Post # 17
@HisMoon: I read more, men can (this wasn’t here years ago, yay for progress!) assume a name, but it looks like some ID people can be assholes:
A husband may assume the last name of the bride if he so desires. As it is not traditionally recognized for the groom to assume the bride’s last name, he may have problems with some organizations that will not recognize this change. An option available to the groom is to have a legal change of name processed. This service is available through a registry agent. Note that a legal change of name will change the groom’s name on his birth certificate.
Post # 18
I feel neutral about it. Whatever people want to do. My sister wants to do this in a hypothetical future marriage.
It wouldn’t be an option for us. I’ll be taking my FI’s last name, but also using my last name for business since I’m established in my career (like Hillary Rodham Clinton).
Post # 19
I know of a couple who combined their last names. For example, O’Connor and Johnson could become Conson. I think it’s cute if the names go together ok.
Post # 20
I voted “neutral”. Whatever floats your boat!
Post # 21
My Fiance suggested it. It is debatable. We havent made a decision either way. I think everyone has a right to do what they want. If someone is going to judge a couple or the husband specifically for choosing to take his wife’s name than that is sad and unfortunate.
Post # 22
I’m pleasantly surprised at the amount of positive responses this has gotten!
It’s something Fiance and I are considering. Before I posted this, we were sort of feeling like we were just about the only people in the world to consider this idea, and that it could elicit a big backlash because it would just be too “out there” for most people. Now I’m feeling more optimistic Thanks, bees!
FI’s used to going his own way and shrugging off others’ judgement, but I still worry sometimes that we’ll (mostly he’ll) be heavily judged, to the point where it could annoy us and make me feel guilty for drawing mockery toward him (as well as angry that my name is being used to hurt my husband). I don’t want to “demasculate” my husband… not that that’s really possible, but I don’t want to set him up to be heavily criticized and have to constantly defend his choice. WB is giving me hope that harsh criticism might actually be very minimal. I think guys might have stronger negative opinions on this issue though (or maybe not?)
On the other hand, I also figure that once we’re married for a while, nobody new we meet will know where our last name came from, so they wouldn’t harrass him about it. Whatever drama people create around it (if any) would probably be short-lived.
Post # 23
Definitely refreshing, it makes a nice change. It takes a guy with guts to do it too. A classmate of mine who got married just over a week ago did this, but there was a story behind it. The name he had was his step dad’s who he’s no longer close to and everyone else on his side of the family has a different last name to him anyway, so it made sense to take his SO’s name as it made him feel a part of a familty again. Their two children also took her name.
I wish more people would do this. It seems ridiculous that it absolutely HAS to be the guy’s name every time. I mean why the hell not?
Post # 24
I don’t understand why this is offensive to the man’s parents? How is it any more offensive than a woman changing her name?
We aren’t doing this because both of our last names are terrible, and his is dying out, so I am keeping mine and our kids will have his.
Post # 25
I hate to say, I would question the state of the man’s balls. I am adding his on to mine, most likely, because I like the older Spanish tradition of adding “de hislastname” after my maiden one. That way, I am “firstname middlename daughterofname wifeofname.”
@lotto: That is a good question. To me, it would be a bit more of an affront to the husband, since the wife would rather honor her father than her husband.
Post # 26
I like it. Why should it be automatic that the girl drops her last name and takes the guy? It’s a tradition, but nobody questions it. It’s like when someone goes “BE A MAN!” to a guy, and he caves and does whatever stupid thing it is just because someone uttered these magic words. Nobody thinks about it, and just assumes he’s not being A MAN if he does it. It’s ridiculous.
And yeah, it shouldn’t be offensive to the man’s parents. It might be, but they’re just steeped in pointless tradition.
When my fiance and I started dating, we went to two friends’ wedding. He took her last name. My fiance scoffed at the whole “she has him whipped” thing. WHICH… in that case, was totally true. lol. He’s totally whipped, and she’s totally “wearing the pants”, as it were… but in theory, I don’t know what the problem is and I’m sick of the assumption that just because I’m a chick, I have to drop my name and just take his.
My name counts too, and is just as important as his 😐
Post # 27
@Chaoslight: I don’t know if it is an affront. IMO in a marriage the man and the female are equal partners. I do not follow the idea that I must take his last name and if I do not than I am dishonoring him. I have had my last name for several years and with it have I have created a career and finished school. If I would want to keep it, I don’t think it would be a bad thing. I mean if we look back at history and the origin behind woman having their names changed, I do not necessarily support that. I am not property and I will not “obey” my husband. With that being said, he ASKED to take my name and who am I to tell him no.
I think it is unfair to assume that a man who changes his last name is “whipped” or is lacking “balls”. That is to assume that the female demanded him to take her name or outright refused to take his. I think that this subject is being looked at very limitedly. I also think in general, our culture and upbringing directly effect how we shape marriage. I grew up in the Catholic church as did my Fiance and I am sure his father won’t like if he were to change his last name, but it is our life and our marriage.
Post # 28
@miss narwhal: +1.
My FH is taking my last name. He is the one who suggested it. We’re both feminists, so he was completely open to the idea of taking my name, instead of the other way around. It’s a way to honor my father and grandfather, especially because I only have one male cousin in the entire family who would continue the family name.
Post # 30
@miss narwhal: To each their own. I simply shared the way I would perceive it.
Post # 31
This should make genealogy searches more interesting in the future lol…