Post # 1
So my grandparents live about an hour away from where our wedding is. My grandpa is in his 80s and grandma is in her 70s. Every time we mention the wedding or ask them if they will be there they just say “oh I dont know”. My uncle is the one that usually drives them around but I guess they are saying he cant fit in there car anymore (he is over 400 pounds) and my other uncle is unreliable so who know if he will decide to drive them or show up. I get that they are older and don’t like driving but it really hurts my feelings that they act like they don’t really care that they might not be there. It is seriously causing me so much stress. My mom is the one saying she will find a way for them to be there and she is not even related to them (they are my dads parents and my parents are divorced) so my mom and her husband are the ones saying they will hire a towncar if they have to pick them up and take them home. But if they really don’t care about coming then I don’t want them there knowing they were forced.
Another thing that PISSES me off is my step mom keeps just saying “well they didn’t come to Amy’s” Ok Amy is my step sister that they have known for what 2 years maybe and I am their blood grand daughter who they have seen grow up. I feel like her and my dad won’t be any help since they are bitter about them not making the 3 hour drive to amys wedding (was an evening wedding too)
How do you think I should handle this? It makes me sick thinking that my grandparents, uncles, and cousins might not be at my wedding! I’m so sick of always driving down there for every little thing but when my once in a lifetime wedding occurs no one gives a darn. If they don’t show up I don’t think I’ll make half the effort to go down there anymore. I sure as heck won’t drag my son away from his chirstmas presents eary christmas morning to just go see everyone when they can’t bother to even care about a day that is so special to me.
Ok now that I am crying I think I’ll stop typing and wait for some advice. Thanks!
Post # 3
I think it’s possible that your grandparents don’t want to commit because they’re worried about something preventing them from coming and not wanting to disappoint you. My grandmother did that for months before my wedding. Maybe you can put a pin in the topic until a bit closer to the wedding when you need the official RSVP/finalizing programs/finalizing guest counts and then let them know you need a firm decision. You can let them know that you will be very sad if they’re unable to attend, but you need them to make a final decision. At least then you’ll know one way or another. I can tell you it’s worse not to know.
If it makes you feel any better, my grandfather said he was coming and then just decided not to get into the car with my parents the day before the wedding when they were driving to my city (where the wedding was being held). I had no idea that he wasn’t coming until I called my mother and she clued me in. I’m crying in a good portion of my wedding photos because I was so devastated. I hope that at least you can know before hand and brace yourself either way.
Post # 4
I don’t have any grandparents but Fiance has two grandmothers. One is very feeble and doesn’t move well. We didn’t expect her to drive six hours to our wedding. The other one though…she lives four houses down from his family home. Everyone in his immediate family will be here and would drive her. This is a woman who drives a farther distance twice a year to stay with her sister in Chicago for several weeks at a time. She goes to the cabin, drives herself to town, organizes the church volunteers, etc. And she isn’t coming. No explanation, not even a word on the RSVP, just “No.” His aunt who he is very close to also isn’t coming and she and her husband are comfortably retired. FI’s mom passed away this spring and her mom and her sister have always been close to Fiance but not close enough to drive to his wedding. I have absolutely no advice but can commiserate. The one (slightly jaded) thing I’ve learned in this process is that you can’t teach tact, you can’t make yourself matter to anyone and you can only take care of yourself. So if they don’t come, they don’t come. But I know personally we won’t be going out of our way to make it to a weekend at the cabin this summer.
Post # 5
Thanks guys 🙂 It is so nice having someone to talk to! I think you are right about them not wanting to disapoint me, at least everyone keeps telling me that is the reason the won’t commit. I think it really bothers me is that Fiance parents and family aren’t involved in our lives for various reasons so if my family doesn’t come then it will just be my parents and brother for our family. I know that is all that should matter but it makes me feel sad. Hopefully everything works out and my step mom doesn’t try to stop them because they didn’t come to my step sisters wedding. SIGH