(Closed) Groom taking bride's last name

posted 7 years ago in Names
  • poll: What do you think of a groom taking the bride's last name upon marriage? -choose as many as you like
    A bad sign...seems like the man is "whipped" and the woman is too dominant : (79 votes)
    12 %
    Refreshing! I like it when people do unconventional things that make as much sense as the convention : (120 votes)
    18 %
    I'm curious... I assume there's a story behind it : (102 votes)
    15 %
    "Feminism" run amok : (66 votes)
    10 %
    Highly offensive to the groom's parents : (38 votes)
    6 %
    The groom must have had a terrible sounding last name : (92 votes)
    14 %
    I'm PUMPED! Way to help weaken a tradition that's really just a subtle form of antiquated patriarchy : (79 votes)
    12 %
    Sad. I really like the tradition, just because it's a tradition, despite the inequality to it : (70 votes)
    10 %
    A bit envious. I wish I had done this. : (27 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 17
    Member
    10649 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    @HisMoon:  I read more, men can (this wasn’t here years ago, yay for progress!) assume a name, but it looks like some ID people can be assholes:

    A husband may assume the last name of the bride if he so desires. As it is not traditionally recognized for the groom to assume the bride’s last name, he may have problems with some organizations that will not recognize this change. An option available to the groom is to have a legal change of name processed. This service is available through a registry agent. Note that a legal change of name will change the groom’s name on his birth certificate.

    Post # 18
    Member
    899 posts
    Busy bee

    I feel neutral about it. Whatever people want to do. My sister wants to do this in a hypothetical future marriage. 

    It wouldn’t be an option for us. I’ll be taking my FI’s last name, but also using my last name for business since I’m established in my career (like Hillary Rodham Clinton). 

    Post # 19
    Member
    10649 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I know of a couple who combined their last names.  For example, O’Connor and Johnson could become Conson.  I think it’s cute if the names go together ok.

    Post # 20
    Member
    1297 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I voted “neutral”. Whatever floats your boat!

    Post # 21
    Member
    1257 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    My Fiance suggested it. It is debatable. We havent made a decision either way. I think everyone has a right to do what they want. If someone is going to judge a couple or the husband specifically for choosing to take his wife’s name than that is sad and unfortunate.

    Post # 23
    Member
    384 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Definitely refreshing, it makes a nice change. It takes a guy with guts to do it too. A classmate of mine who got married just over a week ago did this, but there was a story behind it. The name he had was his step dad’s who he’s no longer close to and everyone else on his side of the family has a different last name to him anyway, so it made sense to take his SO’s name as it made him feel a part of a familty again. Their two children also took her name.

    I wish more people would do this. It seems ridiculous that it absolutely HAS to be the guy’s name every time. I mean why the hell not?

    Post # 24
    Member
    757 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I don’t understand why this is offensive to the man’s parents? How is it any more offensive than a woman changing her name? 

    We aren’t doing this because both of our last names are terrible, and his is dying out, so I am keeping mine and our kids will have his.

    Post # 25
    Member
    335 posts
    Helper bee

    I hate to say, I would question the state of the man’s balls.  I am adding his on to mine, most likely, because I like the older Spanish tradition of adding “de hislastname” after my maiden one.  That way, I am “firstname middlename daughterofname wifeofname.”

    @lotto: That is a good question. To me, it would be a bit more of an affront to the husband, since the wife would rather honor her father than her husband.

    Post # 26
    Member
    966 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    I like it. Why should it be automatic that the girl drops her last name and takes the guy? It’s a tradition, but nobody questions it. It’s like when someone goes “BE A MAN!” to a guy, and he caves and does whatever stupid thing it is just because someone uttered these magic words. Nobody thinks about it, and just assumes he’s not being A MAN if he does it. It’s ridiculous. 

    And yeah, it shouldn’t be offensive to the man’s parents. It might be, but they’re just steeped in pointless tradition. 

    When my fiance and I started dating, we went to two friends’ wedding. He took her last name. My fiance scoffed at the whole “she has him whipped” thing. WHICH… in that case, was totally true. lol. He’s totally whipped, and she’s totally “wearing the pants”, as it were… but in theory, I don’t know what the problem is and I’m sick of the assumption that just because I’m a chick, I have to drop my name and just take his. 

    My name counts too, and is just as important as his 😐  

    Post # 27
    Member
    1257 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @Chaoslight:  I don’t know if it is an affront. IMO in a marriage the man and the female are equal partners. I do not follow the idea that I must take his last name and if I do not than I am dishonoring him. I have had my last name for several years and with it have I have created a career and finished school. If I would want to keep it, I don’t think it would be a bad thing. I mean if we look back at history and the origin behind woman having their names changed, I do not necessarily support that. I am not property and I will not “obey” my husband. With that being said, he ASKED to take my name and who am I to tell him no. 

    I think it is unfair to assume that a man who changes his last name is “whipped” or is lacking “balls”. That is to assume that the female demanded him to take her name or outright refused to take his. I think that this subject is being looked at very limitedly. I also think in general, our culture and upbringing directly effect how we shape marriage. I grew up in the Catholic church as did my Fiance and I am sure his father won’t like if he were to change his last name, but it is our life and our marriage.

    Post # 28
    Member
    403 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @miss narwhal:  +1.

    My FH is taking my last name. He is the one who suggested it. We’re both feminists, so he was completely open to the idea of taking my name, instead of the other way around. It’s a way to honor my father and grandfather, especially because I only have one male cousin in the entire family who would continue the family name.

    Post # 30
    Member
    335 posts
    Helper bee

    @miss narwhal:  To each their own.  I simply shared the way I would perceive it.

    Post # 31
    Member
    2022 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    This should make genealogy searches more interesting in the future lol…

    The topic ‘Groom taking bride's last name’ is closed to new replies.

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