(Closed) Groom Not Standing Behind Me on Guestlist we Devised Together

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Have you talked to your fiance about how you’ll pay for more guests, if he’s okay with them being there?  

Post # 4
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Fiance and I have had this fight before. Only until an actual wedding planner laid down the business to a whole group about this with Fiance in attendance did he understand this.

My point is…I told him that we wanted to keep this wedding small and if he just INSISTS that everyone should be able to bring a random guest, YOU can pay for the plate! That made him pause.

I’m with you all the way on this one. No ring, no bring.

Post # 5
Member
3691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Are you going to call those people and tell them you can’t accommodate their guest?  I can’t believe they would assume it was ok to bring random people to your wedding.

Post # 6
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I completely understand. We also invited around 50 and are hoping for 40 max. Luckily, almost all of our guests are married or in serious, longterm relationships. Only two people are single so we are fine with them bringing whoever they want. If it were more than this though I wouldn’t want a bunch of strangers at my small, intimate wedding either. I would just tell your Fiance that you both already agreed to the terms of the guestlist and that if he had a problem with it he should have spoken up earlier. Too bad, so sad.

Post # 9
Member
3691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@Overjoyed:  You might have to stop being nice at that point and flat out say, “No, so-and-so cannot come to my wedding.  I invited you alone.”  If they can’t respect that, I wouldn’t worry about losing them as a friend.  Because they were a shitty one to begin with.

Post # 11
Member
3211 posts
Sugar bee

@Overjoyed:  I completely understand where you are coming from!

My wedding was supposed to be family only to avoid the runaway guest list. All the younger family members (teens and 20s) are either married, engaged, or single. We gave no +1s to the single people (only two) because we had to cut it off at engaged, neither of the single ladies are dating anyone, and it is supposed to be family only. We got our guest list down to 33 and then all of a sudden, his parents’ neighbors are coming! ALL of them with NO formal invitation. Our issue came with FH’s best friend/neighbor and whether he was going to bring his girlfriend or not. We compromised with no friends but somehow Future Mother-In-Law worked it so the neighbor will “just happen to be in town” from St. Louis during the weekend of the wedding. I’ve just given up on this. If the girlfriend shows up, I will not be bothered, if she doesn’t then oh well. She’s one of those (similar to me) who might be offended at not coming along with her boyfriend.

I completely put my foot down at the thought of his other neighbor’s son’s girlfriend though. I like her enough but have only met her once. It’s not fair that we couldn’t have our friends come but some girl who’s date wasn’t even invited to my wedding gets to come. Heck no.

I think you’ll just have to make the hard decisions. Decide if you have room for your budget. I completely understand. It is not fair that these strangers get to come to our weddings but not all of our friends!

Post # 12
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Well a thread or 2 like this seem to be here every day.  The Bee seems quite divided on this.  For me, it’s +1s for all.  Who are you to say someone’s relation ship is more important than someone elses.  If you wanted 40 people should ahve invited 20.  I know it’s not what you want to hear, but for common courtesy I think that’s what stands, at least for me.

Post # 13
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Overjoyed:  Ding ding ding. You’ve got the crux of the problem. They’re single.

People who are or have planned a wedding understand the numbers crunch. Man, even 3 years ago I was very ignorant to wedding etiquette. Feeding people at wedding ain’t cheap and it isn’t getting cheaper.

I would call them and clarify about your venue (the boat) being way too small for all of that nonsense, which is why you cannot give everyone a plus one. You would love to, blah blah, but you cannot.

Post # 14
Member
1113 posts
Bumble bee

OP, I’m having the same kind of thing happen to me. Our RSVP cutoff was yesterday, and several people have said they are BRINGING their SO/friend, etc. What!?!??! So angry. Oh well…

Post # 15
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

 Did you send out invites already?  It’s going to be a pain in the arse to deal with this stuff until September.  I was going to say just tell them that the names have already been submitted because by law you need all names for the manifast…. but you have alot of time. 

I’d just keep explaining to people the reasons, and I would throw cost in there as one of the reasons.  People understand that much more than we want an intimate affair.  

We had the same problem, but ours was cost.  After a few discussions and explaining to Darling Husband that his 16year old cousin could come but not her two friends from school …. it finally sunk in.  Keep talking to your Fiance you do have some time to get him on board. 

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