(Closed) Grandmother’s Dress/ Family drama rant

posted 9 years ago in Dress
Post # 3
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

dont they say possesion is 9/10th… get the dress first 😉

i do appreciate her taking 48hrs to answer you – obviously she wanted to take her time in replying and you seem to want to be just as cool headed, which is good

maybe you should suggest the solomon thing – how many daughters/granddaugthers are there?  cut the dress up for everyone to have a piece as their “something old”


Post # 5
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

That does suck that she’s acting like that when it wasn’t her dress to begin with, but I could see her side of the story. It is an important dress to her now, she did wear it on her special day and in turn wants to keep it special and in tact. That said, it’s still not fair to keep your grandma’s wedding dress all to herself. I like your idea of displaying the dresses with the pictures, it’s better than nothing!

Post # 6
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Hmm, I am sorry you are disappointed about not being able to wear the dress. It is always hard to let go of, or alter, wedding dreams. However, I really do see her point. This dress is a family heirloom. It is one thing to want to wear it, or have it let out in a way  that doesn’t harm the integrity of the dress. It is something else to alter it to be more “modern.” While it seems unfair that she has claimed the dress for herself, your grandmother gave it to her. As with any other inheritance, it belongs to her and her children. It seems reasonable to ask that the dress be displayed, however. Maybe you could wear it unaltered for just the ceremony, then have a more comfortable/modern dress for the reception.

I hope this doesn’t put too much of a damper of your brand new engagment. Congratulations!

Post # 7
2634 posts
Sugar bee

Eeekkk – I have no idea what I would do.  Chances are her daughter or granddaughter may not even LIKE the dress.  Try to talk to her more and explain your reasons and why this dress is so important to you.  GL!

Post # 8
2641 posts
Sugar bee

It kind of stinks that she wants to hold onto it for her daughters.  What are the chances they’ll want to wear it?  Or that the dress will be in good shape by then?  (Although, at this point, it’s on a fast track to antiquedom.)

If only Grandma asked for it back, after she wore it.  Maybe grandma thought that no one else would really care for it.  Also, making necessary alterations are one thing.  But it sounds like you want to make other alterations to modernize it.  I could see why she wouldn’t like that.  (At that point you’d be changing the dress she wore on her wedding day too.)

If it’s the style you like, can you have one made to look like it, with the changes you want?  If it’s the sentimental value, can you ask grandma for something special, of hers, to carry down the aisle?  Maybe she has something else from her wedding (like a piece of jewelry or hanky or something.)

Good luck.

Post # 9
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I have to agree with sjbee. The alterations that you have suggested sound like they would really change the look of the dress. From what I understand, the dress wasn’t given to your cousin as a loaner dress until you wanted it. It was given to her, end of story. Whether she wants to share it with you at all, is unfortunately, entirely up to her. I sympathize with you because I understand that you wanted to wear a dress that was sentimental to you and your grandmother. However, I think this may be a battle that you might not win. It is her dress, she wore it on her wedding day, and now you’d like to wear it and make dramatic alterations to it. I can understnad why she isn’t comfortable with that. I think I would talk to her about wearing the dress with the panels let out (no corset back added) to fit you, but I think you should keep the sleeves if that is what she wants. If you want to wear her dress, you’re going to have to wear it on her terms, which may mean keeping the sleeves and not adding a corset.

Post # 11
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Oh, man I feel for you… but this is probably a battle you are not going to win. 🙁 If it were the dress I’d worn for my wedding, I would probably see it as mine, not a “communal” family dress, and I wouldn’t let someone take it who had to make drastic alterations. I might not let anyone take it even without alterations. It sounds like it’s her dress now, and she doesn’t have to lend it to you if she’s trying to save it. You may just have to find a new dream dress.

In response to your edit: that changes things, but not a whole lot. If your cousin and grandmother were still on good terms, maybe. But if she feels cut off, then she’s probably not going to let go of that dress at all.

Post # 12
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

so Grandma is still alive…… well get that woman on the phone to her other granddaughter asking for the dress back!



Post # 14
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

ugghhh – family dramas!

what about getting a replica dress made but custom to fit you??  i think that would still be very cool and you can have pics of grandma on her wedding day at the reception


Post # 15
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Awww it’s too bad your grandma can’t just call up and get her dress back for you!  Your cousin is being selfish, I think.  It doesn’t sound like it was ever meant to just be her heirloom.

I would probably try and call my cousin and see if we can find a way for both of us to work together on the dress issue – an email probably isn’t the best way for either of you to convey your thoughts.  It might be helpful for her to really hear how important this is to you!

Otherwise, if there’s no other option, talk to your grandma about borrowing something else from her – maybe she has something WAY better than her dress 🙂

Post # 16
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Hmm… if the dress is a size 10 and you are a size 12 and you are only just engaged, could you fit into the dress early enough to use it for your wedding? I know that a lot of brides end up going down a size or two during their engagement… just a thought 🙂 It might be worth trying on the dress and seeing how much either you or the dress would have to change to make it work. Good luck!

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