(Closed) Grief related vent, totally NWR

posted 11 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
307 posts
Helper bee

*hugs*

i dont know what this is like. but i will be praying for you and your family.

Post # 18
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m so very sorry.  Just reading this was heartbreaking, so I can’t begin to imagine what you and your family have been going through.  I agree about the couseling–just having someone else to listen to face to face could help, especially since it sounds like it’s been hard to talk to your friends and family recently.  Take care of yourself, and please feel free to vent here whenever.  We’ll all be thinking of you!

Post # 19
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

That is such a sweet picture of him with the little cat. 🙂

I’m so sorry you have to go through this. What a nightmare. I’ve lost a lot of people; I remember the shock of grief and the “haze” afterwards. I especially remember how hard it was to talk to anyone (when I said my father had been killed, one person said, “Oh.” And he never said anything else!). My friends were much like yours; I think people just don’t know how to handle the grieving.

It’s a blessing that your DH is so supportive. I’m sorry; I know you don’t want any advice… but I do second the recommendations to find a counselor or something to talk to; having an objective person to talk to can be very freeing, and they can offer a different perspective and help you see your way through all the pain, and it can seem less unbearable.

Post # 20
Member
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I have tears in my eyes now.  I’m so sorry that this happened to you and your family.  I don’t know that anything I can say or do will make you feel better, but know that I feel for you and am honoring your brother’s memory tonight.

Hugs.

Post # 21
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Please know that you and your family have my deepest sympathy, and you are in my thoughts and prayers. 

I agree that if you are able to get outside help, please try and find a counselor. But, if that isn’t possible, or you just aren’t comfortable, please know that there are people here who are always willing to listen.

Post # 22
Member
5262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I can’t even describe to you how sorry I am. I know the other Bees will agree when I say you can vent and grieve here anytime you need to. 

Having been on the listening end of a similar situation, I urge you to talk to your husband more. My guess is the look in his eyes is not that he’s heard it all before, but that he hates seeing you in pain. I’m sure it would be really hard for him to hear that you don’t want to burden him. Isn’t that one of the best things about marriage? That you have someone who is there for you in the most intimate way? 

I’ll be thinking of you, and hoping you can find a way to grieve that is right for you. I know it will be overwhelming and hard to handle, but you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. 

Post # 23
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I am so sorry for your loss.  Please talk to someone.  I waited 14 years after the death of my father to speak to a professional about it (finally went at the urging of my fiance).  The insight gained in ONE session with a professional therapist helped me immensely, I wish I had done it years ago, I could have saved myself and those around me so much anguish.  Nothing is going to take away the pain of losing your brother, but talking to someone can give you the skills to cope with it and find some peace. 

Post # 24
Bee
11808 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

I’m so sorry.  I don’t really have advice for you, but I can relate a little.  The only person I could really talk to about my dad dying was my husband (then fiance).  It made most other people uncomfortable–I know exactly what you mean by that look they get on their face when you bring it up. 

Maybe you should see a grief counselor.  Or if you’re religious at all, talk to a priest or whatever.  Just someone that will listen to you and help you figure out what you need to do to properly grieve for your brother. 

Post # 25
Member
336 posts
Helper bee

I’m so sorry.

Something kind of similar happened to my dad in 2002. He went for a walk on the beach (so they say) and somehow died. We don’t know how. Did he black out and hit his head? Did someone hit him in the head with something? We just don’t know. I never talk about it and so writing it makes me cry. I really just wish I knew what happened.

But I am so, so sorry. Nothing like this should ever happen!

Post # 26
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

There are groups for grief support.  My 20 year old cousin lost her dad 2 years ago and I know she goes to a group where there are other people who lost family members.  I think it has helped her a lot.  Maybe you should look into something like that.

Post # 28
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

(((HUGS)))

I’m so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family <3

Post # 29
Member
1045 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2008

I’m so sorry, amandopolis.  I have two brothers, and I know if I lost one of them, the pain would be absolutely unbearable.  I hope you find a grief support group that you like– I know it’s difficult to talk to friends about this sort of stuff because often they want to “help” when all you really need is for someone to listen and comfort you, etc. 

Post # 30
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I remember this happening – I cannot imagine what it was like actually living through it. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope in some way it comforts you to know that we are all hear to listen and support you if need be. Sending *hugs* your way…

Post # 31
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I too am incredibly sorry for your loss. It seems like there are a lot of really big loose ends surrounding his disappearance and death, so it makes sense that it would be hard to work through! I think speaking with a grief counselor is a really good idea on your part; someone who is trained to listen, be supportive and help you work through everything you’re feeling (sadness, confusion, anger, etc.) in a healthy way. I encourage you to talk to your husband as well – maybe he can help you find a grief counselor, or even go to to a few sessions with you so you’d be more comfortable talking.

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