Post # 1
So I don’t know if I’m being oversenstive about this or not but I’m a little upset that his best friend might not come to our wedding. How would your feel?
My boyfriends best friend is getting married next spring and so are we. I used to live with this guy and my boyfriend for about a year so we were also close friends. They were undecided on a date when we asked last so I messaged the Fiance, I don’t know her very well but figured she be all up on talking about wedding stuff and I was trying to be friendly. I told her I wanted to make sure we didn’t plan our weddings the same day. She messaged back saying the weekend I was looking at they wouldn’t be able to come because their bachlore/ette parties are that weekend and her parents are flying in. Their wedding is going to be the following weekend. Given 9 months notice I would think they could reschedule their parties and the parents could entertain themselves for a couple hours while they at least made an appearance at our reception. I just think it’s rude and wanted to send an unkind message back but came here instead, I don’t want to create problems with the friendship. I still want to say something but I’m trying to refrain for now.
Post # 3
Please don’t take this the wrong way but did it ever cross your mind that perhaps they are thinking the same thing about your wedding date?
I understand that there is quite some time between now and then and understand your stating about them making an appearance at your reception but maybe she’s just an avid planner, those dates are set, her parents bought their tickets and that is it. I would ask your Fiance to double check on the dates with his friend just to see. But I don’t see any reason to send her a snarky remark. Maybe she doesn’t have any control over the dates? And why create tension? Talk with your Fiance and see what he thinks.
Post # 4
I agree with stephinPA – the bride is probably thinking the same thing about your wedding date. You asked the question b/c you wanted to be sure that they were able to come to the wedding, they let you know they wouldn’t be able to make it. Whether you like the reasoning of her answer or not, she let you know that the date would be bad for them. Now the ball is in your court…you can either have your wedding that day and disregard their feelings as well, or you could change your wedding date.
Post # 5
Question, you call your significant other your “boyfriend”. Are you engaged yet?
The other bride probably has everything planned out, all the bridal party members/ bach. party attendees know this is the date etc and their plans are made.
How would you feel if the roles were reversed and your FI’s best friend’s fiance texted you and asked if the weekend before your wedding was available for her wedding?
If you aren’t engaged yet or aren’t set on the date, I would honestly seriously consider changing your date. This is your boyfriends BEST friend after all, wouldn’t he want to go to the bachelor party?
By the way, since her parents have to “fly in”, they probably want to spend the time with their daughter and future son-in-law and attend to wedding details. For them to arrive and then be left alone would be rude.
Post # 6
I don’t think you’re being oversensitive; you said at the time of the text message they were undecided on a date, correct? If that’s the case, it is decidedly easier to reschedule a bachelor/bachelorette party and unless their parents are amazing planners, I highly doubt they’ve booked flights a good 9-10 months out.
I think the issue is coming from the fact that you were talking with his Fiance and not with him directly. You don’t mention being close with her so she may not see the big deal in not coming to your and your FI’s wedding. I agree with PP that perhaps you and your Fiance should talk, and then either he or you both could talk to your friend. If he’s your FI’s best friend, is he part of the wedding party? If so, that’s definitely a problem waiting to happen and things need to get sorted out.
But I’d be careful; if she is the “outsider” in the friendship between you three, you don’t want her to feel as though she has to make all these accomodations for you. She may get defensive and refuse to budge on anything.
Best of luck!
Post # 7
Well if her parents are flying in to see her, I don’t see why HE cant make it to the wedding. And their bachelor/ette parties dont HAVE to be on the same weekend. If she’s set on having hers on the same night as the wedding, why can’t FI’s best friend have his the weekend before so he can still come, with or without her. If it were my best friend getting married, with my Fiance or guest or anyone or not, I’d be there! And is his best friend not in his wedding party??
Post # 8
We are engaged. I just typed boyfriend because after years of doing it I’m used to it.
They hardly have anything planned, they got engaged just before we did. They didn’t even know the date when we last talked a week ago and I’m not sure if they’ve even booked a venue yet because they didn’t have any idea where it would be last time we talked. In my email I actually asked if they would know when their wedding was or if they had decided. Apparently they decided in the last week.
Yes, my Fiance would like to go to the bachelor party but we only have limited days at our venue and are having issues with all other days as well. I also never heard of planning an exact date for a bachelor party so far in advance. We are most likely looking at going with a different place anyways so it won’t be an issue but I was still upset.
Yes, her parents are flying in but they are staying over a week and they used to live in the area so they know other people here too.
Post # 9
I would have your Fiance talk to his best friend directly. It would probably cause a little less drama for the boys to talk it over.
I also agree with what qui40067 said about making sure she doesn’t feel like an outsider. Maybe she doesn’t realize you’ve set your date and thinks you’re still looking?
Post # 10
We were living together when they started dating so she may feel like an outsider in our friendship in a way since we were all roomies. That’s part of the reason I was messaging her, I should say email because I didn’t text her, it was a full length email. I was trying to be friendly to her and include her instead of going around her and just talking to our friend.
I talked to my Fiance and he thinks that if he had asked his friend he would change the bachelor party. We are not having a wedding party other then one bridesmaid and a groomsman and they will be family members. I have too many friends that lump together and it was either 1 or 6 and my Fiance doesn’t want 6.
Since this morning I actually spoke to a different venue and they have the original date I wanted available (two weeks before their wedding) so this may not be an issue at all.
Post # 11
Meh – you can’t let stuff like this drag you down. My FI’s own parents aren’t coming to our wedding and it’s about 90% likely that my own sisters aren’t coming. Don’t focus on who ISN’T going to be there, focus on those who ARE.
Post # 12
@SandiegoAli- Sorry to hear some of your guests won’t make it. I like that you’re focusing on who can come not who isn’t…I should do that too.
Post # 13
Things will work out if its your fi’s best friend he probably isn’t going to want to miss your wedding. The best man in our wedding’s gf is kinda of strange and everything we invite her to that has to do with the wedding she always replys with a maybe for both of them, and then when we ask the best man about it he let’s us know that she never even asked him and then he gets mad and comes to the things without her. so I would say talk to your fi’s best friend cause you never know if his fi is telling him this info or not.
Post # 14
IMO it’s really weird they have planned the parties that far in advance.
But if they don’t go don’t let it get your down, just enjoy your day. My FH is a really bad friend to all his friends. He has missed most of their weddings and wedding activities he even backed out of being a Groomsmen a few weeks before the wedding. Some guys just don’t get it.