(Closed) Gripes: People forcing their own participation in my wedding

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

It can be overwhelming, all the people who come out of the wood work.  But try to have a diplomatic response to everyone.  "That sounds generous.  We’re considering all of our offers."  "That’s a great idea.  Let me think about that."  Some people seem to be self motivated (looking to promote their business, looking for a fun and free evening).  But I bet some other people truly care about you.  Whoever wants to offer to plan your bachelorette…unless it’s her way of weaseling her way into making sure she’s invited when she wouldn’t otherwise be, it sounds like a generous offer.  I’m not saying you need to take her up on it.  I just know that I wouldn’t be offering to do that for someone I didn’t care about. 

The people who thought they should be invited can be a tricky one.  And again you aren’t obligated to invite these folks you aren’t close to.  However, maybe some of them (instead of just being ridiculaous for expecting an invitation) felt closer to you then you did to them. 

Weddings are tricky.  People get jealous or hurt so easily.  But some of the weird energy come from people being happy for you and excited for the wedding.

Post # 4
Member
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Lol. This is funny. Nobody, not even one person, has offered to help me! It would be kind of cool if somebody was like "Oh can I make these for you."

I agree with Tanya, all these weird people you’ve never heard of come out of the wood work wondering if they’re invited.

For example, my fiances sister was out and the wife of one of fiances friends brothers says to her "SO ARE WE INVITED?" … She called to tell the fiance and I was like … who the hell is that? Lol. I don’t even know like 1/2 the people that want to come to our wedding. 

Than my mom, she’s like "Oh so and so will be sooo hurt if you don’t invite them, you were so close to them, don’t you remember ___ and ____ from when you were 5 years old? …  umm mom no …. I don’t remember them… haha. 

 

Post # 5
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Listen to this…

A friend posted pics from our wedding on facebook.  Im looking over the comments.  One girl – that ive never met- comments on every single picture how so many of HER (she actually put it in caps) friends were invited to the wedding.  Then, she sends me a message asking why she wasnt invited.  I guess she knows my husband, but we’ve NEVER MET.  I guess since we know so many of the same people, the assumption was that she would be invited.  WTF?

My point is that people are really delusional.  Just wait until people start making speeches at the actually wedding.  Everyone wants to feel important.  I hate to say this, but its going to get worse the closer you get to the actual wedding.  I actually had people crash – and they didnt bring a gift or card – because they assumed their invite had been lost in the mail…huh…people are delusional…

Post # 6
Member
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Eeek. I don’t do any of those online social networking sites, I hate them. I refuse to participate and I really really hope that nobody I know puts my picture up on theirs EVER.

 

Post # 7
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My fiance has had several people invite themselves to our wedding, even though we haven’t even selected a date. The social networking sites make things far worse, imo. One of fiance’s friend’s wife, who I had yet to meet posted on my page "We can’t wait to go to the wedding." It was so weird.

I would never "assume" I was invited to someone’s wedding.

 

Post # 8
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I’m with MsHymanRoth, I haven’t had anyone offer to help me with anything!

Through this whole process I’ve decided that unless you’ve recently gotten married or are in the process, people are totally and completely clueless when it comes to weddings. More often than not, unfortunately, it comes across as being so incredibly rude. So I tend to just ignore people like that and blame it on ignorance!

Post # 9
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I was engaged once before. My ex left me a week before the wedding. His sister had the nerve to ask me if she could be in my wedding next year since she "never got the chance last time." That’s not my problem. I don’t want her there.

My point is, I wouldn’t worry about who thinks they should be invited, or involved. You have bigger things to worry about. Once you sit down to make a guest list, you initially have the final say. Weddings are expensive.

You’re so lucky to have people who want to help, and I agree. I wouldn’t want a new business to do my wedding, either.

Post # 11
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I hate the whole "well keep up updated" thing….  Wow!  like I have nothing better to do over the next 9 months than update you!  But the people who say that are ususally people who aren’t even invited.  And what is up with the people, like my neighboor  for instance, who when we say "Oh we’re getting married" says something like "Oh Great!!  I’ll bring so-and-so… "  Excuse me?  You’re not even invited… much less whoever so and so is.  I mean – I guess its nice that so many people want to celebrate with us, but realistically… I can’t invite everyone I’ve ever known to my wedding.  And I don’t think that people who are not currently planning their own wedding realize how uncomfortable seemingly small and innocent comments make us brides to be.  I’m not sure the sentence I just typed makes sense…. what I was trying to say, is that people don’t realize the affects their comments have on us…  its something small to them, but it brings up a huge range of emotions for us, because we’re the ones in the middle of everything trying to decide whether we can afford to add one more person and thinking of how we already have to choose between a good friend and a third cousin coming to the wedding.  Ok – I hope this post makes sense… my mind is kinda jumbled right now.  Bottom line – I wish people would stop inviting themselves to my wedding too!!!

Post # 12
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’ve had the same issues of people ‘inviting themselves’. But they will just have to be sad when their invite doesn’t arrive.

Oh, and my FI’s cousin just offered to give me a ‘Passion Party’ Bachelorette. She’s a representative for them. (if you aren’t familiar with Passion Parties- it’s like Tuperware but with sex toys) I was kind of insulted. She knows I’m really not into that kind of public display of…um, dildos So what makes her think she can use that as an excuse to make some money off my friends?

Post # 13
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I’m with you Kola. I’ve had tons of people assume they’re going to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man or that its their job to throw me a shower. I don’t want to sound ungrateful for the help, but since I’m not even inviting them to my wedding– it just seems like a ploy to get an invite. I feel like a total ass because I don’t want to hurt their feelings either.

I would never assume I’m invited to someones wedding, birthday party, shower, etc. It’s so rude to ask "Am I invited?" I swear… weddings bring out the worst in some people & they forget all their manners. lol

 

Post # 14
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Yea it’s pretty annoying how people come out of the woodwork once you get engaged. Especially if you post it on facebook. I’m kind of wishing I hadn’t changed my status to engaged. I had people inviting me out for drinks that I hadn’t seen in forever. I couldn’t help but question why. It could be that they were just happy for me but a part of me thinks it’s because they want to come.

Post # 16
Member
1037 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - Carlouel Yacht Club

Oh for heaven’s sake, this is happening to us all isnt it?  Gosh, I hate that people have just emerged sometimes from the least likely places.  I have a few friends that I haven’t spoken to in years all of a sudden see my engaged status on Facebook or something, and then make comments not to me, but I hear through the grapevine about how they are planning coming to my wedding.  Wait…whatttt?  Granted, I guess I’ll just invite the 1-2 extra people to avoid the drama (for now, thats all it is, and I’m better off just sucking it up with that)…but if it continues to spiral…ahhhh I’ll just have to make some people unhappy.  Oh well!

I also think its hard for some people to understand the cost of weddings…especially if they aren’t married yet!  I am the first of my friends to take the plunge, and I am pretty sure that most of my friend group have no clue how much this is costing me!

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