(Closed) Groom Gloom

posted 11 years ago in Grooms/men
  • poll: Have you clashed with your groom on your wedding vision?




  • Post # 3
    255 posts
    Helper bee

    My groom-to-be is very similar in his outlook. We had to sit down and talk about what parts of the wedding were the most important to each of us – the things he really cared about were

    a. the actual ceremony and its significance to us

    b. the music at reception (*rolls eyes*)

    So he is getting to rule the roost about those issues, and I get to organise colours/wedding party/stationary blah blah blah (read: everything else). We both still have opinions on each others areas and we’re taking each other into consideration but it has really helped us to establish boundaries.

    What we found most difficult was the guest list – get that out of the way sooner rather than later so you can ENJOY everything else!

    Good luck 🙂

    Post # 4
    222 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Mine is impossible. Granted we’re having a destination wedding because most of his family lives overseas but we are doing the BARE MINIMUM there.

    Post # 5
    96 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I find myself to be more like your groom. I can’t stand much of the wedding industry crap. I can’t stand watching Bridezilla or Say Yes To The Dress. It makes me hate women.  I hate and am embarrassed by the notion that we will be everyone’s focus, and I hate asking for gifts when I’m gainfully employed in my thirties. If he’s like me, he is probably uncomfortable at his own birthday parties.

    What’s helped me through this is the realization that my bride-to-be also can’t stand the overzealous, selfish brides and the wedding industry B.S. that is killing a pretty special day with all sorts distractions and extras. I just needed to know that she also found all of that horrifying.  She reminded me that there isn’t a magazine/messageboard/TV show etc. market for reasonable people.  So make sure he knows you have no option but the traditional publications as a place to start.

    I cared most about the ceremony, what I was going to be wearing and the music (ceremony and reception).  And I care a lot about trying to be a gracious host, since I’m uncomfortable with being the center of attention. Being a part of the planning process for those things really helped me understand what my fiance was going through and how many decisions needed to be made. Knowing that a million decisions need to be made helped me understand why she had to spend so much time reading the traditional publications and watching terrible wedding programming on TV.

    You could also get him on board with the idea that he could help fashion the day by reading these publications and finding out what he hates, why, and how he’s going to make his day different.  I hate traditional wedding boutonnieres. It was going through the traditional wedding publications that solidified my opinion and convinced my fiance that a giant dead bird on my lapel just wasn’t going to be my understated style at all.

    In other words, he can use the traditional publications as a way to identify stuff he hates, and how he’s going to be different from the masses.  And you can use it as an opportunity to show him the stuff you can’t stand, and how you’re gonna be different from the brides he’s horrified by.

    Post # 6
    860 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I love “Say Yes to the Dress” and all of those other wedding shows and bridal mags, but I think it is just the type A planner in me.  I actually cringe at the amount of money being spent and have been told to “stop being so cheap.” lol

    Anyway, Fiance wants things a bit more formal than I do.  He also comes from a very large family that have a “the more the merrier” attitude with respect to guests.  I’d like something smaller and more relaxed.

    His parents are paying for the majority of the wedding, and money definitely comes with strings.  I can’t really tell them not to invite their friends and distant relatives unless we decline their money.

    Post # 7
    96 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    So what I’m saying is that we didn’t really clash in our wedding vision at all—but I was still being unnecessarily opinionated about the “Wedding Industry.”  Maybe he’s doing the same thing—knee-jerk reaction to everything like I did, when I really had nothing at all to worry about.  Maybe then he won’t be such a buzzkill on your wedding stuff 🙂

    Post # 8
    2206 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    We totally started off this way. Part of it is that his family has crazy marriage history, so he was reluctant about making a big deal about it. He’s also ambivalent about the legal institution of marriage (not commitment to me, just the institution). On top of this, and this will sound goofy, but he kept rejecting my color schemes! So he: 1) didn’t want to make a big deal about it, 2) was ambivalent, and 3) cared enough to have an opinion about color schemes (yeah, WTF?).

    The turn for him was when I made some concessions in terms of style that helped him see what an awesome party this was going to be. On top of that, we’ve both put a lot of work into our relationship while planning. We’re actually closer now. He is still having the wedding to make me happy, but he is also now totally stoked. In fact, he won’t stop inviting people, even with less than three weeks to go.

    I think the key is to let him know how important some of this is to you, but to also make a few concessions to fit with his style.

    Post # 9
    136 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    My groom and I have clashed because we’re BOTH interested in wedding stuff… He’s more traditional than I am, so we’re having to compromise on some stuff, like I get to have my colored shoes, but he gets matching bridesmaid dresses (he thought letting every Bridesmaid or Best Man pick her own dress, even if it was the same length and color from the same designer was “tacky”), and so on.

    For us, wedding planning has been practice in compromise for the marriage as a whole! 🙂

    Post # 11
    62 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Oh my man is such a romantic–and weirdly traditional about certain wedding things. For instance:

    Me: I don’t think we need favors. Why spend money on something they don’t really want?

    Him: Well… we have to give them a little something, right?

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