Groom's aunts and uncles upset

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
27 posts
Newbee

The decision is ultimately up to you, but I personally have never understood why heirloom rings are given to the son to give to their fiance. It can give the fiance rights to eventually let it out of the immediate family and who knows what will happen to it (end up being sold or melted down etc.). I just would not want to risk that happening to my mothers ring. I understand that it is a way to give your son a ring so he doesnt have to spend his money to buy one, but because of reasons above I would only give it to my daughter or to my granddaughter. That is just what I personally have thought about.

Post # 33
Member
1545 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

The only way I could see them being upset is if your mother gave it to you with the intention of it being kept in the family— from the eldest daughter to her daughter and then to her daughter, etc (or to an eldest niece if the eldest daughter didn’t have a girl). 

If there were no such conditions, the ring is for whomever you choose. 

Post # 34
Member
1545 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
picklemonster1234 :  Despite my last reply, I do agree with this. My cousin had my grandmother’s ring and proposed to his ex wife with it. As far as I’m aware, the family has the ring back, but I’m not sure what will happen to it. Quite frankly, even though I’m not the oldest grandchild, I’m the only granddaughter, and I think it would be significantly more meaningful if I were to wear my grandmother’s ring than for one of my cousins’ future wives. Not saying they wouldn’t appreciate the gesture, but… that’s my grandmother. 

Post # 35
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

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Helen3 :  My Fiancé proposed with a family ring. It’s so special and has really made me feel like a true part of their family. If anything were to happen in the future, I’d absolutely return the ring.

You know this girl and I assume love her since you’ve entrusted your son to propose with such a significant heirloom. Trust your instincts. Don’t let others bully you into doubt. It sounds like a very special thing you’ve been able to share with your son and future daughter in-law. 

Post # 36
Member
27 posts
Newbee

View original reply
bouviebee :  I do hope you get to wear your grandmothers ring!! It sounds like you will truly cherish it.

Post # 37
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2020

View original reply
Helen3 :  I personally would be upset because in my family it’s traditional for the jewels to stay in the female line, mother to daughter and there is none then niece or granddaughter. I do see it as taking the ring out of the family because for better or for worse there is a risk of divorce and bye bye heirloom. This is my personal opinion based on my family traditions, I am not judging you but I can understand your siblings. At the end of the day you have to do what’s best for you 

Post # 38
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
Helen3 :  NO. We have heirlooms like that in my family also. Whoever your mom gave her jewelry to, is who decides what happens to it. It is staying in your family. It went to your son. What you did was completely normal, and most likely exactly what your mom would have wanted for her ring. Tell your siblings that mom gave it to you, it is passing along in the family and not their concern. 

If your siblings are willing to ruin their relationship with you over a ring that is their loss, and clearly they didn’t value your relationship anyways. 

Yes you could probably draw up a document whereby your future dil states that in the event of a separation or divorce the ring would return to your son. If I was a DIL in that situation I wouldn’t mind signing that. As long as if i stayed married to him the ring was mine to keep, or pass along to our future kids, i wouldn’t mind a piece of paper like that. 

 

Post # 39
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee

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sunnyland :  Out of curiosity, are they completely out of the family? Or did they have kids and then divorce, so eventually the ex wife will probably give it to her kids thereby keeping it in the family after all? 

Post # 40
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Baton Rouge, LA

Your siblings are way out of line.  Your mother left the ring to you, and I think it’s wonderful that you chose to give it to your son for him to propose to his fiancee.  What a lovely legacy to leave and way to welcome your son’s soon-to-be wife into your family. Whatever issues your siblings have (jealousy, grief, etc) are just that: theirs.   Don’t take those upon yourself to fix or make them feel better.

Just to assuage any fears (and I’m not saying that this will happen at all,  this was more of a worst-case scenario): I was given an heirloom ring in my first marriage, which ended in divorce; we did not have children.  After the divorce was final, I gave the ring back to my XFIL (the ring had been his grandmother’s).  The agreement had always been that I would pass it on to our children; when we divorced, it seemed only right that it go back to my XFIL.

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