(Closed) Groom attending bridal shower? MIL inviting random people?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1179 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

sarahshara:  My FI’s aunt threw us a shower and my Future Mother-In-Law invited numerous friends of theirs to the shower that were not on the wedding invite list… and only chose to tell us the day before that they are coming to the shower and need to be invited to the wedding now.

If your Fiance wants to come, make it a couples shower. Otherwise, I’d just say it was a sweet gesture but not terribly appropriate to ask all these people who wouldn’t be invited to the wedding.

Post # 3
Member
1308 posts
Bumble bee

My Fiance and I are having a couples shower (really just a meeting of the families…shower thing).  

Showers are weird, and if I haev learned anything at all planning, it’s that everyone does them differently.

Just do your best to sit back and enjoy your party.  If Future Mother-In-Law tells you these rando’s need to be invited, tell her they were not on the guest list to begin with.  If anyone is going to be embarrassed, it will be her.  She can pay for extra heads if she wants them at the wedding.

 

Post # 4
Member
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My Fiance is coming to the shower. In my area, it’s not uncommon for the groom to be there or to come in later when it’s time to open gifts, In fact, I haven’t been to a shower in years that the groom didn’t attend. Totally up to him, though.

 

And I agree with PP, very inappropriate and rude to invite people not invited to the wedding.

Post # 5
Member
555 posts
Busy bee

Are the random guests invited to the wedding? If not that is a bit weird. It sounds more like a brag party for her than for you tbh…I don’t think it is inappropriate for a groom to be there, but if I was you i would probably respectfully decline…

Post # 6
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

sarahshara:  A groom attending a bridal shower is definitely different than having a couples shower.

My family is throwing us a couples shower and men, women, and couples are invited to attend. A bridal shower is more “lemonade, fun little sandwiches, cake, ladies day” to me where a couples shower is more a BBQ.

If she wants more a bridal shower, I’d say go by yourself and mingle/get to know her friends/family. If she is inviting other men, Fiance would be welcome.

Post # 7
Member
6865 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

I’ve been to many many showers in the last few years. In all but one of them the groom was also there. Sometimes he would just show up later though, to open gifts, but he was still there. So I don’t think it’s inappropriate at all to invite the groom. 

Post # 8
Member
8629 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

sarahshara:  my husband came to my shower just at the end to pack up the car, but I’ve been to ones where the groom is there to help open gifts too – both work in my opinion as long as he’s comfortable. it’s a big no-no to invite people to a shower that aren’t invited to the wedding, but since you aren’t hosting the shower you can request that she leave those people off the guest list but ultimately she’s the hostess and it’s her call if she wants to seem gift grabby to all of her friends. 

Post # 9
Member
2804 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Normally the groom would only attend towards the end of the shower, but as you Future Mother-In-Law seems to be throwing etiquette out the window, why not have him come for the entire shower. I would have Fiance stress to her that these people are NOT invited to the wedding under any circumstance prior to her sending out invites to the shower. It’s a nice gesture and she is excited for sure, but her bad manners of inviting guests to a shower that are not invited to the wedding is only going to end up reflecting poorly on you and Fiance. 

Post # 10
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

My Fiance was at mine, but only because so few people were coming and there was food to be eaten!

Post # 12
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I will say that I have been invited to a wedding shower but not the actual wedding and I was kinda peeved. I can just imagine these people getting irritated. I’d say put your foot down!

Post # 14
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

sarahshara:  In some circles the mother invites all her friends and coworkers and stuff. This might be the culture with her church. It’s super weird to me and would be so uncomfortable, but I know it is done so her church friends might not think it’s rude. I would just be very clear that your guest list for the wedding is set and you will not be adding in all her friends. If she still thinks it’s ok to invite them to the shower, assume it is. If she suddenly decides later that you “have to” invite them to the wedding because she invited them to the shower you can remind her you had this discussion already. 

As for the groom– it sounds like she’s throwing a ladies shower, in which case I would be really surprised to see the groom there (unless it was just to open presents). You can lean on the tradition that the brides’ mother, sisters and bridesmaids are invited to every shower though. If one or more of them can come, you’d at least have support. But you did need to mingle with whoever shows up even though it’s awkward. These people will be bringing you presents even though they don’t even know you! That’s pretty nice! Those are some pretty good friends to have, right? 🙂

Post # 15
Member
824 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

It is not mandatory for the groom to attend but it is not weird either, especially if your Future Mother-In-Law is throwing the shower. 

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