(Closed) Groom wanting to help his Bride!

posted 8 years ago in Columbia/Jefferson City, Missouri
Post # 3
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

From another post: http://www.dudeimgettingmarried.com/

I think you’re awesome for coming on weddingbee and wanting to help your lovely lady out! kudos!

You guys should sit down and figure out how you envision your day to be, before you go ahead and do anything.

Post # 4
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

spreadsheets are very helpful.  

Post # 5
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Welcome Mat!  You’ll get lots of good advice here, and I think it’s really great that you want to be involved in the planning!

Sounds like a good first step would be to get on the same page and divide up some tasks.  We had a checklist taped to the wall and then had a competition to see who accomplished more tasks.  It ended up being really fun, and Mr. DG made a lot of the hard stuff happen!

Post # 6
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Well the first thing is to decide your total budget and how many guests you want.  That will narrow things down considerably.  Find a reception venue (or a venue and caterer, if the one you pick doesn’t have one already) and ceremony site first- you can’t have the wedding without those and they tend to take up the biggest chunk of your budget, so that will let you know how much you can spend on everything else.  Investigate lots of different options- hotels, restaurants, indoor or outdoor venues, fire halls, country clubs, historic sites- and see what fits your style and budget best.  Once you find a ceremony site and a reception venue, book them on the same day!  There’s nothing worse than booking one only to find that the other isn’t available.

After you have your venue, most other things start to fall into place a little easier.  Pick out your major vendors- photography, music (ceremony and reception), cake, etc. And also decide which vendors you just don’t need at all (for me I didn’t need videography, transportation, or a florist)

Once you have that down, it will be a little clearer what you have to do.  For example, the DJ will probably ask for a “do not play” list- so you start to make music decisions.  Your bride will probably start to think of little projects that need to either be done by the two of you, or that you’ll need to hire out- like making invitations and programs.  Volunteer to help!  It’s always more fun if the two of you do these little crafts together than if she’s stuck at home cutting and pasting by herself all night.

And most importantly- be there to help her if she gets stressed.  The two of you are going to get pressured about little things and big things- some inconsiderate person will call your decorations cheap or tacky, and that will be upsetting (and petty!), some relative will get mad about a decision you made, which is inevitable because you can’t please everyone, but it will still be hurtful.  Whatever happens, stand by each other.  This is the start of your marriage, and for some reason in this culture there will be people who insist on trying to make it traumatic.  But in the end, the wedding is a party that will come and go, and the important thing is making the experience something that strengthens rather than hurts your relationship.

Hope that helps, and I’m so glad to see a groom ready and eager to help out!!

Post # 7
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My groom helped out a lot by taking on some of the tasks that he knows that I don’t like and therefore will not do, ie, calling venues and setting up viewing appointments, gathering pricing quotes on bands, etc.  He let me focus on the fun stuff, like picking a color scheme and flowers.

I think it definitely helps to make a To-Do list and set some dates for when you need them done.  Booking a venue should be #1 on the list, followed by photographer, florist, band or DJ, etc.  Get those big items off the list right away and then you can focus on the details. 

Oh, and maybe give your bride something to focus on first, like picking a color scheme.  It’s hard to plan specifics if you don’t know what “look” you’re going for.

Post # 8
Member
7152 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think it’s great that you want to help your lady. First things first…BUDGET for sure!! Also, buy a wedding palnner book.

Post # 9
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Awe so sweet!

Ask her if there are any tasks you can tackle on your own. Maybe you could do the research on tux rentals and the DJ for example. Might take a little off her plate. And then you can sit down and make the final decisions together!

Post # 10
Member
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Set down with your bride-to-be and talk about what will be the most important aspects of the wedding for you individually. Perhaps she’s most concerned about clothes, cake, and photography, and you are into the dj, alcohol, and honeymoon. By figuring out your individual priorities, you can see which parts will be best for you to focus on. If you’re more into the dj, then you can call and set up appointments, listen to demos, etc. If she’s more into photography, she can surf websites and make the appointments. That way the pressure is off of her to do all of the legwork, and you can decide things together.

P.S. Good for you for being so involved!

Post # 11
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

theknot.com has a really good checklist with items to do by a certain date till your wedding. It helped me out a lot.  The other thing I did was created a spreadsheet of address for the wedding invitations and so forth.  Never too early to start collecting these because they can take quite a while to get.  I also created a spreadsheet to keep track of how much things cost with a budget column vs actual.  Then I added a paid column for deposits and then balance due. 

Post # 12
Member
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1998

I can’t add anything the girls haven’t already said, but how cute are you? Your lady sure is lucky. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

p.s. we’re all secretly jealous of how involved you are.  i mean, my Fiance helps out and has been pretty great throughout the planning, but i don’t think he’d ever voluntarily go on a wedding blog chat board to solicit help for me.  kudos to you.  

Post # 14
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

You’re so sweet!  The easiest way to help is to ask her what she needs.  Also, if you see her doing any DIY projects or researching things for the wedding that’s a good time to pick up a gluestick and help out or to join her research and offer some input.  Part of what I find hard about planning is trying to plan something that I think Fiance will be happy with, while I don’t have a lot of input from him.

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