(Closed) Grooms family- invites?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Just tell her that unfortunately she can only invite X amount of people to your wedding and can she please amend her list otherwise you’ll do it for her. You’re right, if she’s kicking up a fuss about this now then she should have offered to chip in but she also could not have wanted to step on your family’s toes as they’re offering to help so much. So just be polite, tell her it’s not about money but you have a set amount of people that she is allowed to invite and that’s that. She may not like it but she should respect your and your FH’s decision about it.

Post # 4
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

To preserve the peace, you may have to ask your parents if it’s okay to cut a few more folks from you guest list to allow a few more of FH’s family to attend. Or, FH is going to have to sit down with her and say that you have a strict limit of 150 guests and that only those who you are close to will be invited, so she’ll have to look over her list to see who she really wants to be there. And if you get cancellations, you can try to invite more people from her list, but the 150 limit needs to be respected.

Post # 5
Member
13101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

IMO – I think you aren’t being very fair to say that 100 people from your family get invited but that FI can’t even have 60 from his side invited.  If you both have a big family then you need to figure out a way to equally split those invites (it would be another story if one family was small and the other was large – but it sounds like you both come from large families).

Your FI deserves to have his family around him on your wedding day just as much as you deserve to have yours.

Post # 6
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

She has zero say. No $, no say.

Post # 8
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@ams12: Too bad. My FMIL is giving us a guilt trip too. But like I said, no money, no say. You can’t have it both ways. She wants her people? Dish out the cash ~!

Post # 9
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@ams12, you need to be firm. Say you’re going to invite the adult cousins but not the kids and that’s your final say. And that’s just that. She has to understand that it’s YOUR wedding and if your FH has said he’d rather have his friends there then that should be respected as well. It is not her wedding. Stand firm, say your piece and just say that if his cousins have a problem with it then they should talk to your FH. 

My FMIL guilt tripped me because we’re having an immediate-family only ceremony and her sister really wanted to attend. We just stood firm. But I know it’s hard. Make the last word, or get your FH to make the last word and then don’t talk about it unless you can help it for a while. Involve her in other things in the wedding to keep her busy.

Post # 11
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@ams12: OMGosh ! What is wrong with her? That is not cool. Like the PP said this is YOURS (and FI’s) wedding. And to invite all those people to the rehersal dinner too? Don’t do it ! Does she plan to pay for the rehersal dinner?

Post # 12
Member
581 posts
Busy bee

Every family’s dynamics are different and some families are really close and interconnected and some are more reserved–are loving but not visiting on a regular basis.  It sounds like both types of families are represented here. 

While I fully support @littlemissmoo’s suggestion, I understand family dynamics and feel that @Goldilocks has a point too.  I will say that the 25 people who FMIL hasn’t been close too in recent is just too much.

Unfortunately, weddings and receptions are always about money/  While this is hard, it is not necessarily a negative as it keeps us accountable. Having a budget is not something to apologize for.   Is there any way FMIL can assist with any/some of the reception?

Post # 14
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@ams12: Gosh, your situation sounds an awful lot like mine. Good for you ! Stand your ground !

Post # 15
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

So I have no real advice unfortunately but know that I feel your pain!  I’m in the same boat…. 150 people max, my family and I are paying, so far his family has contributed ZERO!!  BUT….  FI has an ENORMOUS extended family and is very close to everyone.  You wouldn’t believe what our holidays are like.  They’re marathons not holidays.  Anyway, he wants to invite all aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. and so does his mother and right now their guest list ALONE is almost 250 people…… 250 PEOPLE!!!!!!! AND STILL GROWING!!!!!  (Just want to make sure everyone sees that.)  My family has about 50-60 people on our guest list.  I’m having a hard time finding a place to accommodate all of us…. especially if we’re looking for 300+.  I don’t know what to do either I have tried talking to FI about it and he seems to understand my position but also wants all his family there too which I completely understand because he is actually close to 90% of that list but bottom line is me and my family can’t afford that amount of people.  We just can’t do it.  We literally would have to take out a loan or something because when we set the budget we were very strick to the dollar plus 10% extra for miscellaneous stuff.  And I’m a big enough person to realize that I’m putting him in the middle because he’s trying to make me happy and his mother.  Bees do you think I’m being selfish because I’m wanting him to cut his list down when he wants all those people there too and this isn’t just his mom’s idea?????  And to ams12 good luck!!!

Post # 16
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I just realized that this post was old.  Sorry Bees!

The topic ‘Grooms family- invites?’ is closed to new replies.

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors