Grandparents and car seat safety

posted 7 months ago in Parenting
Post # 61
8774 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

kb7 :  “I’m trying to respect their desire as grandparents to see their grandchildren as well as keep my children’s well-being my top priority.” — They can all still have a relationship without the kids being alone with your parents. You can visit them, they can visit you, you can meet up at the zoo and then go your separate ways afterwards. The problem here is that you want the convenience of “normal” helpful grandparents who can babysit sometimes. There is nothing wrong with wanting that, except that your parents are not those people and there is nothing you can do to turn them into those people. I understand how shitty this is — I was there. My husband and I are basically the only two people in either of our families who do not have serious mental health and/or addiction problems. My mom is the sweetest, most loving, motherly and grandmotherly person I’ve ever met, but she is also an addict. When she drinks or uses, she’s a different person and there is no way to tell whether today will be a sober day or not. It breaks my heart for her AND my kids, but I had to have the strength to say “their physical and emotional well-being is more important than my guilt” or convenience. We had to pay for outside daycare, we didn’t get the benefit of date nights, and we couldn’t take couple’s trips even just for a weekend. It was hard. It made me angry and sad because it felt unfair. But wishing things were different doesn’t make them different. You need to make your decisions based on how things are, not how you want them to be, and you need the strength to do what’s right for your kids even if it means hurting a grown-ups feelings.

Post # 62
189 posts
Blushing bee

   Hunnibee88 :  the OP taking issue with something as risky as improper car seat usage AND her parents disrespecting her schedule hardly implies that she is ungrateful and doesn’t say thank you. 

It doesn’t matter that her parents know how to raise kids… they don’t know how to raise OP’s kids and are disrespecting her wishes. I’m eternally grateful whenever my parents or in-laws take care of my kids… but, being grateful doesn’t mean that I have to zip my mouth and let them parent my children. They aren’t my children’s parents, and things are a hell of lot different now than they were when they were raising their kids (case in point: the refusal to adhere to proper car seat usage rules). They are grandparents, and time with my kids is a privilege not a right. If they want a relationship with my kids then they need to respect the decisions and schedules my husband and I have set. 

Post # 63
373 posts
Helper bee

carowl :  i suggested she show them how to install the carseat and ensure they know how to use it.  I was simply acknowledging the sheer lunacy of requesting pics before they drive the car and asking them to watch youtube videos . If I were her parents I would find all this incredibly condescending. 

You didn’t read the part where I  acknowledged her concerns.  I just pointed out how ridiculous some of it also.  

“”The OP taking issue with something as risky as improper car seat usage AND her parents disrespecting her schedule hardly implies that she is ungrateful and doesn’t say thank you. “”

I very much doubt she said…. “thanks for helping me out after these events”. Read where she drops the F bomb several times about the car seat and the late arrivals. “WTF MUM AND DAD THE CAR SEAT ISN’T INSTALLED CORRECTLY AND YOUR TWO HOURS LATE,  YOU FUCKED (her words) MY CHILD’S NAP SCHEDULE…. BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH” LOL


Post # 64
189 posts
Blushing bee

Hunnibee88 :  putting words in her mouth and fabricating a conversation you believe she had isn’t proof of anything. She specifically told you she thanks them. She’s venting here about the situation and has every right to “drop the f bomb” for effect. This doesn’t in any way mean that she spoke to her parents the way you’re claiming she did. Quite frankly I think considering the situation she sounds to have behaved pretty calmly.

I read your comments and stand by mine. 1. I felt your comments were initially condescending, and now you’ve gone so far as to accuse OP of speaking to her parents disrespectfully. 2. The fact that her parents successfully raised kids doesn’t mean they should get carte blanche to do whatever they please. It’s possible for OP to be grateful for her parents babysitting, but unhappy with their blatant disrespect of her parenting choices. The two are not mutually exclusive. 

ETA: it’s better that OP ask for photos than to withhold the kids from their grandparents, no? If the grandparents can’t be trusted based on their own behaviour, she’s well within her rights as a parent to ask for a photo until everyone is more comfortable. I deal with severe anxiety and the idea of my kids flying through a windshield because someone doesn’t bother to take car seat safety seriously is something that goes through my mind whenever they’re in someone else’s car. If a photo helps to ease the OP’s concerns and anxieties, who’s to judge her for that? 

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