Great opportunity for me but have never lived anywhere but home

posted 2 months ago in Travel
Post # 2
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee

If you’ll be working, why won’t you have any bills or responsibilities? I definitely think people should live away from home at least for a few years. I know some people who never moved away and their emotional growth is..a little stunted.

That being said, his dad living with you guys and you having no responsibilities makes it sound like this might not such a good opportunity for growth. It sounds like a codependency problem waiting to happen. If you move down there, make it clear that you expect to contribute financially to the household because you’ll be earning your own income. You’re a full grown adult. 

Do you and your boyfriend live together now? 

Post # 3
Member
1785 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Malibou Lake Mountain Club

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@Mrs..futureaggazi:  are you currently living with your parents or living with your BFr and his father? 
I mean in general, its scary but there is a lot to consider: is this something you want, will you feel happy doing this for your Bfr, what are your safety nets for when you feel alone?

 

Post # 5
Member
4008 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I wouldn’t want to move in with my boyfriend’s dad. I just wouldn’t be comfortable no matter how long we’d been dating. This just seems like you’re going from one comfortable family environment to another. It would be one thing if you guys had your own space, but this just doesn’t sound like a fun time to me. They are paying for everything which means you likely get no say in anything if something were to come up.

Post # 8
Member
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

In your shoes I would absolutely move and try things out. 24 is pretty old to have never lived away from home! Are you in therapy to help cope with your panic disorder? I know that new places and situations could be particularly anxiety provoking for you, but the absolute best thing to do is to face your fears and expose yourself to them. 

Post # 10
Member
9101 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@Mrs..futureaggazi:  I don’t see anything wrong with giving it a try. I’m older than most bees. I have few regrets so far, and can only think of 1 where it’s something I regret doing. All the rest are things I regret NOT doing. Try it for 6 months and if it’s working out, give it another 6 months. If you find that it’s not for you, you’ll have lots of other options — go back home to your parents, go closer to home and live with some friends, stay in FL but in your own place…. Best wishes whatever you decide.

Post # 11
Member
2979 posts
Sugar bee

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@Mrs..futureaggazi:  You don’t have to answer this, but do you think your “not so easy” mother is the root of your anxiety? It’s something to think about.

Regardless, moving to a new state with the set up you’ll have sounds great. Planning on getting your own place next year is even better. Do you know what your credit scores are? If not, find out very soon so you know if you have to work on those before trying to buy a house.

Post # 12
Member
570 posts
Busy bee

I did a very similar move at 23. Life definitely took me for a couple flips that I never expected, but I did it and years later am ultimately glad I did. I think you should but have very minimal expectations. Understand the job and/or relationship may not work out so you are mentally prepared. It’s difficult to be by yourself in these positions, so I encourage you to try to find some friends/ stability asap.

Post # 13
Member
521 posts
Busy bee

Sounds good, but do it with caution.

Your boyfriend is essentially your new link to employment, financial security, and housing. And the access to your education if you switch schools.

This gives him a massive amount of control in your life. 

Be smart and keep your own money in a bank account he has zero access to. And don’t tell him how much you have.

 

Post # 14
Member
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@coffeeeee:  all of this.

I don’t think it hurts to give it a shot and see how it works out. But be careful and make sure you have a place to land if shit hits the fan.

Post # 15
Member
9994 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@Mrs..futureaggazi:  

Well,  24 is plenty old enough to leave home and even more to become financially independent . The proposed  set up wth bf plus father does not sound like anything l’d care to do l must say. Apart from the personal discomfort of having his father there ( unless you are celibate with separate bedrooms) it also sounds like another situation where  you are being looked after like a child. 

Why should there be any question about paying your own way if you are working? I think it is time to re-examine your excpectations of adult life dear op. 

 

 

 

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