- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2015
This is my first post as I just recently got engaged after living with my partner for a number of years. I could really do with some advice on how to create the guest list without causing any family disputes or problems.
My FI and I have both always said that we wanted a small wedding, however now that we are talking about actual numbers I have discovered that my idea of small would be about 50-60 guests, his idea of small is 20. I can see this leading to problems already as he is not close to his extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins etc) so would have no problem in not inviting them, whereas my family are very tight-knit and I am particularly close to most of my uncles and my aunt and so I would hate to not have them there. My family also originally come from outwith the UK- I have close family still living there and I grew up there before moving to the UK, my dream has always been to get married there. This causes further problems as I have more friends and family over there who would be incredibly upset if I were to get married there and not invite them but getting married there makes it even less likely that my FI’s extended family will attend or that he and his parents would feel comfortable inviting them to a wedding that is abroad.
I’m really at a loss what to do. My FI would like for only our immediate family to come but I feel that I could maybe end up regretting that as there are certain members of my extended family who I would really like to have there. My family is so tight-knit with each other that I couldn’t invite certain aunts/uncles/cousins without inviting them all (even those who I really don’t particularly like as they are catty and money-orientated) but doing that could leave my FI’s family feeling swamped or uncomfortable. If I was to have the wedding in the UK then we could have an intimate ceremony during the day and then invite certain family members including my FI’s extended family in the evening but I feel like I would be making a huge sacrifice by not getting married in a place that means so much to me and where both my partner and I have always said we would get married.
Has anyone else had a similar problem or have any advice on how to overcome this? We’ve only just gotten engaged and I really want to enjoy planning my wedding, not stress over the logistics and family politics!