(Closed) Grandmother doesn't want to attend DW

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Is your father attending the wedding? If so, have you consulted him on this for his opinion. I would imagine that he would be very hurt that they would not attend only because they dislike your mother- you are his daughter as well. I am sorry if you are upset that she does not come, but it may be for the best as it may eliminate any petty drama on the day of your wedding. 

Post # 3
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

My Fiance and I chose my wedding location so that my grandmother could attend. Destination weddings are a gamble in terms of having people attend, and Italy is a long way from Australia. It sounds to me, from how she’s changing excuses, like she may not want to tell you why she doesn’t want to travel. Expense, distance, the stress of an international trip – there are so many reasons she might not be able/willing to attend and I don’t think it’s fair for you to plan a destination wedding and then get upset she won’t come. that’s the risk of a DW! 

Post # 5
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - Undecided

You did nothing wrong, lady! I’d say good riddens. Yes, she is family but that is so unacceptable and very, very rude. If she doesn’t want to be there then you just saved tons of money on catering for her. She did you a favour.

Post # 6
Member
422 posts
Helper bee

I would say do what makes you happy. I know my fiance’s grandmother is going to fuss about everything in our wedding, but I intend to let it roll off my shoulders.

Post # 7
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I would speak to my uncle, aunt and cousins personally to see if they will be attending or not. As far as your grandmother goes, it sounds like the wedding would be more joyous without her there. 

Post # 8
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

View original reply
Gypsy_Heart:  I understand not wanting to create anymore drama, but what happens when your father asks your aunt and uncle why they are not coming to the wedding. Obviously your grandmother is dictating their “choice,” but I can’t imagine that this is going to stay hidden from your father. It might be better to tell him the situtation now, than wait for him to find out on his own. 

Post # 9
Member
4037 posts
Honey bee

Yep, better off with her not there. My family has a grandmother who tries to suck the joy out of every situation where she’s not the center of attention, or when she doesn’t get her own way. She’ll probably take to her grave the grudge she has against us, because we didn’t invite distant/estranged realtives that she wanted to see, to our daughter’s wedding.

Post # 10
Member
3163 posts
Sugar bee

I’m not sure what the issue is, besides having to manage your Dad’s expectations? You told your Grandmother you don’t have time for that in your life. That will have consequences; some good and perhaps some bad.

I guess when you have a Destination Wedding particularly it makes it difficult for some people to come no matter the family pollitics. I’d just chalk it up to that and move on with your planning.

Re: telling your Dad…. I don’t think whether you do or not matters as much as how you explain your side of the story. If I was you, no matter how hard it might be, I’d try to be the bigger woman and resist drawing the poor guy into having to choose sides between his daughter and his elderly mother. You mention their relationship is strained already so I don’t see what adding fuel to the fire would achieve.

?

Post # 11
Member
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I don’t think this has anything to do with the fact that this is a Destination Wedding. It seems like your grandmother may have reacted this way no matter the location. If so, I agree that you made the right decision in telling her not to come. It’s sad that it is your grandmother, but just take joy in all the people that were there. It sounds like your dad will be in your corner, so that’s awesome too.

Post # 12
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee

Is it possible that there is something else going on? She could have early dementia or Alzheimer’s that is making her act worse. Or she could just be an old angry woman.  I wish you all the best in your planning. Italy sounds lovely!

Post # 13
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think you should stop caring.  Her loss.  Well, their loss.  Who wouldn’t want an excuse to go to a Destination Wedding in Italy???  I mean how much time do they think they are even going to see the other side of the family?

Post # 14
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Never ceases to amaze me how supposedly grown adults can act like children sometimes…

Another one agreeing that you’ve done nothing wrong.  From your post, it sounds like you don’t like her much anyway, so I doubt you are going to miss her at your wedding.   You don’t negotiate with emotional terriorists.  

Italy is beautiful, look forward to a lovely wedding!

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