Post # 1
Hi – my soon-to-be hubby’s parents are well off, and offered, without us asking, to pay for the the wedding. My parents (the bride’s parents) cannot afford to chip in much, as their financial situation is extremely tight (and I have a bunch of other siblings they have to worry about). Before I met my fiance, I always thought I’d just pay for my wedding myself, but now that his parents have offered, I don’t want to turn them down! I have not told my parents (don’t want to upset them) but I am running into the issue of rehearsal dinner/flowers/brunch and other ‘traditional’ things the groom’s parents technically would pay for. Should I tell my parents? And regardless, how should I ‘split’ the payments? Should I feel obligated to invite less people if I accept the money? Should I throw tradition out the window and just ‘assign’ who pays for what (maybe my parents can pay for rehearsal dinner and brunch since it would likely be a cheaper alternative)? Help!! I don’t want to offend anyone! I am considering just refusing the money and dealing with it ourselves to save headache/heartache 🙁
Post # 2
catsandpickles9: Have your parents actually offered to pay for anything?
Post # 3
MsBeer: They have – they told me what they can afford to chip in, which would cover about the cost of the rehearsal dinner and brunch. It’s not much, and I think they were going based off the assumption that he & I would be paying for it ourselves.
Post # 4
My FSILs inlawas paid for her wedding and the rings, dress, etc. Future Mother-In-Law paid for the rehersal dinner. It doesn’t have to be expensive either. Your family could do whatever they can afford to. Whether it be at someones house with food cooked by family, catered or out at a venue.
Post # 5
catsandpickles9: Are your parents just offering you a lump sum, or are they offering to pay for specific items? If it’s the former, I think you can just graciously accept their gift and I don’t believe it’s necessary to get into the specifics of who is paying for what. You can tell them that your future IL’s are contributing as well. However, if they want to pay for specific items, I think you can just tell them that amount would cover the rehearsal dinner and brunch. I know a lot of families get stuck on who “traditionally” pays for what, but much of that tradition doesn’t really apply these days.
Post # 6
I think your Fiance needs to sit down with his family and discuss budget, expectations, and if any strings are attached to the money. Maybe they want to pay for the rehearsal dinner, maybe they don’t, its completely up to them.
But I would definitely not ask your parents for a single dime if they are struggling financially and I wouldn’t talk about the groom’s parents paying unless your parents repeatedly ask.
Edit: I would turn down money from my own parents depending on their finances. They shouldn’t struggle to provide luxury items like rehearsal dinners
Post # 7
There really is no tradition in regards to who pays for what. In today’s world it is the couples job to pay for the wedding. If someone offers up money or to pay for it you can certainly accept, but anything not covered is on the couple. Also, remember that money comes with strings so by accepting your ILs money they get the majority of say over your plans.
I would tell your parents that your Future In-Laws have offered to pay for the wedding and that you and your Fiance have graciously accepted their offer. Then ask if they are still wanting to contribute money like they originally said. If they do, then you can work it out with them in regards to where they want their money to be used. If they don’t, then no biggie.
Post # 8
catsandpickles9: Have you asked your parents if they have a preference on what their money gets spent on?