(Closed) Grandparents are not baby-sitters?? Your opinion??

posted 9 years ago in Babies
Post # 18
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@michkarose:teehe its okay I had to go back and reread it cause I was confused too 🙂 

Post # 20
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I don’t have kids yet but my mom has made it clear her “job” when she retires will be to watch the kids.  And that means any excuse.  Even if she can just come over so I can nap (her words).  It’s all about the boundaries both the parents and grandparents have set.  Your mom has set the precedent it’s ok for SIL’s kids to be dropped off whether she has plans or not. 

Post # 21
Member
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am envious of some of you, I guess I cannot imagine wanting my parents that involved- you are lucky- those of you who have parents to help.

Post # 22
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I RARELY ask my Future Mother-In-Law to watch my kids. However, she offers all the time because she really loves having them. I live an hour away from my hometown and all my friends and she will call me and ask me to spend the weekend with her. That way, she has quality time to spend with the kids and I get to see my friends. Special occasions, such as a friends birthday or whatnot, I will ask my Future Mother-In-Law if she is able, and if she has plans I find a babysitter. But on the other hand, my FI’s brother has  a son and she never asks Future Brother-In-Law if he can bring the child over for a visit because him and his girlfriend literally drop him off there so they can hang out and watch a movie at home. It really infuriates me! They drop him off almost every weekend friday till sunday, now my FBIL’s excuse is that she’s pregnant and tired. Well I have two kids and I know its quite possible to be pregnant and take care of your firstborn at the same time.

Post # 23
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I feel like my future sister-in-law abuses grandparent babysitter.  Even though I know the grandparents love watching the three kids under the age of 6, she never really asks if they’ll watch the kids.  She more or less tells her parents when they are watching the kids.  And they have them every other weekend.  SIL is a nurse and works the third shift every other weekend.  Brother-In-Law is a cop who works day shift M-F, but is on call all other times.  I get why they need someone to watch the kids, but they never think to ask others.  Nor do they compensate the grandparents in anyway shape or form…no money to take the kids to the movies, no random thanks for watching the kids dinner night.  Instead the grandparents make SIL dinner on top of it all.   Both grandparents work full-time during the week and cannot retire anytime soon b/c they are around the poverty level. Having watched this first hand, I’ve learned when the time comes to set boundaries and to be considerate of others. 

Post # 24
Member
10285 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I am a firm believer in “grandparents are not babysitters”. My Future Mother-In-Law was taken advantage of by FI’s step brother and his wife after agreeing to watch their first son every Friday. When you have a set schedule and that person is not being paid, they are being taken advantage of, IMO.

When my FSBIL and his wife got pregnant with their second child, it was just expected that my FIL’s would watch that kid too. They weren’t even asked. My Future Mother-In-Law finally put her foot down and stopped watching the kids only to be made to feel like an asshole for abandoning the grandchildren. The whole ordeal with my FSBIL/SIL has really turned me off to grandparents as babysitters. It’s one thing when its every once in a while but when its everyday or there’s a set schedule, it’s just not cool.

My Future Brother-In-Law and his wife are pregnant now and I would bet money that they ask my Future Mother-In-Law to watch their kid a few times a week while they are at work. I am NOT shy about how I feel regarding the whole ordeal and I’ve let it be known that I think its crap. I really hope my Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t agree to it.

If you have a kid you should either stay home or pay for day care. Like I said, every once in a while is fine but having a set schedule is not okay in my book. They already raised their kids, they shouldn’t have to raise their grandkids. 

Post # 25
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i expect my parents to be babysitters when i have kids because that’s how i was raised. my grandmother retired when i was born to become a full-time babysitter to me. unfortunately, i live across the country from my parents, so it’s not feasible.

fi’s mom lives nearby, but i don’t think she has the same situation in mind. pp’s are right — you can never assume. if the grandparent makes it clear they want to babysit whenever, there’s no problem dropping the kid off with them for whatever reason.

Post # 26
Member
4479 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Why wouldn’t it be okay if they are willing? If my mom were willing to babysit and it were convenient, I would happily let her watch my children (if I ever have any 😉 so I could work out or get a haircut, not just so I could do things like go to the doctor. Should I stop taking care of myself just because I have children? Your life will change when you have kids, sure, but I don’t think it has to end, and if you have ready and willing childcare, I don’t think you should turn your nose up at it. 😉

Now if the problem is that your mom is missing important engagements of her own because your SIL won’t find an actual babysitter, that’s a different issue… but one for your mom to sort out.

Post # 27
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I think this is a situation that is very dependent on your relationship with the grandparents and how you were raised. 

My Mother-In-Law currently provides full time pre-school and daycare for my stepson. When I work she also watches my infant son. In addition to that, they gladly take them anytime we something we need to do and they frequently tell us to leave the kids with them so that we can have some alone time. That being said they will always tell us if they have plans or are unable to do it. 

When I am working full time, I personally don’t like leaving him with some one else in my off time. I want that time with him when I can get it. But when I am home with him all day, I look forward to dropping him off occasionally and getting  a little time to myself. Everyone is different in this regard but I definitely get cranky when I don’t get any time by myself and between my husband, two kids, and a dog that time would be hard to come by if I didn’t have someone to watch the little guy. 

Post # 28
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think grandparents CAN be babysitters, assuming they’re in good enough health (mine are not anymore), but like other posters have said, you can’t assume that they can always watch them. Just like anyone else, they deserve the courtesy of asking and not pushing the limits of what’s ok with them. I know some people don’t have other options (because of finances, etc.) and some grandparents are glad to help.

Post # 29
Member
1220 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

@SoontobeMsL:  Do you know for a fact that your SIL has never talked to your mom about this arrangement?  I think that’s the key.  

If my mom lived close enough to drop the kid off for 2 hours a couple times a week (set times, like 2-5) for me to go the gym, hair done, grocery shopping etc I wouldn’t feel at all bad about it.  But I also would have talked to her before hand to make sure it worked for her.  

Post # 30
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I really understand what you are saying. I have a friend who dumps her kid in her mom like every other day. She met a new friend a little over a year ago and she goes out on Thurs, Fri, and Sat……and during the week.  She complains that he mom complains about taking her son and it makes me nuts!

There is different that grandparents who are helping because they really want to. My in-laws are like that. They watch their grandkids everyday while my SIL works….but they want to.

It’s very differnt with my friend. I understand why you get frustrated. This is actually a pet peeve of mine also.

Every family is different and some Grandparents want to be super involved like that, and the parent is not taking advantage of them. BUT there are the people who really just expect that the grandparents will take the kids all the time, and that’s just not right.

It really depends on the family.  It’s more a matter of the Grandparents being taken for granted and advantage of. 

 

Post # 31
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

@kitzy:

you make a good point.

I know for a fact that my mom will not be like that, but my husband was raised with a VERY involved family and I expect things from them that I don’t expect from my own family.

It’s always a case of “each situation is different”.

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