Post # 1
We are getting married next month after a very short engagement (30th August). We’ve been together for four years to the date of our wedding. We are very excited and we have been coming up with ideas we both like. We have been very involved in planning everything between us. We designed the invitations ourselves, we chose the venue on the merits we both agreed. We came up with ideas together, we both agreed on the same things. So why the heck when we go to vendors they completely close him out. “It’s the bride’s decision… it’s the bride’s dream.. the groom just needs to turn up on the day… don’t listen to him.. it’s your day… etc….” No it isn’t it is OUR day, and it needs to be a reflection of US.
Yes I had dreams when I was growing up, mostly evolving around a big white dress which had magic lights and fairy wings and marrying one of the New Kids on the Block. also I’m getting married in a Greek Orthodox service which is new to me and I have never dreamt of half of the things involved so I don’t really have any idea and feel it’s important that himself gets his opinions involved and get OUR mark on the wedding day.
He got really annoyed last week and started making some petty comments about how he may as well just be invisible until the bill arrives, which got to me, especially as I was trying my best to get him involved. We had quite a row one evening, but I think it was just what we needed to get it all out. We went on with our visiting with a different air and got it OUR way in the end.
What I want to know is if this is a general problem other BTBs are coming across, and what are the feelings of their GTBs?
Post # 3
To be honest, I think most vendors are just used to the bride /mother of the bride making all of the decisions. While my Fiance is very excited about getting married, he couldn’t care less about the details of the wedding part, which seems fairly typical to me. I think it’s great that your fiance is so involved, but I think it just might not be what most vendors are used to.
Post # 4
@918Lux: We thought that too – and tried to explain to our vendors that all decisions were joint, those that laughed and dismissed us, have now been knocked off the list. In actual fact as a result, the majority of our vendors are now men or couples, who seem to get our points of view – I found women to be very dismissive of the groom. The cake-man even said to us he thinks it’s great that we are doing it together, because he had no opinion in his wedding and his wife chose colours he hated and flowers he had an allergy to. I know I am very lucky to have a GTB who wants to make our day as perfect as possible! He is an absolute gem!
Post # 5
@Cariad: I noticed that too! A lot of vendors, particulary female ones, can be a little dismissive of the groom. My groom has been doing a LOT of work on this, and we look for each others’ opinions on everything. We want the personalized details of the ceremony to reflect US – not me. That’s actually part of why I was annoyed at having a bridal shower (I really didn’t want one!). The TWO of us are getting married and the two of us are doing more planning than anyone else for this. Why are they throwing me a get-ready-to-get-married party? Why not a Jack and Jill for the both of us? Most of the gifts were money, but I got a few kitchen items. I thought it was kinda funny – while we both cook, he does the majority of it and most of the fancier stuff.
Post # 6
Yes, the groom gets “dismissed” most of the time with vendors etc.. because there is a generalization that the groom doesn’t care about planning, or will screw things up.
One thing with vendors… if you both go, if the vendor tends to talk with only you, you may ask the vendor to speak to both of you as a couple… or if the vendor calls and talks with you, you may say, I’ll discuss it with my fiance and we will call you back.
Post # 7
Our photographer called last week and wanted to talk about package details and pricing, because we were thinking about upgrading our package. Although we both deal with those things, photography details are something that he is more concerned with and had very specific questions about. I asked her to call him… there’s no way I’d be able to find out everything he wanted to know by myself on the phone, even with a list. She sounded a little surprised, but gave him a call at work. Fiance and I discussed options when he got home from work and he called back the next day to upgrade.