop up. And on and on …

And with the demands on the guestlist – If someone says you can’t invite a group of people and another says another group of people can’t come, you’ll go back and forth and eventually end up with few guests.

We have a toxic-elder syndrome grandmother, who wrote e-mails demanding distant/estranged relatives be invited (they weren’t), and we just ignored her.

Post # 14
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

View original reply
elombardo:  You should do whatever is best for you. Just remember it’s only a guilt trip if you internalize it. Giving someone what they want doesn’t mean you have to agree with their methods. Example. If Grannie said the sun only rises in the morning because you’re a terrible person. If the sun rises does that make you a bad person… of course not. Sometimes you can head off a guilt trip by making the other person feel included. But of course you know the situation best and I’m sure will make the best decisions for yourself and your family 🙂

Post # 15
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
elombardo:  I see. I was just suprised that your guest list might contain 24 of her relatives. 

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