(Closed) Grandparent alone time

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
905 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

You’re not overreacting. Dear Daughter is almost 4 months old and EBF. She will not be anywhere without me for the foreseeable future. Darling Husband and I are her parents. If IL refused to give Dear Daughter back, I would physically take her back and we would leave right then and there. I cover when I’m nursing so they have no idea what she’s doing under there. For example, I’m at ILs right now and Dear Daughter is sleeping under the cover after falling asleep while eating, and she will stay there as long as I want her to. You need DWIL Nation.

Post # 17
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

For sure these grandparents are obsessed and astonishingly pushy. They spend time alone, they say, with each of their grandchildren every week. They want to be alone, they insist on being alone, with someone who’s too young to talk–a baby so young that most people would definitely want a parental backup around. The subject line made the back of my neck crawl, before I even got to the very strange, very unusual, I-can-only-think-of-one-likely-explanation description of what the grandparents are insisting they should have–an infant, alone, frequently. Emphasis on “alone.” Ask yourself why they need to be alone with an infant. This is insanely weird. And very, very unusual.

Maybe you could warn the parents of the other granchildren.

I mean, which would you rather risk: not giving your inlaws something they have no good reason to ask for or having your baby molested, which is what I’m afraid may be the reason for all the emphasis on alone? And yes, molesters sometimes work together.

If someone wanted to be alone with my baby that in itself would be reason enough for me to make sure it never, ever happened.

Post # 19
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee

mrsvc :  I gave my mother “alone” time with my first two daughters. She had the oldest ears pierced and the second one she relaxed her hair. She didn’t get the 3rd or 4th. They’re TEENS now and she’s always complaining about how I kept those two away from her but oh well…It isn’t necessarily that they would HARM them but they may indeed do something you don’t want (like a baptism – I’ve read something about that on here too). If you’re not comfortable with it, just say no!

Post # 20
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee

Try to deflect when they ask. 

“We want alone time with the baby!”

“Why do you need to be alone? What can’t you do with the baby while we are here? The only person I’ve ever needed to be alone with before is DH” 

Make them sound creepy and weird to themselves. Stick to your guns. Grandparents can still spend time loving and spoiling their grandkids without being alone with them. 

 

Post # 21
Member
1834 posts
Buzzing bee

 Creepy, pushy, and THEY are being very disrespectful to you and your dh.

Stand your ground.

Post # 22
Member
911 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Nazareth Hall

mrsvc :  I don’t have babies yet, but my in laws (mostly my MIL) talk about taking our children away for entire summers to go camping. Like no. They are my children, not yours. 

 

Stand your ground. When the baby is a little older it will be nice to go out on date nights and be alone for a bit. But it’s still a new baby and them pressing you this much is weird.

Post # 23
Member
2166 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

That’s weird to me! I have a 3 month old and I’ve left her with my Mother-In-Law and my parents alone but when I asked for them to watch her. I’ve denied my Mother-In-Law of taking her from me too when it’s been a day I haven’t seen my baby much (already back to work) so I hear you! Don’t ever feel bad for being firm, you must or they think they can do anything and quite frankly they sound weird. 

Post # 24
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Um…..no. YOU are the parents and YOU set the ground rules. If either you or your Fiance wants YOUR baby, if you as and they refuse, go over and take your baby. It’s not theirs. This is not normal and you set the ground rules. I actually find this behavior so disturbing that I wouldn’t even bring my baby to their home. You need to set firm boundaries and they need to respect them otherwise they should not be permitted to see your child. 

 

Post # 25
Member
3435 posts
Sugar bee

Offering to babaysit is ok but pushing for alone time is weird AF.

Post # 26
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

leilarobs2 :  She got your daughter’s ears pierced without your permission?? You had every right to stop grandparent alone time then and there.

mrsvc :  What they are requesting is not normal and you and Darling Husband have every right to say no. It is ok to offer to babysit, but totally out of line to demand it. And wanting it to be alone… just rubs me the wrong way. Too bad if the other siblings let them get away with it. Your baby, your rules.

Post # 27
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee

aussiemum1248 :  I should have but I was young…I said well I’d have gotten it done anyway, yadda yadda yadda and let it go. I’d have really preferred being there though and it bothered me. I hit the roof with the hair thing though and that was it for “alone” time.

Post # 28
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Of course, you as the parent make all the decisions and those should be respected.  Just thought as a grandmother I would share why the alone time is requested.  I have 5 bio grandchildren.  The reason a grandparent might ask for alone time is that as long as mom and dad are there, the child will want only them and that impairs their bonding with grandparents.  My oldest gc was with us almost every weekend from 5 weeks for several years.  You can imagine the bond we have.  The other 4 were only in the case of rare emergencies.  But with lots of time together with the parents there.  We were worried that we wouldn’t have the same bond with all of them, and actually we don’t but it’s not because we didn’t get alone time.  It’s because we have bonded with them over their own unique interests.  And as they grow older. the amount of time together decreases but the bond is just as strong.  

Since this is gc #10, maybe they are just worried that they won’t develop that bond the same as the others.  And that they wouldn’t be treating your child as well as the previous ones.  Or that this is the way it’s worked well in the past so why change it……………  It doesn’t really make a difference why they want it, the point is that you are the parent and you get to choose not them, but understanding why should make it easier to formulate a method to cope with it.  Making them understand that you two are not the same as all the other gc’s parents is what is important. Focus on yourselves, your needs, the reason you are making decisions, etc. when setting boundaries and not focus on the child.

Post # 29
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I think some of you are really fuelling the situation and dramatizing it. I personally would be annoyed that they’re kinda invasive but it’s not “weird as f” or a “major red flag”. They may insist because they know how much they appreciated that help in the beginning, maybe they’re more “community raising” oriented than just “mom and dad” oriented. Maybe they want to build a closer bond to the baby so your son or daughter is flooded with love and so they actually get to give him or her their full attention which they can’t do when you’re there as the baby is receiving attention from all corners,  maybe they want more of a special relationship as grandparents than your uncles or aunts or distant relatives may get, etc etc. 

Post # 30
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

While I think they are being a bit pushy since your baby is so young – in a few months you’ll appreciate being able to leave your baby for a night or two for free so I would keep politely give the “too young” excuse when they offer to babysit right now. I would shut down the situation where they won’t give your baby up when you try to take her though – that is just rude. Don’t go to DWIL nation – that board is very anti-grandparent and you want to maintain a good relationship with your in-laws.

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