(Closed) “Groom’s Gift”

posted 6 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
2603 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Hon, resepecting the fact that you’re disappointed, you know that you do not get to dictate what anyone decides to give you. It’s a gift. And while yes, a trip JUST for Fiance and not for you AND a trip that seems to be pretty self-serving for the giver, is crap, frankly, if friend wants to call it a wedding gift and give it as such, you pretty much have to smile and thank him. It might be impolite of him not to give anything for the two of you as a couple, but it’d also be impolite for you to complain at someone else’s generosity–no matter how misguided you find that generosity to be (and believe me, this is good training for whenever that god-awful regifted fiestaware toiletpaper holder arrives from some distant relative 🙂

Another way to look at it is that this friend is trying to give your Fiance a good time. Thank him for doing something nice for someone you love. 

Post # 4
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Why not a golf outing in your area? I don’t see why he needs to be taken on a weekend long trip to MI, away from you. I don’t see why he can’t go golfing somewhere by you. I’m not sure how much it would cost to travel and golf in MI, maybe the money that would go towards that could go towards a membership to a golf club in IN? If it was me, I can say I probably wouldn’t be very happy about the situation…..I would want to spend time with my new husband after the wedding.

were you given the option of tagging along? Golf may not be your cup of tea but if his friend’s wife is also going maybe you two could go out shopping while the guys golf?

Post # 5
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

At first, my reaction was that you were overreacting. Then I stopped and really thought about what I would have felt if it were me, and I see what you are saying – to a point.

On the one hand, it’s a bit odd for a wedding gift, if only because it really is for only one person in the couple. On the other hand, I personally wouldn’t be bothered by the “leave your wife behind” implications you mentioned – he is not offering a trip to Vegas or Amsterdam’s red light district; he is kindly offering to include your Fiance in something he can “only dream about”. And to be fair, a lot of bridal registries pretty much are for the bride – you sort of say so yourself when you mention what “I” asked for or “my” dinnerware.

So, I don’t think it’s an inappropriate wedding gift, just a bit unusual. And it would be ungracious to complain about an unusual wedding gift.

Post # 7
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

I don’t think you are over-reacting at all.  I think a weekend getaway just for the groom is a gift to him only, which is not an approriate wedding gift.  All the house stuff on registries may seem like it’s for the bride but it benifits both the bride and groom, (the groom will be eating food made with those appliances, off of those dishes, and drinking from the glass on a traditional registry).

That being said, I’m not really sure how to go about turning the gift down.  If the friend was really interested in getting your Fiance a golfing trip as a gift, he would have done it for both of you, so you and your Fiance can go golfing together.

We got one gift that was very clearly geared towards Darling Husband only and even Darling Husband thought it was extremely weird and not really an appropriate wedding gift.

Post # 10
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Maybe it’s not going to be their only gift. If they really are as well-to-do as you say, is it possible that his “very proper” wife will send you guys a registry gift as well? Would that change the way you feel about it?

To me, it would remove the hesitancy because then it’s not truly his “wedding gift”, but a gift to a good friend in honor of this big step in his life. That seems fair to me.

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