Post # 1
So my fiance moved half way across the country when he graduated and then proposed and his mom wants to throw me a shower. I dont get along with her great, but i am open to the nice gesture. She has already told all these friends of hers about it and is planning on inviting them though. My fiance doesn’t even know who they are. My question is, is it weird for the groom to attend, or would it be acceptable since i will literally only know his mom and grandma?
We have told her that we arent totally comfortable with her inviting all these people because we have no intention of inviting them to the wedding since 1, its about 900 miles from their location and 2, they aren’t helping pay for the wedding at all. It seems strange to me to accept gifts from people without knowing them or having them really take part!
Post # 2
sarahshara: My FI’s aunt threw us a shower and my Future Mother-In-Law invited numerous friends of theirs to the shower that were not on the wedding invite list… and only chose to tell us the day before that they are coming to the shower and need to be invited to the wedding now.
If your Fiance wants to come, make it a couples shower. Otherwise, I’d just say it was a sweet gesture but not terribly appropriate to ask all these people who wouldn’t be invited to the wedding.
Post # 3
My Fiance and I are having a couples shower (really just a meeting of the families…shower thing).
Showers are weird, and if I haev learned anything at all planning, it’s that everyone does them differently.
Just do your best to sit back and enjoy your party. If Future Mother-In-Law tells you these rando’s need to be invited, tell her they were not on the guest list to begin with. If anyone is going to be embarrassed, it will be her. She can pay for extra heads if she wants them at the wedding.
Post # 4
My Fiance is coming to the shower. In my area, it’s not uncommon for the groom to be there or to come in later when it’s time to open gifts, In fact, I haven’t been to a shower in years that the groom didn’t attend. Totally up to him, though.
And I agree with PP, very inappropriate and rude to invite people not invited to the wedding.
Post # 5
Are the random guests invited to the wedding? If not that is a bit weird. It sounds more like a brag party for her than for you tbh…I don’t think it is inappropriate for a groom to be there, but if I was you i would probably respectfully decline…
Post # 6
sarahshara: A groom attending a bridal shower is definitely different than having a couples shower.
My family is throwing us a couples shower and men, women, and couples are invited to attend. A bridal shower is more “lemonade, fun little sandwiches, cake, ladies day” to me where a couples shower is more a BBQ.
If she wants more a bridal shower, I’d say go by yourself and mingle/get to know her friends/family. If she is inviting other men, Fiance would be welcome.
Post # 7
I’ve been to many many showers in the last few years. In all but one of them the groom was also there. Sometimes he would just show up later though, to open gifts, but he was still there. So I don’t think it’s inappropriate at all to invite the groom.
Post # 8
sarahshara: my husband came to my shower just at the end to pack up the car, but I’ve been to ones where the groom is there to help open gifts too – both work in my opinion as long as he’s comfortable. it’s a big no-no to invite people to a shower that aren’t invited to the wedding, but since you aren’t hosting the shower you can request that she leave those people off the guest list but ultimately she’s the hostess and it’s her call if she wants to seem gift grabby to all of her friends.
Post # 9
Normally the groom would only attend towards the end of the shower, but as you Future Mother-In-Law seems to be throwing etiquette out the window, why not have him come for the entire shower. I would have Fiance stress to her that these people are NOT invited to the wedding under any circumstance prior to her sending out invites to the shower. It’s a nice gesture and she is excited for sure, but her bad manners of inviting guests to a shower that are not invited to the wedding is only going to end up reflecting poorly on you and Fiance.
Post # 10
My Fiance was at mine, but only because so few people were coming and there was food to be eaten!
Post # 11
TXbride2015: did you end up inviting the people to the wedding that his aunt invited to the shower?? I HATE being rude and do not want the people invited to assume they are also invited to the wedding, but i honestly don’t even know her list. She is wanting her whole group from her mega church to be there. I would rather have Fiance talk to his mom about it than for these rando people to expect an invite.
Post # 12
I will say that I have been invited to a wedding shower but not the actual wedding and I was kinda peeved. I can just imagine these people getting irritated. I’d say put your foot down!
Post # 13
SomethingNovel: thats part of my concern! I wouldnt want someone to basically ask me for a gift and not even invite me to share in their special day!
Post # 14
sarahshara: In some circles the mother invites all her friends and coworkers and stuff. This might be the culture with her church. It’s super weird to me and would be so uncomfortable, but I know it is done so her church friends might not think it’s rude. I would just be very clear that your guest list for the wedding is set and you will not be adding in all her friends. If she still thinks it’s ok to invite them to the shower, assume it is. If she suddenly decides later that you “have to” invite them to the wedding because she invited them to the shower you can remind her you had this discussion already.
As for the groom– it sounds like she’s throwing a ladies shower, in which case I would be really surprised to see the groom there (unless it was just to open presents). You can lean on the tradition that the brides’ mother, sisters and bridesmaids are invited to every shower though. If one or more of them can come, you’d at least have support. But you did need to mingle with whoever shows up even though it’s awkward. These people will be bringing you presents even though they don’t even know you! That’s pretty nice! Those are some pretty good friends to have, right? 🙂
Post # 15
It is not mandatory for the groom to attend but it is not weird either, especially if your Future Mother-In-Law is throwing the shower.