Post # 17
thank you everyone for your encouraging words. I am glad that I could be his backbone through all this. He has had a really crappy childhood and an even tougher relationship with his mom. Its taken us a long time to figure out how to be a team and do things together and be supportive. I am proud of him for stepping out of his box and trying to find his own way with our without the support from his mom.
I am dredding the day he tells her about all this. They havent spoken in over 2 weeks over another issue and he doesnt want her to feel like he went and foudn his dad because they are having problems. so he is waiting until the smoke clears to tell her. I know either way she is goign to belittle him and turn it into all about her like she always does. I hope for his sake, she just keeps her opinion to herself. She has doen enough damage in his life.
Post # 18
I think it’s amazing how supportive you are being. I think it sounds like he already has his mind made up, so he must know about the repercussions with his mom. I think she was totally unfair to keep him apart from his real father. That is so sad, all those years gone because of her. If anything, he should be upset with her, not the other way around just because he wants to change his name back!! Even if something happened between his mother and father, she had no right to keep him from his real father. I’m sure she will be upset, but if she really loves him, she will get over it. He deserves to have his father in his life, that’s not her decision to make. And I totally see his point, I’d rather have my real fathers’ name than another man that I didn’t even know, especially now that they are building a relationship together. I think he’s making the right decision.
Post # 19
It makes perfect sense to me after your explanations. Especially if he and his dad are having a close relationship.
Yeah, you guys are gonna have to brace yourselves, but in the end, it’ll be the right thing i think!
I know my SIL was grateful to get married and shed her dad’s last name (she’s always been angry about the way he left)
Post # 20
He is really upset with his mom. She had had a history of just leaving husbands and moving onto the next. When he found out from his dad that she cheated and thats the reason they split and she told him that he wasnt his kid, it really angered him. He feels really betrayed by her and he is tryign to keep his distance until he can sort out his emotions. I cant stand his mom, she is rude, manipulative and controlling and she had no respect for other people and their feelings, not just her kids. But I refuse to let my opinion ruin his family or their relationships. She is his mom and nothing i feel will change that and i dont want to hurt his feelings by telling him how much I despise his mom. I just have to stay neutral and be there when he needs me to be. but man would i LOVE to tell her off! haha.
His dad is very warm and calm and a very welcomign person. VERY different from his mom. I hope that this will be a healthy happy relationship between father/son. It will be so good for him.
Post # 21
Only he can decide what is best for him to do. If he wants to change his name to his original birth name, than you need to support him. But I think he really needs to think about that. Why did his dad leave? Does the name have a sort of meaning to him? It has never been who is was, so why is it now? These are things he should probably think about. You said that they get along great now and are having a relationship, which is really good. If he feels like he has finally has a family and belongs somewhere than he should do it. His mom may freak, but it really isn’t her decision to make and what does it matter to her? Her kids all have different last names!