(Closed) Groom doesn't know if he wants his foster parents involved..

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It sounds like he’s having some understandable emotional issues.  I would just leave him alone for a while and then discuss it.  You have a year so it’s not like you need to rush him.  That being said on your part I think you need to do whatever you can to protect his foster parent’s feelings.  If he decides he doesn’t want his foster father to toast then maybe you all can do something different at the reception to involve them.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
Member
3078 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@silkspectre94:  If your date is correct you guys have almost a year to figure all of this out.  During the course of planning our wedding Fiance and I have come to realize how important our family is to us and how much we care about them.  I used to be really weird about my step mom being involved with things but now I am so excited to include her in everything.  Let it be for a while.  Give him some time.  I’m sure eventually he will come around.  Good luck!!

Post # 5
Member
3078 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@OctBride-2012:  If he decides he doesn’t want his foster father to toast then maybe you all can do something different at the reception to involve them.  ๐Ÿ™‚

This is a great idea!

Post # 7
Member
2778 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Well my Fiance has a foster dad and hes going to be involved, and he calls his foster brothers and sisters, his brothers and sisters and his foster dad, dad.  I really don’t get it but I don’t judge it either I didn’t grow up like that.  And they are lovely people. ๐Ÿ™‚  His mother is the one he doesn’t want to involve but she will be involved in some of the things because she is his birth mother and they are on speaking terms.  So I have kinda had to force on issue on that (even though we don’t exactly get along that well with her either, its not that we don’t get along its just eh.)  Like she will be involved in the rehersal dinner even though he was resistant.  I pointed out that my father has never met her and the whole point is for the families to get to know each other so he kinda backed off and let it be.  Maybe you can put it that way that your parents would like to get to know the people that helped raise him a little better?

Sometimes I feel bad that if we have kids his side of the family is so fractured.  But whatever.  I would just tell him that maybe he should include this foster family even just a little so they feel included.  He doesn’t have to call them mom or dad or anything just be nice and courteous since they did take him in.  Yes his other families didn’t work out but thats no reason to turn away the one that loved you and took care of you.  Don’t press on the issue but just say hey why don’t we just involved them on this one thing?  I’m sure they have been looking forward to being involved and they have never been anything but kind to us why don’t we show them the same in return?

Post # 9
Member
2778 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@silkspectre94:  That’s too bad.  FI has never met his biological dad.  I think its a good idea to involve them in the planning and if he doesn’t want to call them mom and dad see if hes still willing to welcome them to the family in another capacity.  Like in the context of the people who took care of me kind of thing.  For example see if he would be okay with them being mentioned in a way such as letting your dad say to them and thank you for helping raise such a great boy for my daughter or something like that.  It doesn’t have to be a they aren’t my parents so they get no say sort of thing.  It’s just not a black and white situation. :/

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