(Closed) Grooms family broke

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
Member
801 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m in your guy’s situation: my parents will never be able to afford to pay anything, certainly not a rehearsal dinner. I don’t think it’s fair of you to be so resentful! 

She can’t (and shouldn’t) buy something she cannot afford. 

Maybe she doensn’t understand the marriage culture in the same way you do either…

My (unsolicited) advice to you would be: don’t be too harsh on her. 

 

Post # 6
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Listen, you don’t know her financial situation, and where all her money goes. Money is tight for a lot of people right now, and you should be greatful your parents are able to cover so much. It sucks she said she would pay and now can’t, but honestly, you sound like a spoiled brat.

Post # 7
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@pokergirl84: Maybe she doesnt want to spend her money on your wedding? Hmmm? Ive had problems with my FIL’s not keeping their end of the bargain on paying for things and I havent said a word to them. I cant FORCE them to pay for things (even though they had agreed to pay for them previously) and though it is annoying, it is THEIR money. 

Post # 8
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@pokergirl84: It would have been nice to mention her on the invite. I didnt want to put my FIL’s name on the invite either, but I relented because I knew it would cause problems. Ever hear of the term, you win more flies with honey than vinegar? I would try that. 

Post # 9
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee

Maybe she has nothing to save, have you thought of that. Many people are living paycheck to paycheck and don’t have any money to set aside. Be more considerate, it is nobodies resonsibility but your own to pay for your wedding, any money offered to you should be considered a wonderful gift, but it should never be expected.

FI’s family is broker then a skunk, I would never ever expect them to spend a penny on our wedding, just having them attend is what is important.

Post # 11
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

It’s hard to save when bills are coming in faster than the money is. “Saving” is a great idea…until there’s nothing to save. My ILs aren’t in such a bad situation, but they’re also not rolling in money, either. We had Q’Doba cater our rehearsal dinner and we had it at my parent’s house. Part of it was that we wanted to keep it affordable (some RDs can be as much as a wedding!) and part of it was just that it’s our style. 

Even though your wedding is very formal, it doesn’t mean your rehearsal dinner has to be. If your Future Mother-In-Law is having issues paying for a dress, it’s not fair to expect her to pay for people to lavishly eat dinner. There are plenty of cheaper options that you will probably be able to afford yourself. Being poor really sucks, there’s no reason to rub her finances in her face and get mad at her for them.

Post # 12
Member
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t think that you are being fair to her, especially calling her a country bumpkin.  To be honest, being barely able to afford a dress and expecting her to afford a big rehearsal dinner is not at all fair to her.  If she cannot afford it, find something that you and your FH can afford.  You are very lucky to have parents that are helping you and you should be grateful that you are getting any help with the wedding.  You may have an idea of what she is making, but you may not know all the debts behind it. 

Post # 13
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee

@pokergirl84: Why don’t you buy her a pretty dress then. She purchased what she can afford, if that is not good enough feel free to buy her something better.

Post # 14
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My husband’s parents didn’t pay for anything for our wedding but their names were on the invitation. This wasn’t his first go around and I didn’t expect anything from them.

 

Perhaps you should smile and appreciate anything she does to help. Maybe involve her rather than being upset because she doesn’t contribute monetarily.

 

Seriously – it’s just a wedding. You have your entire marriage that will involve her.

Post # 15
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@pokergirl84: Thats really sad actually. You are also coming off as a rude, spoiled, child and making your Future Mother-In-Law out to be a bad guy when she CANT EVEN AFFORD A DRESS!!!! Maybe you should offer to PAY for it YOURSELF? 

Post # 16
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee

You have incredibly high expectations of this woman. A $50 gift is a lot to many people. As for the rehearsal dinner, if you don’t want potluck, I suggest that you and your Fiance work out a way to cover the costs yourselves. After all, you are entering married life together as adults, so surely it is not 100% necessary for you to expect the bill to be footed by parents if not all of the parents can afford it. Indeed, you have had just as long to save for your wedding as she has. I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but I have to be honest with you, and I hope you can at least appreciate the honesty and try to forgive this woman and enjoy her company once again.

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