Post # 1
I have a bit of a sticky situation to deal with, and wanted to get some opinions and different perspectives.
My fiance has a female friend who I have had some issues in the past with. One of the issues was when she came to visit us, she arrived a day early with her boyfriend and another friend. Then a few years ago she wrote my fiance an email that included a lot of accusations about me that were pretty nasty and untrue and said I was spreading lies and jealous. I tried to call her after that because I knew if we didn’t get that cleared up, we’d pretty much never have a close relationship. She said she’d call me back and never did. As time has gone on, I’ve just decided to be pleasant when I see her in social situations, but know that she is not ever going to be a close friend or someone I can trust.
That’s gone fine except for recently. She invited my fiance’s ex girlfriend to her boyfriend’s birthday party (my fiance is good friend’s with her boyfriend). When my fiance found out his ex was attending a few days prior to the event, he bowed out immediately. A bunch of his guy friends decided to also not attend the event because they thought it was incredibly lame that his ex was invited. This person cheated on my fiance and we are going through some major financial stuff with her because he let her keep him on the mortgage of her house and she started missing mortgage payments without telling him, etc. etc.. It’s been a bit of a nightmare with her, but we’ve tried to not blab about it to everyone. She knows what is going on though.
She freaked out that my fiance did not attend her boyfriend’s birthday party, and sent a bunch of nasty text messages and emails. Then she unfriended *me* on Facebook (my fiance is not on Facebook and hates it more than ever at this point).
We already sent her a Save the Date for our wedding, but now I am completely torn over whether to invite this person. She’s been friend’s with my fiance for over 20 years, but her behavior seems ridiculous and mean. My fiance is a super nice guy who hates conflict and he will probably want to send her an invitation just to salvage what little friendship they have left. I think I might get sick to my stomach seeing her partying on our dime after all that has happened, including defriending me on Facebook. I know it’s just Facebook, but it feels completely weird to invite someone to one of the biggest events of our lives who doesn’t even want to be friends on Facebook anymore.
I’m torn! What should I do?
Post # 3
She is your fiances friends so he should make the call if he wants her there or not
Post # 4
She sounds pretty immature, at best, but I’d just be the bigger person and invite her. She’s an old friend of your fiance’s, and maybe someday she’ll grow up and realize how kind you were to her, in spite of her drama. Just invite her as planned and do your best to ignore her crazy behavior.
Post # 5
It’s up to him. She doesn’t sound like a very good friend if she invited his ex whom she knew he was having major problems with. If he decides to invite her then its up to her whether or not she comes and she can’t blame you for not being invited.
I wouldn’t personally want her there, but its his friend and ultimately his decision.
She sounds like a butt.
Post # 6
FB is your reason for wanting to uninvited her? When did fb become the last word?? What about all the other nasty stuff she’s done?
Post # 8
I wouldn’t invite her, but I’m not all about etiquette or whatever. She’s ridiculous. Who cares about FB – she has done too many things to disrespect you and your fiance’s relationship. I wouldn’t just leave it up to him…I’d take a stand.
Post # 9
In this situation it’s not the final word, just the icing on the cake. Like I said, I know it’s just Facebook, but it felt like a dis, and it just feels weird to invite someone who just isn’t friendly at this point.
Post # 10
@kristenannie: Does your Fiance envision ever continuing to have a friendship with this girl, or her boyfriend? I think thats the real issue her. If the friendship is hanging by it’s last threads, then not inviting them to your wedding will probably be the proverbial straw. But, if he thinks he wants to try and mend fences and keep in touch, then I think you need to at least extend the invitation. Guys are funny about friendships – it seems to take a lot to get them to want to cut someone out of their life.
She sounds awful, though, and I can certainly understand not wanting her to attend!
Post # 11
Since it’s your FI’s friend, he makes the call. Talk to him about how you feel about her and then go from there.
Post # 12
I wouldn’t want to invite her because of what she has done. She doesn’t seem like a real friend to me, and I wouldn’t invite her for that reason alone.
Post # 13
@greenmint: Yes, guys do seem really different in terms of their relationships! We are part of the same social circle, so she is someone we will probably still see, even if they don’t really have a friendship. They haven’t been close for years becasue of all of this, but we still see her all the time at group gatherings, and that’s the way it will probably remain. So, it may be better to take the high road and invite her.
Post # 14
Thanks everyone for all of your comments and words of wisdom!
I will talk more with my fiance about this. So far he says he wants to wait to send the invite and see how we feel as it gets closer, but our wedding is July 16, so we don’t have that much time. Whatever the final word is, I am going to just try to remember that we are going to be surrounded by a sea of people who love and support us, and her presence won’t be able to make a dent in that.
Post # 15
I would say do not invite her. You don’t need someone like that on the biggest day of your life. Tell your Fiance how you feel and I’m sure he will follow suit as long as it doesn’t matter that much to him. What a jerk of a friend!
Post # 16
I hate when people say “it’s just Facebook” regarding mean comments or defriending. Due to the crappy stuff she’s done in the past, the defriending was the icing on the cake. If you don’t feel comfortable with her, tell your Fiance and he should understand where you are coming from.