- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
first time poster so be kind please and sorry for the length…alot of back story but im trying to be fair to all sides.
i need to vent….i need advice….i need….wine.
let me start off by saying that our wedding is next septemeber and my parents are paying for the majority of it…all the big costs. the grooms parents arent able to help, so my fiance and i are paying for the rest. which is totally fine with us.
however, i can tell it bothers the grooms parents that they arent/werent involved in some of the major decision making. for example – when we went venue shopping it was just me, my mom, and my fiance. his parents felt slighted that they werent included in the decision making process (even though they are not paying for anything).
recently his mom asked to come to a floral appointment – so i invited her to two i had last week. she came to one yesterday and even went out to breakfast with my mother and i after the meeting. i thought it had went good and things were starting to smooth over. it was uncomfortable to talk about the flower budget in front of her though when i know they are struggling financially, but my groom asked me to invite her so i did. we have recently had to help pay bills for them, even though we are trying to save and put down deposits for our wedding.
then last night she sends an email to me and my fiance that was basically a list of greviences. she is upset my fiance didnt ask his only brother to be the best man. she is mad that his brother isnt in the bridal party at all. she thinks its rude that we asked his sisters to be greeters instead of asking them to be in the bridal party. she thinks its rude i suggested we go shopping at davids bridal and find black coordinating dresses for them to wear so they felt included in the day.
please keep in mind that i have two brothers who are also NOT in the bridal party. they are going to be ushers, not groomsmen….so we thought that having his sisters be greeters was a way to keep them involved but still not be “in the bridal party”. we thought this was a nice compromise not to hurt his mothers feelings because we didnt want to every sibling except one be in the bridal party. my fiances brother will not be included in the wedding. my fiance and his brother do not get along….my fiance says hes lucky to be invited to the wedding, he would never be in the wedding. without getting too personal he has done some shady things in the past to not only my fiance but their entire family and my fiance just basically cut ties with him. we only ever see him at holidays….yet his mom was shocked that my fiance picked his best friend of 22 years over his brother we see at thanksgiving and xmas. we thought we were being fair and equal by keeping the two brothers and two sisters out of the bridal party.
how can i *politely* make his family see that our wedding day should be about us and not this family drama??? i truly believe that part of the reason they are getting so upset is because they are not really involved w/ the planning process so they are creating drama to get attention. THEN i do try to include his mom on something….and i literally get the nastiest email basically requesting us to change major decisions about our wedding. (she is also upset we are getting married outside and not in a church – when neither of us are religious).
i was friends with his sisters….or so i thought, until i got an email saying “they hit the roof at the idea that we would go dress shopping for them and you would pick out the color dress they would wear”…..honestly, i thought that was something fun I could do w/ his side of the family to include them.
Am i being a bridezilla here? should i have his parents coming to DJ appointments and flower appointments and cake tastings and food tastings when they arent paying for anything? Should they have an unlimited guestlist when my parents are footing the venue (food, beverage, ceremony) bill…..for everyone?
This is my first wedding and first encounter with momzilla. I want to difuse the situation and dont want to have to cut ties w/ my fiances side of the family….which at this point he is ready to do.
because….heres the kicker….the last line of her email was “please do not order flowers for our side of the family, if WE decide we want them i will get them. and maybe *my fiance-name deleted* should consider only inviting his friends to the wedding”…….meaning not his family? are you kidding me?
first of all – i will be getting the flowers (which is something my fiance and i are paying for) so that they all match. second of all – these people can be dramatic. i see this ending up with them being all dramatic scene with a great debate “whether or not they are going to attend the wedding” days before….its almost like they want to feel like they are the guests of honor at this event….when really it should be me and my fiance!
has anyone delt w/ a grooms mom/family threating not to come? how did you smooth it over? is this even worth smoothing over at this point?? HELP! any mother of the grooms out there that can offer her point of view? im beyond speechless w/ her at this point, and i certrainly dont want this affecting our lives after we are married buying a house, having kids, etc.