Grandparents and car seat safety

posted 9 months ago in Parenting
Post # 16
Member
9828 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I have a fresh kid too, so I get it. Car seat safety is important! 

But I think you’ve gone a bit Mama Bear and a lot OTT. Install the seat, show them how to use it, let them practice in front of you. But an hours worth of video is over kill. 

Post # 17
Member
512 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

My in-laws watch our kids one day a week and come pick them up and drop them off. Which is super convenient for us and I’m grateful. That said, we purchased for them, installed, and helped buckle our kids in to show them what to do for easily 2 months when this all started. My husband happens to be a pediatrician and he is (rightly so) crazy about car seat safety. So…I agree that it’s vital and that they weren’t perhaps being safe or respectful, but maybe meet them a little in the middle with education and ensuring you’re comfortable about how they’re belting the kids in. Almost every time my Mother-In-Law picks them up, i belt our 10 mo old into her seat just out of habit. I do think asking her to send you a photo of them buckled in might be a little bit over the top (though I get it), and I’d probably ignore your request too. Another option might be to pick up and drop off the kids yourself, or have them watch the kids at your house. Or ultimately, don’t allow them to watch the kids at all.  Hopefully they’ll be amenable to working with you!

Post # 20
Member
8834 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

kb7 :  “I think it’s some weird power trip.” — They only have power because you need them. I totally understand wanting to take couple-trips without the kids, or have them watch them sometimes for other reasons, but that means they have some power here. The way to take back this power is to stop using them for childcare. They can bug and expect all they want, but these are your kids and if you aren’t comfortable with how your parents care for them, it is completely within your power to not let your parents care for them. If you DO let your parents care for them, you are giving up some power. 

Post # 21
Member
6660 posts
Bee Keeper

Daisy_Mae :  Car seat safety is different than it was 20 years ago. 

Nope. Twenty years ago car seat safety was the same as it is now and there have been ads on TV and the radio for at least 20 years encouraging proper car seat use, installation checks, etc. (I have a 20 year-old.) Maybe it was different 30 years ago. Car seats weren’t even a thing when I was a child. 

OP–when I had my children my mother wanted to have her own car seat and she reluctantly agreed to go to the police department to have her installation checked before my child would travel in it. She also took an infant/child CPR class (with me, my ex and my best friend) before baby was born because I asked her to do so if she wanted to have the baby overnight. She protested and rolled her eyes and did it. We had a big conversation that yes, I survived not being in a car seat and her not knowing CPR but that we know more now than we knew then and I couldn’t live with myself if something happened that could have been prevented, and I doubted she could either. 

Is there a car seat safety class you could attend together? Otherwise, if they refuse to learn and practice car seat safety standards and respect timing that’s best for your children you’ll have to decide if it’s worth it to have them babysit overnight. A late nap isn’t such a big deal, poor car seat use is. 

Just saw they’ve been in an accident with a child? And refused to get rid of the car seat? Hell no. It would be a long time before my child rode with them again. 

Post # 22
Member
751 posts
Busy bee

They’ve been in an accident with your child in the car? Yikes. I know care.com has a search option for overnight caregivers. 

Post # 23
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

kb7 :  I recommend posting this on DWIL. You aren’t overreacting, in fact, I would go with underreacting. You are putting a skiing trip above your children’s safety because you can’t get your money back. You are readily admitting that you don’t trust your parents, they put your children in danger, disregard your wishes for YOUR children, they don’t respect you, and you’re still giving them basically free reign to your kids. Care.com for childcare, and/or mommy groups on facebook for recommendations, or ask neighbors/friends for recommendations. I would also recommend sitting down with Darling Husband and figuring out what your boundaries with the kids are and start enforcing them.Your parents are disrespectful boundary stompers and the only way this is going to get better is if you start standing up for yourself and your kids. 

Post # 24
Member
8834 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

beethree :  I didn’t say there weren’t car seats 20 years ago, I said the recommendations were different and they were. Clips were lower down, they did not recommend tightening them as much as you’re supposed to now, they encouraged using those boppy-pillow neck stabilizer things, the age and weight for going front-facing was different, and plenty more. Are you seriously saying there’s been no new info or insight in the past 20 years?

Post # 25
Member
512 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

kb7 :  I’m a total stickler about nap times! That’s the worst!! Sounds like maybe not having them watch the kids might be the best thing!! 

Post # 26
Member
6660 posts
Bee Keeper

Daisy_Mae :  It was a more global statement, but my pediatrician recommended against neck stabilizers, etc. even 20 years ago and the car seat I recently used had the same clip placement my children had, so perhaps they haven’t changed as much as you think. (Rear-facing recommendations have definitely changed.)

My point was that car seat safety–including proper installation, having that installation checked by professionals, and disposing of a car seat after an accident or a period of time due to damage/material breakdown–has been a consistent news item with significant advertising campaigns for at least two decades. There is no way OP’s parents are not aware of the importance of all of these things and yet they are insulted that OP wants to them to follow accepted guidelines. 

Post # 27
Member
14948 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

kb7 :  Ok, does eem more than a little mistake.  Thats just so weird to me… there’s just zero reason they need to be driving them around for short watches like that.  Granted my son is only 4 months old, but my parents watch him all the time and dont even have a carseat or have mentioned needing one.  

Daisy_Mae :  “I think it’s some weird power trip.” — They only have power because you need them. I totally understand wanting to take couple-trips without the kids, or have them watch them sometimes for other reasons, but that means they have some power here. The way to take back this power is to stop using them for childcare. 

I guess they do have some “power” since they are needed, but the dont have to be dicks about it and play up some power trip with car seat safey games. 

Post # 28
Member
8834 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

pinkshoes :  Yeah, but OP can’t control whether her parents are dicks or not. She can (and should) control whether these dicks get to watch her kids. We all agree that her parent’s SHOULD change their behavior, but OP can’t make them. So her options are let them watch the kids on their terms, or don’t let them watch the kids.

Post # 30
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

kb7 :  I’m betting your kids’ lives are worth more than the cost of the trip. If you truly don’t trust them to transport them safely, I would not go. 

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