(Closed) grieving wedding and angry that people don’t understand…

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

All of you that miss planning weddings, you wanna plan mine? lol I am sick of “planning” and I want it to be over…

Post # 18
Member
8735 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m sorry you are feeling this way.

It is hard when something you’ve planned for, thought of, dreamed of your whole life is over and done with.

Is there something else you could pour your energy into?

Can you start being a free-lance wedding planner/day-of-coordinator on the side?

Or do some sort of party planning?

Maybe plan a big birthday party for your husband, or start thinking about a 5 or 10 year anniversary party.

Try to look to the future and the amazing times you have ahead rather than focusing on what is done and in the past.

Post # 19
Member
1561 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

“I don’t really want advice or anything that implies I should be over it by now.”

You can’t really dictate what people are going to say.  

Sorry to not be butterflies and rainbows, but it really isn’t normal to be feeling this way 7 months after the wedding.  I would suggest maybe talking to your doctor about it and seeing if perhaps you need to be treated for depression.

Post # 20
Member
8735 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Also, one other thing, Your wedding is one day but your marriage is the rest of your life.

I can’t help but think that 7 months of grieving has to affect your relationship with your DH.

Are you still receiving treatment for your depression? Maybe this is something you need to explore more deeply with a therapist so as not to negatively affect your marriage.

Post # 21
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2009

“I think one of the reasons I’m not over it is b/c I haven’t let myself fully feel the feelings.”

What do you mean by this?  What feelings are you not letting yourself feel?  Remember, that while the DAY is over, the marriage is not.  Try and recreate what you were feeling on your wedding day- joy, excitement, bliss that this is the first day of the rest of your marriage.

Sheesh, that sounds cheesy.  True, though.

Post # 22
Member
10 posts
Newbee

Do you scrapbook?  Maybe put together an engagement and/or wedding scrapbook(s).

Post # 23
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m sorry if this comes off as unsupportive, but I agree that this is not normal.  Maybe your family/friends are not saying it in the nicest way when they say to snap out of it, but I don’t think they are being malicious.  I mean, I understand that a lot of women find themselves with a lot of free time once their weddings are over, and maybe are a little bummed, but I do think you should concentrate on other things because (like someone else said) it can’t be good for your relationship with your husband.  It sounds like you may need to seek help beyond family/friends.  Good luck with everything.

Post # 24
Member
47385 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I hope you are receiving help for your depression. And no, I don’t think you should start a support group for brides who are grieving their wedding.

I hope you are feeling better about things soon. Depression is a life-altering illness.

Post # 25
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

um, what?  Grieving your wedding?  Can’t pull your veils out because it reminds you it’s over?  This is not normal.  I think you should consult with your doctor. 

Post # 26
Bee
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

Post-wedding doldrums are normal, especially for type-A women who love planning and dreaming. But to feel that way 7 months later isn’t normal or healthy. You need to focus on your marriage, not your wedding, and find a new something to keep you occupied. I know nothing probably compares to the dream of planning a wedding since you were a little girl… but life has plenty of other milestones to plan for and lots of amazing things to be involved in. There’s a reason people don’t understand, TBH.

Post # 27
Member
5109 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think everyone goes through that I hope it gets easier for you!!

Post # 30
Member
5495 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I feel a little differently…I was sooooo glad mine was over. haha.

But if I ever miss it, I think of something I need to plan, like a small party, trip, or dinner to keep me busy. It really helps!

I’m sorry you miss it, though.

 

Post # 31
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2011

View original reply
@bridepower: I am going through something similar right now. I pulled out my dress and veil and I was crying tonight. It’s not something I think about a lot, but when I think about my wedding day I cry. When I think about how much time and effort and money went into it and now its just over and so many people never even made it- it just makes me sad. We invited well over 200 people and only 60 people showed. This is mainly because 80% or more of our guests were out of town and, though I understand, it still hurts. Particularly given the fact that I gave them a year and a half’s notice and still managed to come out for my engagement party, Christmas, and my bridal shower. I know these are my parties, but still. I came out 3 times while paying for my own wedding on modest means. And they couldn’t? It’s just hard to understand and it makes me wish I didn’t invest so much money into it. At least I didn’t take any credit card debt on it. But I didn’t even go on a honeymoon. Everything went into the wedding. 4 days later my husband told me how much debt he had and it was substantial. It just felt like I was the only one trying and it hurt. A LOT. It’s getting better, but it still hurts. 

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