- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
So, Fiance and I used to never fight. We only saw one another on the weekends, and there just wasn’t much to fight about… We moved in together, and… naturally, now we fight.
I never really saw this part of him- but there are just periods of time where he is a dick. (example: this morning I got up 2 1/2 hours before him (i’m off today and he goes in late afternoon)- I was quiet for 2 hours and just enjoyed my morning- then I wanted to start getting things done… in the process he yells out “Are you just TRYING to be loud… or what?” I opened a door near the bedroom- and he is a light sleeper- but I can’t walk around the house and be completely silent- his snide little remarks just drive me nuts). I don’t talk about work much at all- but it’s been a BAD week- I was telling him about something (not a long story- whole thing lasted like 3-5 min) and he literally stopped listening- i noticed and just stopped mid-story/sentence- and he didn’t even notice. I listen to his work stories allllllllllllll the time (seriously, everday- he has work stuff to talk about,,, can you believe she did this…. i can’t believe how dumb so and so is….).
He hurts my feelings, and when I tell him what he said makes me mad/hurt my feelings- he gets 10x mad and all huffy. He acts like I’m so ridiculous for telling him when things bother me. Then he just leaves and/or walks away “I’m not discussing this, I’m not fighting over something so stupid” . I realize his little comment this morning was stupid- but I’ve had an AWFUL week at work and I’m just OVER everything right now- Besides, It’s not THAT stupid- YOU HURT MY FEELINGS. I don’t say something everytime, but I get to the point where I am done and I need to say something.
I know I probably need to grow a thicker skin with him- but, 1) I’m not used to him being a jackass to me- he NEVER did this pre-engagement AT ALL EVER and 2) He has to undersand, I don’t just leave a situation and get happy again— I’m upset and the longer it goes the more I get upset.
Like right now, After he got up and thought it was sooooo funny that he told me i was being loud this morning- I told him I didn’t appreciate it at all…. I wasn’t trying to be loud- i was taking out the effing trash and feeding the dog. I had to open the door near where he was sleeping- the dog was starving and I was sick of the trash sitting out. He got all mad and stomped back into the bedroom and then left without saying goodbye. IDK where he went- but I’m just sick of him being mean and then just leaving me when I’m upset.
I’ve told him many times that it makes me more upset when he just leaves- He is the kind of person that will be just fine… Go to bed when he’s mad and wake up and he’ll be fine. I CANNOT do that. I don’t sleep well- I’ll lay there and cry and get more and more upset– I’ve asked him to try to understand my side- and atleast TRY to compromise- which always just gets me empty words. I went through an entire relationship of empty words- so I don’t even accept that. He knows it but this is what kills me he’ll say “what do I need to say to make you stop being mad right now…” That always makes me SO Much more upset b/c he doesn’t even really care that I’m hurt- just “tell me what to say to shut you up” is how I take that…. he doesn’t even mean what he says to “shut me up”
We HAVE to learn to compromise on this- he doesn’t understand how much his little remarks hurt my feelings. and then getting mad at me when I say something about it…. isn’t fair!!!! We have to learn how to fight with one another. B/c right now I feel like he’s the bully in the house and just gets to get angry, turn into the hulk and stomp around and I’m supposed to just deal with everything on my own and be done with being upset by the time he is.
Anyone have any suggestions????
I’m sorry, I’ve honestly had an AWFUL week at work- I’m super stressed out with work (not to mention the wedding that is a month and one week away!) and when I’ve tried to talk to him- he’s been pretty unreceptive – which is turning me super emotional!!! I’m over his fighting style- and he really doesn’t seem to care.