Grant me strength

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1846 posts
Buzzing bee

Ok the only way you’re going to cut out the issues is to remove your mother from the equation all together.

Revise the contract with the venue. Set it up so the only people they can speak to are you and your fiance. Then password protect it so she can’t call in pretending to be you.

DO THIS WITH EVERY SINGLE WEDDING ITEM!!!!

It’s time to greyrock and info diet the shit out of your mom. Don’t give her answer’s no is a complete sentence. No thank you works wonders as a response. Especially in public.

If your mother doesn’t have info she can’t fuck anything up. 

This is your wedding, do you want to look back on your wedding as a joyous event where you go what you wanted? or as you getting completely steam rolled by your mother and hating it?

 

Post # 3
Member
1349 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Call your venue immediately and explain that your mother is to get no more information and they are only allowed to speak with you or your FH. If her name is anywhere on the contract have a new contract drawn up with just the two of you on it.

Your mother is batshit insane and needs help- it really sounds like she’s out of control and threatening to kill herself is not only over the top but a disgusting tactic. She needs help, it’s not up to you to get it for her, you need to show her you won’t put up with it or the resentment will only grow from what it is.

Your mother needs to learn that her behaviour is unacceptable. Let her know that you will not be speaking to her or visting her unless this behaviour changes and DO NOT BEND no matter what she says or does.

That being said – I would also contact any other vendors you have contracts with and insure you’ve given them direction to only speak with the two of you.

Your best bet is to e-mail your vendors so that you have it in writing that you’ve requested they not speak with your mother or allow her to make decisions on your behalf, and you two are the only ones allowed to do so.

Post # 5
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Definitely speak to the venue, and I 100% hear you on guilt tripping mothers. I’m finding the only thing that works is to not talk about the wedding, or if I do then I make sure it’s only about things that have already been decided on. 

This isn’t her day, it’s a day for you and your fi 

Post # 6
Member
1838 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

You do need to speak to the venue. Whoever is signing to pay for the event gets the final say. If that’s your father and not your mother, go this legal route to exclude her. I’m sure most venues have experienced MOBs being bridezillas.

Post # 7
Member
5750 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Your mother is on a whole other level. Damn!

Anyone playing around threatening to kill themselves needs to find their asses snatched up and put on a psych ward lockdown. That is not something to use as a power play.

I agree with what others are saying about the venue. And as soon as your wedding is over, you need to put your mother in an energetic black box. No contact (or very minimal) and extremely limited interaction. She sounds like more than a pushy mother and all the way into dangerous and highly toxic. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. And your poor father- he’s trying to break up with her and she’s just like “Nope”. It would be funny if it wasn’t so disturbing and tragic.

Post # 8
Member
1376 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

If you were in the US I’d tell you to ready to have her Baker Acted the moment she made that threat.  However, since you’re not you’re going to have to go the route per the pp’s advice.  You may have to ultimately cut her off completely for a while bee.  That’s not your fault, she’s the one who would be forcing that action upon her.

By The Way the Baker Act is simply an involuntary psyche hold.  (sure there isn’t anything similar where you are?)

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