(Closed) Groom's family causing problems over location

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll: Are we being selfish?
    Yes : (0 votes)
    No : (13 votes)
    100 %
  • Post # 3
    2465 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I don’t think you’re being selfish–the wedding is about you and your fi. But having it somewhere that’s a destination (ie, not as easily accessible) means you also have to accept that not everyone will be as likely to come. 

    Post # 4
    4014 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I don’t think you are being ridiculous at all! I am so sorry you are feeling bad. This should be a joyous time for you and your Fiance and you should NOT feel bad about choosing a place that’s important to you both. I would love to go to a semi-destination wedding for a nice weekend away, I’m sure it will be beautiful!

    They really need to get over it and and stop making comments, especially if they are not contributing to the wedding. Can you have your Fiance speak with them and let them know how much this is affecting you?

    Post # 5
    955 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    No, you aren’t being selfish.


    when I got married, our parents paid the entire bill.  So they did get a bit of a say when/where it would be.  we picked our venue, but my mother got to have quite a bit of control over the wedding date.  It all worked out for us, there was little whining and complaining.  


    if you are financing the wedding yourselves, then I strongly feel you get complete veto power to have the wedding where you want it.


    people who complain over a three hour drive would most likely complain about anything.  Not even a big issue.  


    Just this past summer we attended a cousins’s wedding….we had a 10-hour drive.  I wasn’t thrilled about it, but I certainly didn’t complain.  Not my wedding.  

    Post # 6
    485 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Welcome to adulthood…. ain’t it grand?


    For me, the answer to this question is the same as when you plan a kid-free wedding or when you decide to (or not to) have kids on your own time (or at all) instead of their timeline, or what you decide to do with those kids once you decide to have them, or where you plan to spend your holidays now that you are married.


    Decide what it is you and your FH want.  Just like all the decisions you and hubs will make from now on…. know that there ARE going to be consequences because you can’t make everyone happy all of the time.  Then decide if those consequences are ones you and FH are willing to accept.  If they are…. then go with it.  If they aren’t… then change your plan, together.

    Where you will get in trouble is if you and hubs either don’t agree on what consequences you are willing to accept or one of you doesn’t back the other.  THEN you have problems.

    In this case…. this is FI’s family – so his battle to fight.  If it were your family… you’re battle.  Each of you backs the other. 

    Good luck!



    Post # 7
    246 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    My fiance’s family is doing this as well. We live in Kingston, Ontario, my father’s family lives only an hour away including grandparents. His family lives in Kitchener, Ontario (about 4.5 hours from the location we want), and are in a right snit about it.

    The location offers catering on site, is on the only white sand beach in Canada, allows a beach wedding, has hotels, cottages and suites on site. It’s also insanely cheap compared to having it at some rinky-dink hotel in their city! 

    Apparently it’s ‘a lot to ask’ for a couple of retirees to drive out for an early wedding and dinner and then stay over when they were planning on vacationing there two weeks later anyway! And they’re upset because they know some of their siblings (aunts and uncles of FI) won’t make the drive! Boo fricking hoo! We’re barely inviting them as is.

    Sometimes you just have to tell people to stuff it. 

    Post # 8
    1828 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Destination Wedding bring out the best in people…NOT! Just go with what you and your FH want. Even if it is selfish (which it isn’t), you are allowed to be a little selfish on YOUR wedding day!

    We are having a Destination Wedding as well and have to accept that not everyone will make it not will they all be happy with our decision. Oh well…it is their choice whether to come or not and should they choose not to we will miss them but that is a consequence we are willing to accept.

    Post # 9
    3569 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Three hours is not far. I think your Fi needs to tell them due to budget and sentimental reasons this is your destination. He isn’t having this discussion again, you guys made your choice and they don’t have to like it but they do have to respect it.

    Traveling three hours for your Son’s/grandson wedding I don’t think is too much to ask.

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