Post # 1
I have always been really close with my grandparents, espicaly my Grampy. I was the first born grandchild, so I got to be the first to do everything. He always treated me differently than the other grandkids.
About 10 years ago they moved to Texas to escape the cold New England winters. With college and everything we havent really talked much in that time. I always get the christmas cards and stuff but they havent shown an interest in the lives of their family for many many years. Whn my cousin got married 2 years ago they didnt come to the wedding in Cali because "RV’s arent allowed in California" Their exact words.
So when I got engaged Ic alled them right up and they were so happy for me. I asked when would be a good time for them to come home for the wedding, and they said they would be there when ever it was. Well I got a call from my Uncle last night saying that only my grandmother would be coming. I was totally crushed and started balling my eyes out.
First of all they didnt have the guts to call me or my mom about this? I dotn understand why they are doing this. Now that I have slept on it I want to call them and tell my Grandmother to not even bother. If this isnt important enough to them they it not important to me that they be there. Am I overreacting? Shoudl I just accept that my Grampy isnt coming and enjoy the day with my family that is happy to be there for me?
Post # 3
I understand how you feel. My grandparents on my mothers side move to the south for warmer weather too. Maybe your grandpa isn’t feeling well? I think you could call to see how he is maybe.
Post # 4
Well — can they both afford to come? If you say yes, are you *sure?* Is your grandfather afraid of flying but your grandmother’s not? Is your grandfather having some kind of health problem, or is there something near home he needs to be around for that weekend?
I think your grandmother would be really hurt if you told her that her presence alone wasn’t special enough for you. Her wanting to be there is hopefully separate from your disappointment that your grandfather can’t make it, right? Maybe you should call her and tell her that you’re so happy she’ll be able to make it and ask why your grandfather can’t? In light of how neither of them attended your cousin’s wedding, it seems even more special that they’re trying to be represented at yours.
Post # 5
I know its hard.. because we love our grandparents and cant imagine the day without them.. but I really do think you should let him off the hook. The older they get, the harder it is to travel.. thats hard for us to understand because travel is so quick and easy for us.. but with their old bodies, sitting for extended periods of time etc is so hard on them.
Both of my grandfathers have passed.. and one of my grandmothers has become blind and definitely cant travel.. I put alot of pressure on my last grandma to come because I didn’t want to not have any grandparents there… well she made the trip only to end up with pnemonia because of the flight!! She ended up in ICU the night she arrived and spent the nect week in ICU fighting to breathe… and needless to say missed the wedding =( I feel so guilty and wished that I hadnt begged her to come now… They ended up mediflighting her back to where she lives and she is still in the hospital there…
So learn from my experience and find some other way to include them.. or after the wedding bring all the videos and photos to share with them that way.
Post # 6
I’m so sorry you’re going through this 🙁
I’ve had my grandparents skip things that really mattered to me (college graduation, in particular), and not tell me to my face that they weren’t coming. I didn’t realize it until afterwards, but the reason they didn’t come is that traveling had gotten really hard and nerve-wracking b/c of health issues… and the reason that they didn’t tell me is because they didn’t feel able to talk about it – saying out loud that you can’t travel anymore, or can’t travel like you used to, can feel really scary. And the fact that they called my mom with a flimsy excuse the day before hurts, but it’s not really about me, it’s about not wanting to admit that they’re getting old and they’re not able to do as much.
So I don’t know if that’s what’s going on with your Grampy, but try to be gentle. I think asking your grandmother not to come is overreacting, and I think you’ll regret it. Remember, she’s the one who has decided that she wants & is able to be there – and that she’s coming even though her husband isn’t. I think the fact that they called your uncle about it means, in a way, that they’re worrying about it, and feel bad that it is this way. You might want to send them a note tomorrow – writing out your thoughts can help keep you from saying something thoughtless, and gives them time and space to respond, since it seems like they’re having a hard time communicating about whatever’s *actually* going on. Good luck!
Post # 7
I agree with the previous posters, that I think it is too harsh to tell your grandmother not to even bother, and you will definitely regret it later. I think I would just call them, tell them you heard your Grampy wasn’t coming, and wanted to make sure he’s doing okay. It is very possible there is a very good reason. It is of course very sad that he may not be coming, but it could be for a variety of reasons, and before excluding your grandmother, I would think it would be a good to find out exactly what’s going on. None of my grandparents are alive, so I know that it’s rough not to have them there. Good luck, and I’m sorry this is so hard!
Post # 8
Thanks ladies for the great advice. I didnt look at it from the health aspect. The family situation has not always been easy, my Grandparents dont enjoy the company of their children and can be very spiteful at times. I fear that health is not the reason. I will however take it as it comes and be greatfull for the family that is excited to be with us. Thanks for the support!